


What We Become

by sansy___babyy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Anxiety, Asgore is a kind soul but maybe hes shifty too?, Bestie Undyne, But there is some dank plot trust me here, Come for the skele puns, Drunk Shenanigans, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Gender-Neutral Frisk, Hate Crimes, Humans are dickbags, Implied Past Abuse, Implied past soriel, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It sounds kind of depressing from the tags but trust me theres FLUFF, Lowkey tsundere Sans??, M/M, Monsters are nice, Named Reader, Nightmares, POV Changes, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Post Pacifist Route, Profanity, Racism, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader also has issues, Reader has them hidden talents, Sans Has Issues, Sexual Tension, Shady af Sans, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, So many puns it hurts, Soul Bond, Stay for the skele dong, Undyne wants that ship to sail, Violence, commitment issues, ecto penis, monster alcohol ooh, puns, reader is a female, what the diddly darn are you hiding reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2018-07-18 21:46:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7331743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansy___babyy/pseuds/sansy___babyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Discontinued, as I am making a new fanfiction based on this one, as this has plot holes and cringe lol)<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Running through the train with my woes

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, oh boy! I've been waiting sentries to rustle up that inner courage to post my fanfic online, but theres only so many requests to awkwardly email it to people I can take...SO MY DETERMINATION IS MAKING ITS WAY TO THIS VERY SITE.
> 
> This is my second fanfic ive started to write but honestly the first one? Going straight in the trash can.  
> So sorry if this ones shitty! Thank you if its not!  
> I'm just a smol girl making my pathetic existence better by writing about characters ill never meet, so let us rejoice in making kickass stories and grinning as we think about banging the small skele.

“You can run but trying to hide from me is useless, **pumpkin**.”

\- - -

“Hey!!”

Your legs had never been this exhausted before. With the slightly wet ends of your hair clinging to your neck and shoulders you just kept on running, sprinting even. You had to get away no matter what. A satchel like bag swung from side to side on your back that was buckling underneath your small frame.

“You get back here this instant! I’ll get you back, you _know_ I will."

The shouts were getting more distant and distorted but now wasn’t the time to stop and look back. You clumsily turned on your heels round the corner to the busy station where a couple people were staring at you as if you’d been dragged backwards through a field. You weren’t exactly a fine painting but the stares were making you a bit self-conscious as you noticed your slightly ripped tights and crinkled skirt.

“Stop running from me you little bitch!”

The panic in your chest grew to an increasing level as you looked towards the train and noticed the doors were starting to shut. A marshal looked over at your troubled state and right on queue placed a strong hand between the door and it bounced back open again. You let out a deep sigh of both worry and relief and gave a forced smile at the man, who nodded his head as you ducked under the frame and shuffled your way onto the busy train. Your head jerked back and the shouting stopped abruptly as the door finally closed shut allowing the tension to drop. You were safe, for now at least. You glanced out the window and met his eyes, his face changing to one of anger followed by a smirk that made your spine shudder with fear. Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you awkwardly danced through the cart platform trying to find a seat that wasn’t taken, dodging the odd bag on the floor and manoeuvring round standing passengers earning yourself subtle looks of disgust from the state of both you and your clothes. It was a pretty fancy train and your outfit wasn’t particularly classy.

You ended up walking to the very end of the train where it was less congested, and every now and then saw a monster or two. It had been 4 years since the monsters were freed from the underground, and the humans as you could easily guess did it not take it very well. The majority of people were fearful of the monsters as most humans didn’t even know that monsters and the underground actually existed. It took a lot of convincing from the monsters that first emerged to even be allowed into the new territory they had found mostly because of the human’s weariness, but eventually the leader of the monsters and the military/government came to a mutual standstill.

As time went on, humans became more tolerant with monsters but there was clearly still strong prejudice and racism from a lot of humans and recently you had seen some of the hate crimes committed against them being broadcast on TV and it made you angry knowing that your own race was giving them such a hard time. Monsters on the surface were considered more of a normality now, and slowly laws were gradually being put into place to allow monsters more privileges including buying property and having certain jobs, and things like marriage were strictly up to the person in charge of the service, even if it was extremely uncommon.

In the four years since the breakthrough, you had still never been to the monster districts that were set up for the monsters refuge out of fear of not being welcome there. It's a known fact that few humans step foot in even the first zone for the district called the Twilight Zone, and the districts after that are almost certainly devoid of humans. One day you would probably work up the courage to go there, but certainly not on your own with no knowledge of the area or anyone to go with. You didn't even have proper clearance or papers to get in, never mind _leave_ again. 

You didn’t have an opinion on monsters, but you didn’t exactly have an opinion on humans either, because shockingly all people are different. No race deserved to have a stereotype held above their head, no one should, as long as people were nice to you then you were nice to them. Life was simpler that way and you followed that belief strongly.

\- - -

The train started to pick up speed all of a sudden, and naturally you almost lost your footing and slid onto a chair bumpily with your bag hitting of the head rest. You were thankful that you’d found a relatively quiet place to sit – well in comparison with the rest of the train it was virtually silent. Finally having time to “relax”, the events of the day started to set in and a single tear started streaming down your cheek which you wiped away quickly. You were a 22-year-old woman for god sake! Fuck adult responsibilities but a little composure in a public place would be appreciated. Your eyes scanned your wrists where a shaky hand traced over a faint pink scar next to a luminous blue vein, and trailed over to a second scar that wasn’t as clear but slightly bigger in length. A lovely sight you must look to all the wonderful passengers. Was your sarcasm getting worse? Good. You shyly grabbed your wrist with the other hand and held it close to your stomach as if protecting something precious but your finger pressed into a graze on your palm and you let out a yelp of pain, a little louder then you had hoped. You squinted your eyes as you turned your hand to look at it. No blood thankfully, but you couldn’t help but think you looked a little worse for wear.

“TINY HUMAN! ARE YOU QUITE ALRIGHT?” said a loud, startlingly booming voice directly in front of you.

Normally you would feel irritated by someone referring to your shortness but you were too tired to care, and looking up you couldn’t exactly argue with yourself that right now you were practically resembling a child, and frankly you were more than a bit taken back by how naturally loud and intimidating he was. A tall, lanky skeleton sat in front of you who was sitting on a chair clearly too small to accommodate his ridiculously long and slender legs as his knees were parallel to the middle of his chest. You realised his clothes almost mirrored that of armour but had features that made it out to be some sort of costume, accentuating his shoulders. A loose red scarf was draped round his boney neck and fell down his back on both sides which matched the red gloves he was wearing. The rims of his torso piece were lined gold, his shorts being gold rimmed also, and he wore a pair of red shin-high boots. His body wasn’t typical of a human skeleton which you figured was because of him being a monster, his face even though made of solid bone looked like it could pull a number of different facial expressions and seemed incredibly pliable. You had the urge to reach out and touch it, but maybe just maybe that would be a tad inappropriate. The skeleton shot you a concerned look as you accidently began staring with an open mouth at him, and you stuttered before answering properly.

“Y-yeah I’m f-fine! I just don’t feel too good.” You let your words trail off at the end of the sentence, leading the skeleton to tilt his head to the side and lean forward as if trying to help.

“DO NOT WORRY, THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN HELP! THAT IS IF YOU REQUIRE IT FROM ME. I AM VERY GREAT AFTER ALL.”

Papyrus? The Great? Suppose that was his introduction then.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the skeleton’s, or you could say Papyrus’s peppy behaviour. It was inviting in a strange way even though you literally just met him about 20 seconds ago, and before you could answer him he reached above his head and to the shelves by the window to grab a messenger type bag followed by a struggled sound of “NYEH!”. With a careful red gloved hand, Papyrus delved into the bag and pulled out a tiny lunch box with a small fork taped lazily to the side. He never took his eyes off the precious box, and you’re certain that for a brief second his pupils turned to little shimmering hearts against the white in his eyes.

“TAKE THIS, HUMAN!” Papyrus pleaded as his arms reached forward towards your body.

“IF THERES ANYTHING THAT CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ITS NOODLEY CUISINE, WHICH OF COURSE, IS PREPARED BY ME!” He placed his right hand to his chest dramatically and looked upwards with closed sockets, coming across rather proud that he could share his food with you.

You weren’t quite sure what he meant by “noodley cuisine” but you were sure you were about to find out. A shaky hand grasped the edges of the lid and gently peeled it back, allowing your nose to be hit with the strong tomatoey, herby smell of…burnt spaghetti? Upon hearing the sound of you opening the box, Papyrus snapped back into reality and awaited your response with keen curiosity with his hands moulded together and placed in his lap. You couldn’t deny the kind skeleton and now you were thinking of it the presence of food made your stomach rumble.

Unwrapping the fork from its taped grasp, you pushed into the spaghetti and twirled it round, which is notably harder when it’s crispy, before eating a small bite. Your face scrunched up almost instantly finding it impossible to hide your feelings towards it. Oh god he was going to think you were the worst human in the world. No. He was going to think you were the worst PERSON in the world. He offered you spaghetti, a stranger, and you pulled your face up at it! Total dick move there, Astrid.

To your surprise, the skeleton arched his back up suddenly with his hands lifting to his face in glee and letting out a loud gasp. A light orange colour brushed his cheek bones as he attempted to hide it. Was he blushing? You weren’t even sure how that was possible. Freaking. Adorable.

“WOWIE! YOU MUST REALLY LOVE MY COOKING A LOT TO MAKE SUCH A PASSIONATE EXPRESSION! ITS MY FAVOURITE DISH YOU KNOW, HUMAN.”  
You didn’t have the heart to tell him that actually, his pasta wasn’t as fabulous as he had hoped but you had certainly ate worse before and the thought of upsetting such a sweet soul was not an option.

“Damn this spaghetti is…something else Papyrus!” You pulled the biggest possible genuine seeming smile that was possible after events that you had gone through today, but the charming skeleton had made your day reasonably better. Most humans wouldn’t offer a simple hello in a situation like this, yet he had given you his only food and the simple gesture made you feel content for the time being.

“R-REALLY?! SOMETIMES I OFFER FOOD TO OTHERS WHILE RIDING THE TRAIN BUT…THEY ARE NOT AS ACCEPTING AS THE LIKES OF YOU HUMAN.”

For once in the conversation his voice gradually got lower as he progressed the sentence. You pouted your lips at him, and he looked at the floor sheepishly. You definitely understood that some humans were openly cruel to monsters and his obvious kindness made him especially vulnerable.

“Are people often mean to you?” You said gently, not trying to pry into his personal business but were honestly saddened at some people’s nerve.

"YES…SOMETIMES PEOPLE COME OVER TO ME AND ARE OFFENDED THAT I AM A MONSTER ON HUMAN PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AND SAY MEAN THINGS BUT THE TRAIN STAFF OFTEN COME AND SOOTHE THINGS OVER BEFORE THEY ESCULATE.”

Oh Papyrus sweetie, honey no.

“I AM SURE THEY DO NOT MEAN WHAT THEY SAY HOWEVER, EVERYONE HAS GOOD IN THEM!”

You found that hard to believe, but his determination was inspiring. He’s a cinnamon roll that must be protected from this world, you have already decided.

The fact that people would want to hurt someone like Papyrus who has been nothing but nice to you is beyond frustrating. He’s the first monster you’ve ever spoken to till now, not because you avoided them or anything but mostly because the area you live in has become more and more accommodating to monsters along with the rest of the world, and they slowly started to integrate into the community as laws started to fall into (or out of) place but were still isolated to a degree.

“Im Astrid b-by the way! I forgot to mention my name earlier while you were giving me the…the spaghetti.”

Maybe he would stop calling you “human” now if he actually knew what you were called, that would surely help. After hearing your name and seeing your hand out in front of you for a hand shake, Papyrus jumped upwards suddenly and you were almost worried that he would smash his skull off the electronic sign on the ceiling that gave locations as he towered over 6ft. He reached for your hand and shook it vigorously with a stronger force than you had imagined, and he wasn’t even trying, leading your body to shake and you felt your eyes go fuzzy with little lights blinking for several seconds.

“IT IS GOOD TO MEET YOU HU- ASTRID! I BARELY BOARD THE TRAIN BUT MY BELOVED AUTOMOBILE IS BROKEN SO MY BROTHER HELPED ME GET A TICKET. WHERE ARE YOU TRAVELLING TO?”

He barely mentioned his brother but you could tell he was very fond of him and there was pride and admiration in his voice at having the opportunity to bring him up. But he asked where you were going and even you didn’t know how to answer that question.

“Aw that’s nice of him! But I’m not really sure where I’m going Papyrus. If I’m being honest I…I ran away but I’m sur-”

Papyrus was midway from organising the contents of his bag, nodding his head as you spoke when his face flicked towards yours and he flung his bag out of his hands from the shock of your words. The contents poured onto the floor, including a stuffed Pomeranian dog plushie which caused him to become flustered from embarrassment briefly and several passengers turned their heads. If a skeleton could raise eyebrows, again you weren’t sure about the biology of it, you’re certain he’d be doing it right now.

“ASTRID!! IF YOU RAN AWAY THAT MEANS YOU HAVE NO WHERE TO GO! AND YOU ALSO HAVE BARELY ANY BELONGINGS FOR YOURSELF!” Papyrus gestured at your bag which as well as being small, was not even half full. You didn’t exactly have time to neatly pack your room up while being chased, shame really.

“Not yet I don’t but I’m sure I can find somewhere soon.” You responded smoothly, but you didn’t even convince yourself at this point, and Papyrus’s eyes narrowed in worry for his new human companion/stranger/friend/monster supporter. He held a thinking hand to his chin and tapped his fingers which made a clanking sound as if hitting metal, and his eyes once again widened like he had a brilliant idea.

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS AN AMAZING NOTION TO PUT FORWARD! ME AND MY BROTHER HAVE A SPARE ROOM AT OUR APPARTMENT, YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO STAY AS LONG AS YOU LIKE AS YOU HAVE NO WHERE YET!”

It was hard to hide your shock from such a bold suggestion, and by someone you only met the same day but Papyrus had an integrity you just couldn’t say no to. A part of you wanted to say yes because he was right and you knew that if you didn’t accept his offer you would have absolutely no accommodation and the streets didn’t seem like a route you wanted to go down. But it still felt wrong to take advantage of his hospitality like that so easily.

“Wait seriously? Papyrus I can’t put you out like that on such short notice.”

“TOO LATE!! ITS SIMPLY NO TROUBLE! I CAN’T HAVE YOU ALONE WHEN WE HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD ROOM UNUSED AND AVAILABLE. BESIDES, IF YOU STAY WITH US YOU CAN HAVE MORE OF MY AMAZING SPAGHETTI NYEH HEH HEH!”

 _Us_. You completely forgot about the brother that he had. What if his brother was secretly an axe murderer or anti-human? Or a fantastic combination of the two? You didn’t know anything about him as of yet but you were sure you’d feel a little invaded if someone who you lived with started inviting strangers round to stay randomly. Not that Papyrus gave you a chance to answer, he took your hand in his and you winced at the revelation of finding that his hands were warm and didn’t hurt the graze you had like you expected. You pulled back hesitantly but were left awestruck of the feeling it had given you, and Papyrus registered your confusion.

“DO NOT BE ALARMED SMALL HUMAN ASTRID ITS JUST MY MAGIC THAT FLOWS THROUGH THESE BONES. YOU’D THINK IT WOULD GO RIGHT THROUGH ME BUT ALAS MONSTERS DO NOT CARE FOR WHAT IS SAID TO BE IMPOSSIBLE!” Papyrus said with his ever present booming voice. He was sat next to you on the floor perched up on one knee looking rather gallant in his classy outfit as he held your hand carefully and examined your injury.

“Magic? It made my hand feel funny but in a good way.” You let out an awkward giggle and flexed your fingers back and forth several times, twisting your hand in disbelief.

“HMM IM NOT SURE IF MY MAGIC CAN HEAL THIS PROPERLY…MY MAGIC IS NOT SPECIALISED FOR HEALING YOU SEE.” He almost sounded disappointed but you were sure a small injury would fix it’s self-up naturally in its own time, shooting Papyrus an appreciating nod.

“It’s okay Pap I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.” Ha. The bullshit seems to be just flowing out of you today.

“REGARDLESS YOU ARE STILL COMING HOME WITH ME ASTRID, I CAN FIND YOU SOME SPARE CLOTHES TOO!!”

Your conversation with Papyrus had made you unaware about your raggedy looking once quality skater skirt and tights that were 80% rips and ladders, and you stood up and dusted yourself off before slinging your bag back onto your shoulders, holding up your two hands as if asking to be spared.

“Okay, okay!! If it makes you feel better about my wellbeing, then I’ll stay with you. But just for one night while I get myself back on my feet and then I’ll be out of your hair. I’ll help you make dinner too to show I’m thankful!” You stated and sighed happily knowing that you had a comfy bed waiting for you somewhere. Even if it was in a house of monsters you only just met. Totally normal.

“NYEH! WELL I BET YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GUESS WHATS ON MY MENU TONIGHT…IT’S A SURPRISE…”

Spaghetti. Of course it was spaghetti, or spaghetti had to be placed into dinner somehow.

“Thank you Papyrus. Thank you so much for helping me.” You said shyly, giving him a patient smile as you placed a comforting hand on the bone of his forearm leading him to give you a tight squeeze hug as he forgot you had internal organs.

Not long after you made plans for boarding with Papyrus, the two of you left the stations platform and began to walk to his apartment which apparently was only a short distance, even if his long legs made anywhere seem like an easy travel. The skeleton offered to carry your bag for you seeing that “humans got tired very quickly” which was true by now and he carried it like the weight was virtually nothing.

For once, you felt like someone actually cared.

For once, you didn’t feel so **alone.**


	2. Counting skeletons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You finally meet Sans!  
> Brace yourself for the beginning of many...many puns is all I can say yikes.

_Beep._

_Beep-beep._

“I HAVE FOUND THE SHAMPOO ASTRID!! I HOPE YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF COCONUT.” Papyrus said as he strode over next to the counter, placing a bottle on the conveyor belt as the woman at the till scanned your last items. Papyrus insisted it was a good idea to go to a convenience stall on the way to his apartment in case he did not have items that you’d need.

_Beep._

You couldn’t help but notice that the employee in front of you avoided your line of sight completely. Did you really look THAT bad? Probably was your best answer.

“That’s $6.98…” the woman mumbled just loud enough that you could here. Papyrus reached into his pockets quickly and handed over several notes and some change before you could even reach for your purse. The woman flinched as soon as Papyrus’s hand met hers and she looked up to the manager who gave a slow shake of the head behind your skeletal friend.

“I’m sorry, is there a problem here?” You asked the woman, Lily according to her name badge. You really needed to stop prying into people’s business but you couldn’t not after seeing her rude and dismissive behaviour. She looked at you as if startled by the question, following Papyrus’s movements with trained pupils as he rushed over to the DVD collection, and narrowed her eyes.

“Is he your boyfriend?” She asked. Bit personal, but you could shrug it off.

“No he isn’t; would it be wrong if he was?” You stated bitterly, not in the mood for her ignorance.

“Not at all.” The checkout girl said a little too overly sweet, clearly hiding back disgust behind gritted teeth. You crinkled your eyes at her when she looked down at the next customer who was a human man and her face pepped up. Typical. You walked towards Papyrus with a smile and bag in hand signalling you were ready, leading him to hold the door wide for you with one arm as he hummed a tune to no one in particular.

Stepping outside you realised it was a bit chilly and your skin was hit with the cold night air, but you figured once you reached your temporary home you’d be fine and you’d bothered Papyrus enough for one day not that he minds.

“WE ARE NEARLY THERE ASTRID DO NOT WORRY, IT’S ROUND THE CORNER FROM HERE NYEH HEH!” Papyrus spoke loudly, giving your hand a firm squeeze. His hand was much bigger than yours but then again so was the rest of his body.

-  -  -

You felt butterflies in your chest from both excitement and nervousness of going into a new place. Soon you really needed to look for an apartment of your own, but that can wait after the day you’ve had. Papyrus led you to a building complex not far from the main centre of town where there was lots of night life a block or two away, and it created an energetic hum of city life sounds. You both took the stairs as the lift was full, and Papyrus chattered with you the whole way up about topics ranging from spaghetti to his friends that he wanted you to meet and how he hoped his brother hadn’t left the place in a mess for you to find. He fondled with the keys and jammed them in the door, giving one twist that made the silver door click and jut forward.

“I PRESENT TO YOU, SCENIC MY HOUSE!!” Papyrus practically squealed, gesturing his arms out wide as you took several steps into the room and he shut the door behind you. You took in your surroundings; it was a cute, small sized apartment that was open plan. The carpet was a creamy colour, one wall on the living room being a silvery red flower wallpaper and the rest being white that you could see so far with picture frames and art sparsely hung on the wall, including one of a bone. A single rock sat on a small table on the other side of the room that was covered in sprinkles, maybe it’s a hobby…? There was a kitchen in the corner with a large window over the stove that overlooked a green park, along with a wooden 4 seater table that had a golden flower in a vase on it in the same room. You noticed a couple empty bottles of some kind of sauce but you didn’t think to question it, Papyrus probably uses it for all the spaghetti he undoubtedly makes. You laid down the bag from the store on the table gently, and Papyrus walked over with long confident strides.

“DOES IT MEET ALL YOUR STANDARDS ASTRID?”

Of course it did! A single crappy bed would have met your standards never mind such a humble home.

“Yes! It’s a lovely place Pap’s, I love it!” You stated, Papyrus’s expression becoming more excited with each word. His face blushed orange at the compliment, clearly being very house proud and organised.

“WOWIE! YOU MUST BE A VERY INTELLIGENT HUMAN TO NOTICE MY EXPERT DECORATING SKILLS. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN OUR HOUSE IN SNOWDIN, THAT WAS REALLY SOMETHING.”

You’d never heard of Snowdin before but didn’t want to interrupt the tour Papyrus was giving you, his face showing great nostalgia as if caught up in a memory.

“NOW IF YOU FOLLOW ME ILL SHOW YOU TO YOUR ROOM. IT HASN’T GOT MUCH FURNITURE BUT ITS GOT AN AMAZING SKULL RUG TO SHOW OUR HERITAGE!”

“You don’t have to apologise to me Papyrus I’m sure it will be perfect.” You assured the skeleton, who walked down a small corridor to an open doored room which was now in your care. There was a double bed with a constellation quilt, a desk side table with a lamp, a wooden wardrobe, a TV sitting on a chest of drawers, the infamous skull rug which you’ll admit was epic beyond words and a dusty guitar sitting in the corner. The walls were bare from it being a spare room.

“AND THIS IS YOUR ROOM! FEEL FREE TO MOVE THINGS AROUND AND PUT YOUR STUFF IN HERE, MY BATTLE BODY CAN HELP WITH THE MOVING IF YOU NEED HELP.” Papyrus offered as he moved a hand to his chest with glee, the other hand flowing out beside him, that seemed to be his signature pose and it suited him to a T.

“Thank you Papyrus, sometimes I wonder why you’re being so nice to me.”

Papyrus was about to leave the room with a cookbook in hand but he stopped and turned, not thoroughly understanding your question. His head tilted at an angle much like a questioning puppy waiting for you to continue.

“I-I just feel like a burden! I don’t want to put you out or anything…I’ll never be able to repay you for what you’ve done for me.” You turned your head towards the floor so he couldn’t see your eyes begin to water when you felt a boney hand rub your shoulder in small circles.

“SOMETIMES MY BROTHER, SANS, HE WORRIES THAT PEOPLE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, THAT BEING KIND TO PEOPLE THAT DON’T ALWAYS DESERVE IT WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR MYSELF AS HUMANS ARE NOT USUALLY AS ACCEPTING AS YOU ASTRID. IF I HAD STOPPED BEING WHO I TRULY AM I WOULD NEVER HAVE MET AND HELPED YOU, AND YOU ARE DEFINITELY SOMEONE WHO DESERVES KINDNESS, HUMAN.”

You sniffled to yourself, wiping a tear that was making its way down your face. You weren’t sure If you actually deserved it but you knew Papyrus meant every word.

“You’re so great Papyrus.” You muffled into his chest. He carefully stood fully up and hovered next to the door frame.

“NYEH, I AM AREN’T I! I SHALL LEAVE YOU TO SORT YOUR BELONGINGS OUT ASTRID! CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.” You giggled at his comment as he strode out the room having to duck his head under the door from him being so tall and almost knocking over the guitar as he spun on his feet.

Hearing footsteps get quieter, you collapsed into the bed on your back feeling the mattress bounce back in response. Even the bed knew you were done with all the bullshit. You sighed deeply to yourself, forcing yourself up so you could unlace your combat boots and kick them off near your bed. Looking over to a mirror you realised your appearance wasn’t as bad as you thought, despite your tatty skirt. Your wavy hair was what you liked to call “perfectly messy”, the brown and blonde highlighted thick strands curled right under your shoulders and slightly crazed from the wind. In the distance you heard the door make a popping sound, your ears registering Papyrus’s tone and a voice you haven’t heard before. The voice probably belonged to the brother, Sans, but you weren’t really feeling up to investigating right now. You fell back onto your bed again and stared at the ceiling, contemplating the events of the day, and before you knew it, you were out cold asleep.

**-  -  -**

The prominent smell of pancakes and smoked bacon made you snap yourself awake instantly. You rubbed your eyes and stretched so that your spine cracked a couple times, and wondered if that would make Papyrus and the brother you hadn’t met yet uncomfortable or intrigued. Surely they knew humans had skeletons inside of them? Tugging the quilt off your body you realised you weren’t wearing the same clothes as you were yesterday, but instead were sporting some black basketball shorts and a white tee that read “welcome to the bone zone” in a simple font. You could either play this off as being really awkward which was your speciality or being polite and thankful about the fact that you were disrobed and dressed while unconscious. Thinking about it that way made it sound A LOT creepier then it was, Papyrus mentioned giving you spare clothes anyway and it was only so you slept more comfortably. You inhaled the scent that the shirt gave off, it smelt of pine trees mixed with a hint of cologne. You ruffled the hem of the shorts between two fingers and tip toed down the hall, your stripped socks muffling your steps as you walked into a conversation.

“- AND ALL I NEED TO GET NOW IS FUEL FOR MY CAR AND THEN I THINK I DON’T NEED TO TAKE THE TRAIN ANY LONGER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS KNOWN FAR AND WIDE FOR HIS APPRHENDABLE DIY SKILLS!”

“heh, I suppose you _conduct_ yourself just fine then. hopefully it’ll get ya back on _track_ bro.” The small skeleton gave a side smile towards the lanky skeleton.

If a skeleton could pop a vein, you’re pretty sure Papyrus would have popped 10. His eyes narrowed and his bottom jaw jutted towards him with suspicion, unamused with the puns he was being objected to.

“SANS NO! I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE ANOTHER DAY OF YOUR TERRIBLE JOKES!” Papyrus grunted and pinched his non-existent nose bone while shaking his head in regret, you got the idea that this happened often between the two.

“why bro? if you don’t want me to _carriage_ on I’ll just stop.” The other skeleton winked at Papyrus, who let out a deep sigh and walked further into the kitchen wishing that hadn’t happened.

You ran your eyes over the new skeleton from the side of the hall. He was notably smaller then Papyrus but wasn’t actually that small in height, just in comparison. Despite being the same type of monster as Pap, his skull was slightly wider and not as animated, his smile being stretched across his face in a kind of bullshit eating grin that seemed to get bigger as he assaulted his brother with puns, but the smile it’s self didn’t leave his face. Leaning over the breakfast table, he wore shorts similar to the ones you were wearing that definitely fit him better, topped with a blue hoodie that had thick, puffy fur lining the hood and fluffy pink slippers. From afar his eyes were also different, the back of his sockets dark and hollow apart from a single white pinprick in each that acted as pupils. Staring forever wasn’t a good plan sadly, so you made your way into the kitchen where Papyrus greeted you first.

“GOOD MORNING ASTRID! I HOPE YOUR SLEEP WAS SATISFACTORY??”

How was he so hyperactive in the morning? It was only just after 8am and he acted like he was already on 6 cups of coffee, but that’s for Papyrus for you.

“Yeah I slept well Papyrus! Beds comfy.” You said as you giggled into your palm. The smaller skeleton, Sans, looked up suddenly at you and traced you as you walked, undressing you with his eyes and watching you carefully as if waiting to see what you'd do. Straight away you picked up on his hesitancy at the new situation. He stood up and leaned against the edge of the counter, his eyes moving between you and his brother while Papyrus rapidly skated around the kitchen tossing ingredients together in a rather unorthodox way. It was funny watching the two – they were complete opposites. You wouldn’t of thought they were even family had it not been for them both being skeletons, you had never seen any other monsters like them.

Sans raised a hand lazily at you attempting to wave, flicking his head up in a nod. It wasn't hard to tell that his expression was not one of interest.

“heya. nice get-up outfit I gotta say. bet the guy who owns those must be cooler than ice.” Sans said as he pointed towards your shorts, his grin still on his face? Creepy. “ _tibia_ honest they were getting a bit tight on these bones anyway.”

Papyrus tutted.

You laughed at the puns which if you were being honest you had a soft spot for them. If Sans was implying that skeletons could put on weight you were genuinely curious as to how, he was made up of bones after all! Surely they couldn’t grow in size. You need to ask about that when you have the time.

“I’m _patell_ ing you, these are actually really comfy.” You said wryly, already getting a sense of how his humour worked.

“ASTRID NOT YOU TOO!” Papyrus’s reaction made the whole thing even funnier.

Sans eyes brightened by your response, his previous distant and wary behaviour settling as he straightened up to walk over with his hands jammed deep in the pockets.

“thats real _humerous_ of ya, kid.” He winked.

“STOP THAT!”

“I have a skele- _ton_ of puns up my sleeve.” You said as you created finger guns, shooting them his way which had him laughing alongside you deeply in a low, husky tone.

“DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM!” Pap ranted in the background.

“a girl after my own heart, if I had one.” He smirked as you giggled from all the intense jokes.

“I hope you don’t mind that I stayed here last night, I didn’t want to intrude on anyone’s property or invade any personal space.” You said shyly as you looked out the window to avoid his gaze. He looked up at you with an unreadable expression, his poker face was gold. Well, despite his neutral smile. He shuffled over towards the living room and sat in front of the TV, leading you to follow as he pawed at the remote control and started flicking through channels.

“’s okay honestly. that spare room just sits there most of the time. you like my brother?”

He didn’t really say what you wanted to hear, being very matter of fact about it but at least you knew that your presence in the apartment wasn’t a problem. You felt your face get hotter in embarrassment at his question.

“N-not like that! I mean, Papyrus is a very nice person but I don’t _like_ him. It’s very platonic.”

Sans’ eyes crinkled in confusion, then he started to laugh quietly.

“i didnt exactly mean in that way…but i see what ya mean. listen, i dont know ya like pap does, so ima say one thing to you.” He turned to you so his face was mere inches from yours, and the pinprick whites in his eyes completely faded so they only showed blackness. You didn’t know black could even get that dark, that concentrated. You couldn’t look away even if you wanted to.

“ **b e  g o o d  t o  m y  b r o t h e r.** ”

At the end of the sentence the tone of his voice changed to one of underlying malicious intent, almost as if there was more than one voice talking at once, and you couldn’t help but feel intimidated by the nature of his words.

“other than that, i think we will get along fine, amirite?” It was unnerving how easily he went back to his calm normal tone, and he paused midway reading a channel description to put on a show about space by Brian Cox. How interesting that such a laid back person was into science which required a lot of thinking.

“Y-yeah! I predict fun times.” You said playfully, ignoring the wavering of your voice and trying to act like you were fine despite your internal screaming.

“im sure they will be _out of this world_.” He turned to you, moving his body slowly to fully face you.

“If you want good space puns you need to give me some time to _planet_.”

“you cant a _void_ them now youve met me, doll.”

Both the pet name and the fact that you were all out of puns had you speechless and you struggled to get your words out in time for a response. You opened your mouth to respond but stopped yourself leaving your jaw hanging.

“heh, i knew it. you cant beat the master at his own game.” He said cockily as he shrugged his shoulders at you, focus being drawn back to the tv.

“Oh did you just make that a challenge? Because you are so on…bone boy.” You said sassily, your eyes narrowing at him as you leaned your body back into the sofa watching his reaction. He immediately tensed up and for a second you thought you’d hit a nerve, but instead his whole body froze and a blue blush swept across his face. It was so fucking cute how both Papyrus AND Sans blushed in different colours. Must be down to magic, of course. You’d caught him off guard and you were loving seeing him squirm, embarrassing friends was what you were all about.

“dont call me that you little weirdo.” He mumbled as he got up and ruffled your hair.

“Okay, I won’t anymore, bone boy.” You meant to say under your breath but a certain skeleton has impressive hearing.

You laughed uncontrollably as Sans turned to give you a mischievous look, shyly looking away and grabbing a plate next to Papyrus. Pap was oblivious to the whole exchange and started plating up food for both of you and himself, in which you happily tucked into your pancakes and scooped up some bacon.

Being here with these new people, you hadn’t felt so happy in years and it had only been a day. Things were finally looking up. You get the urge you should of ran away a lot sooner.


	3. Stuck in a steamy situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding is key, small talk is golden.
> 
> Just a warning that at the start there is some rape/abuse elements, but you can always skip that section if youre sensitive to it!! If you do, all you need to know is that it was a flashback-nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH I should of really posted this yesterday...but you know how life is, procrastinating and distractions are flinging themselves into my life without permission and I keep forgetting that I have to be social and interact with other humans.  
> Yeesh.  
> Sounds like a drag.
> 
> BUT ANYWAY I wasn't happy with this chapter but after several slight adjustments (as in basically rewriting the whole thing), I pulled through and managed to create this little heap of words.

_His hand trailed over your knee as you sat there waiting._

_It was that time again._

_Another hand over the cigarette burn on your arm and down to the small of your back. He liked marking you as his own, then he would tell her you were being your clumsy self again. You’d think there was only so many times a person would fall for the whole “tripped and fell” excuse but no. She always believed him over you, arguing never got anywhere._

_You didn’t want this; he knew you didn’t want it but he still continued despite your silent pleas. It was his kink to see you suffer._

_Drunk._

_The smell of his alcohol stained breath got closer to your face and you turned and instinctively pulled away only to have your face yanked back, fingers being dug into your cheeks painfully. You struggled under his grasp, and a sloppy kiss was planted on your lips and chin, his tongue forcing entry into your mouth._

_You gagged as he pulled away, causing you to fall to your knees and splutter in weak coughs._

_Footsteps got closer in the dark room. Fighting back was pointless against him and you knew that if you refused he would only make it worse. A strong hand grabbed you by the scruff of the neck, dragging you by the collar of your flowing shirt and pushed your little body roughly over a table. You turned to face him with fear embedded in your eyes and his lustful smile turned into a snarl as a hand cupped your ass from behind causing you to jump. Your skirt was pulled down, exposing you from the waist down, and his hand slithered up your stomach to your chest. He arched himself over you so a shadow formed from the single light in the corner of the room and he cackled quietly to himself._

_You thought about screaming but there was no one to hear you and he’d probably get a sick kick out of it._

_“Now if you be a good girl and stay fucking still, we won’t have to tell your mom how bad you’ve been will we, **pumpkin?** ”_

**_\- - -_ **

You shot up instantly covered in sweat and panting to catch your breath, having to bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from screaming bloody murder. It was a just a dream, a nightmare if you were being specific. Looking at the time it read 4:38am and you weren’t going back to sleep any time soon. You pulled your legs out from under the covers and swung them to the side, reaching for your phone to tuck into the waistband of your shorts. You looked into the mirror that was hung above the bed, showing your thick loose curls all over the place, but it was a vaguely cute appearance. Trying to be as quiet as possible you made your movements painfully slow, working your way through the hall corridor like a spy yourself so you didn’t wake up Sans or Papyrus. You walked over to the fridge and instead of opening it, laid your face against the door sighing at the cold sensation as it took care of your flushed face. You wondered if it would be rude to scout the cupboards to see if there was any alcohol around, thinking that even though Papyrus probably didn’t drink maybe Sans has quite th-

“and i thought i was having a rough night. hate to break it to ya kid but I dont think fridges open like that.” Sans joked in a grumbly sort of tone.

You didn’t expect anyone to be up apart from you and the sight of only his eyes and light outline cast a couple feet away seriously shook you up, almost falling and smashing your head of the fridge handle.

“Holy shit man! You scared the crap out of me!” You whispered loudly, ending up laughing as he opened the blinds slightly to allow the room to absorb some light. Sans exchanged an apologetic look with you as he scratched the back of his neck, reaching his elbow into the air. He seemed to be wearing the same type of clothes as he was the night before- shorts, a white shirt and a baggy hoodie, this one being grey instead of blue, but you couldn’t imagine him having a different sense of style. For a skeleton he was good looking if you really thought about it, and his smile was smug but in an attractive way where the edge of his mouth would curve upwards. Embarrassed by your thoughts, you shook your head dismissively to yourself so your face didn't end up matching the colour of a ketchup bottle that was resting on the table.

“’m sorry. i was just as surprised as you were to see you tiptoeing across the room.”

Oh fantastic, he saw you skittle across the apartment like a deranged lunatic. Thinking about it, it’s not too late to move someway far away so you couldn’t embarrass yourself any further. Australia sounded promising.

“Don’t worry about it, my fault really.” You mumbled, not exactly sure why you were apologising for being scared out of your senses.

Sans nodded to you and made his way into the kitchen. He wasn’t too talkative you noticed, but you did only just meet him the day before so shouldn’t judge. The faint screeching of a chair being pulled out at the dining table made you shiver, Sans dropping into it like sitting down was too much effort.

“mhm. so whats a girl doing up this early. or late?” Sans said sleepily. As you walked over to the table to take a seat opposite him, you couldn’t help but notice how physically tired he looked. Up until now you didn’t know skeletons could have eye bags, monster anatomy forever confused you. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days. You thought your appearance was slipping but now…

“Oh I just couldn’t sleep. Been a long day you know.” You said as you fiddled with a mug in your hands.

“i bet. t’ names astrid, right?” Sans said like it wasn’t necessarily a question.

“That’s me! But hey, what are you doing up?”

For a second his eyes looked upwards and then to the side as if thinking of an answer, but then his phalanges cupped under his chin with his elbow on the table, relaxing into it.

“i dont sleep much. perks of being a skeleton, ya know.” He said nonchalantly. Papyrus slept less then you that was true, yet he wasn’t in the same state as his brother, but it wasn’t your right to dig deeper. From what you’ve seen so far he was a private kind of guy.

“I sometimes find it hard to sleep in new places. I moved a lot as a kid and it threw my sleeping patterns around.” You said in an attempt at being perky, gesturing your hands across the air as if you had travelled across the seven oceans.

“yeah? that explains the slight accent then, your majesty.” That ballsy little fuck! Nicknames, really Sans? You're too old for this shit. The infamous wink of his was making a reappearance. He mocks a bow and you snort irritably.

“I may sound like tainted royalty, but you’ll always be bone boy.” You waggled a finger closer to his face before he swats it away with weak laughter.

Sometimes you even forgot what you sounded like, no one really pointed it out or made a big deal but of course this was _Sans_ you were dealing with. Turns out moving from England to America as an adolescent teen mutated your voice to form a charming hybrid of the two accents. You had called him _bone boy_ and you were going to pay the price. There’s only so many crumpet and tea jokes a woman can take before you flip your lid, and you got the feeling you were going to hear quite an extensive array of them now, the comedian had found your weakness.

“going back to bed?” Sans asked.

“I’m not too sure. I have this weird feeling…it’s almost like I’m tired, my brains telling me it wants some sleep but when I actually try to sleep, I can’t. I’m restlessly tired...” You sounded a little over dramatic, Sans never the less nodding understandably as he gingerly tugged his hoodie sleeves up to roll them over which exposed his forearms, or forebone? Who knows.

Sans gives you another small nod before you start again.

“Are YOU going to bed though Sans? It looks like you’ve really been working yourself…” You pointed to his arm while keeping eye contact, raising your brows in sync. “down to the bone.” You should slap yourself for how long it really took to come up with that stupid, stupid joke.

His eyes brightened in the dim light and he let out a surprised chuckle.

“glad to know someone appreciates my kinda jokes ‘round here. paps acts like he dont like ‘em but i can tell he does really. ive seen that skeletal side smirk.” He tells you smugly, shaking his head at the table. “but anyway, not many people get true humour. ‘cept tori, friend of mine.” Sans says fondly, you wonder how many other friends they actually have. Presumably they’ll be monsters, but hey you weren’t judgy! Papyrus mentioned that he had several other friends besides you and Sans, but the subject was vague.

“Tori? She sounds like a _punny_ person then.”

“what can I say? shes very _appealing.”_ Sans shoots you his a grin you know to well before reaching for a banana out of the fruit bowl at an exaggeratingly slow speed.

“Were already moving onto food puns? I've _bean_ waiting for this but its _berry cheesy_.” up until now you didn't even know you were so good at spontaneously spitting out puns like this, but you weren't complaining.

Sans chuckled deeply once again, knowing he had to raise his game for the competition.

“ill admit that was good, but youll never be as _grape_ as me. there is _mushroom_ for improvement on your part.” Your response was an embarrassingly loud snort.

“Don’t fill me with _meloncholy_ now Sans.”

He was holding onto the base of his ribs letting his laughs out in low waves.

“youre killing me kid, but seriously, you should come and meet mine and pap's friends one of the days. you and tori ‘d make a great _pear_.”

Oh god, here comes the anxiety striking when actually it should fuck off into oblivion, never to be seen again.

“O-oh wow, that sounds fun!” You said with slightly shaky breath. Sans looked at you and narrowed his eyes unconvinced. It’s only been over a day of meeting him and you get the feeling his bullshit detector is pretty accurate. Why did you have to be so easy to read?

“sure about that duchess? ya seem a little uneasy ‘bout that one.” Oh god no, you swear on your life you’re not purposely trying to make yourself out as a dickbag. You did want to meet them but today was happening so fast. From what you'd seen around the city, many monsters were treated badly by humans, you didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable or remind them of bad experiences.

“No I mean it’s not that I don’t want to! I’d love to meet your friends! Today has just been so…”

“overwhelming?” Sans finished the gap at the end of your sentence. You drew a long breath and focused on the window to your left, watching the dust particles flow through the rays of light then disappear,

“Exactly that.”

Thinking about it, you’d probably been up for about 20 minutes now. Knowing that the likelihood of falling back into a full, deep sleep is going into negative numbers, you decide to take a long nap and get up from the table. Sans takes it as his queue to leave too, reaching for a book that was faced down on the counter and stopping to salute to you before he left for his bedroom. You heard a faint click as he walked in, as if he had locked the door behind him, but your room didn’t have a lock on and neither did Paps. Curiosity killed the cat. It also killed you're will to go to sleep and instead find out what the hell he keeps in that room enough to keep it under tight lock and surveillance.

Pulling your phone up as you were slinked over a chair, you checked the time to see if it was worth getting another couple hours.

4:57am.

You sighed deeply to yourself, maybe Sans and Pap wouldn’t appreciate you being all creepy and skulking around in the middle of the night around their apartment so you might as well try and catch some winks. Walking back up the corridor and into your room a bit more casual then your first attempt, you threw yourself underneath the covers and surrounded yourself with a couple pillows (Papyrus was adamant that you could have as many as possible to keep you comfy, and your glad he did because you were now surrounded in a cocoon of comfort and warmth) and put your earphones on to listen to your music.

Nooo not Lady Gaga, is this 2008? Please.

The 1975…getting warmer.

PANIC! AT THE DISCO there we go, hit the jackpot! You were unconsciously bobbing your head and tapping the side table to the beat and before you knew it were fast asleep with music fading away as you fell into a deep slumber.

**\- - -**

The next morning was lazy and easy, just the way you liked it. You had already gathered that Papyrus was an early bird while Sans…was what you could call a professional slacker. He didn’t get up at what Papyrus considered a normal time unless he absolutely had to, leading him to stay in his room which was either locked or opened just a peak, or he hovered around the living room not doing too much. You heard pots clanging around the kitchen which meant Paps was making breakfast. Would he really cook spaghetti for breakfast? It would be stupid to push that idea aside, it was actually rather likely.

You stretched with a sleepy yawn and made your way over to the shower in the bathroom which was conveniently right next to your room, carrying your clothes and underwear neatly so you didn’t have to walk around in a tiny towel on your way out. Just as you touched the bathroom door handle you glanced over to the kitchen where Papyrus was mentally preparing himself to flip a pancake, little beads of sweat were forming at the top of his skull. Sans was with him too, witnessing the scene. He reached to the side where you couldn’t see and swiped at a full bottle of ketchup. And then he just. Drank. The whole. Fucking. Thing. Ohmigosh ohmigosh. You couldn’t help but let out a disgusted gasp, to which Sans looked over to find the source of the noise and his pupils landed on you, winking and raising the bottle slightly. Now was a good time to nope yourself right out of the room.

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and shut the door behind you with a shudder. That was certainly erm, a unique trait of his? Maybe it was a skeleton thing, not even with ketchup but with sauces! Sans likes ketchup, so maybe Papyrus likes mustard or honey… alright, alright your 100% overthinking this, you seriously need a shower.

The water ran for a minute or two while you did pointless things on your phone, eventually getting up, stepping under the water to find it burning like you might as well have just contacted the sun. You let out a pained yelp which has probably alerted your neighbours down the street, and citizens from another state.

“ASTRID?! IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG?” Papyrus asked behind the door with a great amount of concern in his voice. You also heard the scraping sounds of slippers on wood meaning Sans wasn’t far behind.

“It’s all good in here Papyrus! The water was just too hot for a second.” The water had left one side of your body looking red but other than that you were fine. It kind of reminded you of what people look like when they fall asleep on their side in the sun which of course, is very attractive.

“PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THAT, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET HURT, I HEAR HUMAN SKIN IS VERY SENSITIVE! IM COMING IN TO FIX THE TAP!”

A friend is coming to your rescue, nice. That would be perfectly fine.

You're only standing there in the middle of the bathroom.

Completely, utterly ass naked.

“pap hold on a second she might be…!” Sans tried to warn Papyrus but it was too late, the door handle turned and before you could grab clothes or jump out the way a giant skeleton was in front of you, turning his head about to look at your naked human form when two boney hands that weren’t his quickly intercepted Papyrus’s line of sight before he got a peek at you, lowering him down to a lower level. So there you were, standing there as water dripped off of your body, in front of one confused skeleton with his eyes covered followed by Sans who was so embarrassed and flustered it looked like he wanted to die right there. Neither of you had moved from the spots you were in, Sans face was becoming more flushed and blue by the second, the whites in his eyes had completely faded to show them totally void.  The only sounds to be heard were Sans’s heavy breathing, a lot of nyehing and nyooing and the water still trickling in the shower. Sans was also staring? You’d think he would look away as soon as possible. Humans are not considered good looking to skeletons, surely. You’re literally composed of flesh and fat.

“SANS!” You screeched at him, reminding him of exactly what the fuck just happened as you grabbed the side of the shower curtain as a temporary shield.

Sans immediately pulled his own hands up to his eyes.

The hands that were covering Papyrus’s. Fuck your entire existence, this was it. You silently wished for a heart attack so you wouldn’t have to suffer through this.

Papyrus now was blushing too, an orange glow invading his cheeks. At least you were a bit more covered then you were 10 seconds ago.

“PAPYRUS!” You screamed even more squeakier than the last time.

“ASTRID?!” Papyrus wailed and finally used his own hands to hide your body from his eyes.

Sans didn’t say a word and instead continued with his shaky breaths, using a free hand and closed eye sockets to find Papyrus’s wrist blindly, taking a sudden step back and knocking some MTT brand soap onto the floor with a thud. Papyrus gasped while being pulled out of the bathroom with no vision, the door slamming shut firmly and being met with a unison:

“WE ARE SO SORRY HUMAN!”

“sorry…”

Out of all the doors in the apartment, Sans room had to have a lock and not the bathroom?! The poor extra pillows were going to be screamed into tonight that’s for sure.

“It’s o-okay!” Was all you could offer at the moment, slow careful steps backed away from the door. You held your hands up to your head, scrunching them into fists against your temples. You didn't even know what they were thinking of you at the moment, but you didn't want to know either. Your curvy little body was in full display of two poor monsters, some people would say that's pretty forward. You could almost imagine Sans saying "whatever happened to dinner and a movie first, huh kid?" in that smug little voice of his.

Day 2 and your room mates had already seen you naked. You might as well jump their bones right now by the rate you're going at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's one way to get noticed hehehe.


	4. Time to lean is time to clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship spaghetti is the best kind of spaghetti!!  
> To be honest I feel like Papyrus dominates a lot of this chapter, you're all gonna have to wait longer for sansy boy to speak up more ;);))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too ill to write proper notes...  
> ...  
> ......  
> *thumb twiddling*  
> ..  
> .  
> so erm, have a good read?  
> There is a 100% guarantee from me that at least one skeleton will make an appearance in this chapter.

The whole apartment felt empty but so full at the same time. Papyrus left quite early in the morning for work, dashing out the door with a small bag and apron in hand. He had told you that Sans refuses to come out of his room especially at the mention of you and that his brother is acting peculiar, which you laughed at because if you didn’t you would have cried. You couldn’t help but feel guilty about the situation and also really stupid, flashing and bearing it all to a new roommate and his brother happens to create a cringe worthy atmosphere you've found out rather quickly. Poor monsters, it’s bad enough that you were naked but you were also a naked human, something they’d never seen before, well you hoped anyway. You chuckled to yourself at Sans’s reaction, then shifted to an awkward giggle after realising that what has been seen can no longer be _un-seen._ Breakfast was no longer a priority. Your enthusiastic appetite had now fell flat.

Sitting on the green couch with a slight jingle noise, you reached for the paper sitting on the coffee table in front of you. It was two days old but surely the job offers in there were still going…right? After all the new monsters in the city you weren’t exactly sure, unemployment was becoming a slight problem you had realised as of late but it’s nothing you couldn’t handle. Flicking to the back of the paper you scanned through some of the job advertisements. Most of them were cleaning and the idea of getting on your hands and knees scrubbing gross toilets was definitely not your thing. How was it anyone’s thing? Ew. There were tutors for kids, care home help, a receptionist job or two, bar staff needed, even a chance to work in a monster bakery! You were tempted to look into it more but then you remembered seeing the shop not too far away and it was always crazily busy. Not your scene, and the chances of getting the job were pretty low you figured. The pastries looked good in the pictures and you harrumphed to yourself knowing you were missing out big time. Free cakes would have been your idea of perfection.

After what seemed like an hour of searching for work, you tossed the paper back on the couch in annoyance, grumbling profanities under your breath. It felt impossible to get a job! Maybe you were being too picky, but if you didn’t like the type of work you were getting into you found it was hard to dedicate your all. For now, it wasn’t worth getting stressed over so in order to attempt to make things up to the skeleton brothers, you thought it was a very mature idea to do some housework around the place. As long as you didn’t go in their rooms you thought that sounded reasonable, and Papyrus would be thrilled! He always scolded Sans for leaving things in a mess, to which Sans said he would clean up after, but of course he never did.

You quickly ran to your room to get changed out of your pyjamas into something comfier, making a mental note that with the little money you had in your purse you need to swing by a nearby store soon and get some clothes so you didn’t have to keep borrowing clothes from your roommates. You snuggled into some grey sweatpants that fit you well, being of skeleton ownership meant for tight as possible clothes, or ones with elasticated waist bands and they were the perfect size for you. Papyrus happily leant you some of his crop tops which on you were just like normal tops because of his sheer size. You put on one with folded up short sleeves that originally said “BAD GIRL” but it looked like they had been scribbled out with a marker to say “NICE PAPYRUS”. Very creative you noticed. Leaving the room, you pulled your hair into a quick messy bun with your baby hair poking out the sides. With a quick twirl in the floor length mirror outside your room, you admired the pulled off outfit and searched around for a vacuum.

In the corridor there was a cupboard like door where you found the vacuum and some other cleaning supplies if you had the time later. You’re thankful that the apartment wasn’t that big, that meant there was less to clean and therefore more time to do pointless things all day like watch anime and Netflix like a total loser. It only took about 15 minutes to vacuum the entire open floor space, putting your earphones in while doing so meant you couldn’t help but push it around more sassily and dance-like then you intended. Thank your lucky stars that Sans or Papyrus hadn’t walked in on you at that moment. Facing another awkward encounter was something you didn’t even want to think about. You looked around the room and placed two hands on your hips proudly, puffing out your chest as you let out a gleeful sigh. It was metaphorically sparkling! It would be nice to clean the furniture individually buuuuuut…all the effort you had put on left you feeling peckish, and on queue your stomach rumbled for your attention. You weren’t sure what time Papyrus came back from work, but you might as well make more food then you needed in case he wanted some, which meant spaghetti was the only option. And how could you forget about the other brother! He’d been in there an awfully long time and you hadn’t heard a _single_ sound. It was kinda worrying even if he is quiet.

Urgh you really did not want to have to face him so soon, but you were an adult and unfortunately the need to be level-headed was one of the setbacks. Responsibility and all that jazz, etc. You walked up to his room timidly, door shut fully like always. Hopefully there would be a miraculous knock at the front door and you could slip yourself away, but instead you stood there staring at the foot of Sans’s door and scratched the back of your neck slowly. You pulled up your hand and knocked gently.

“S-Sans? I was wondering if you wanted dinner? I’m about to cook some spaghetti.” You called out.

No reply. You know it’s awkward but he could at least answer you, you weren’t expecting him to open the door with welcoming arms or anything.

“Erm, Sans…? Hello?”

Still nothing. Now it's just diddly darn rude.

“Sans! DO. YOU. WANT. SPAGHETTI.”

If all these air particles weren’t in the way holding you back, you would of tore the door down yourself. This 90-pound body may have some similar characteristics to a stick but it was pure muscle. Maybe. Not at all. Not the point. You knocked more aggressively than before, which to your surprise made the door push forward a couple inches. You instantly felt as if the door was about to be yanked back to its prior state, but nothing happened. Cautiously, and definitely shitting yourself that Sans was going to catch you snooping, you moved your head to the side of the door and peered in to see… the darkness? What the heck? Sans wasn’t even here, but you swear on your life no one had walked past you, being perceptive as heck made you certain of it. He hadn’t left the apartment; you’d been in the vicinity of the door the whole morning. You saw him walk into his room not long after you left the bathroom this morning? You’re asking yourself too many questions? These aren't even all questions? Confusion?

Despite Sans disappearing act which if you’re being honest has left you freaked out behind words, the time was getting on in the day and making dinner was the plan of action. The stove looked like it had never been used in its life, amazingly clean as if it was brand new. Maybe Papyrus is just an exceptional cleaner and doesn’t miss a single spot, it wouldn’t surprise you if he cleaned it like his life depended on it. It took you ages to find the spaghetti, because it wasn’t in the cupboards but was placed in the fridge on only one side. On the other side of the fridge there was an empty packet of “popato chisps”. You ignored the weird snack and looked to the left. It was amazing! There were so many different types of pasta Papyrus was hoarding but he only seemed to use spaghetti, the simple strand one. Instead of one you took out 3 different kinds to decide on after, and whipped out a pasta recipe book and picked a simple spaghetti carbonara. You know what, screw it! This was going to be the best goddamn spaghetti you had ever cooked, and if someone has a problem with mixing penne, farfalle and rigatoni together then it’s a shame because you were going to do it, and you were going to do it well.

You cooked and drained the spaghetti like a boss. You flung that garlic in like it was nobody’s business. The cheese was grated so finely it was practically invisible. If eggs were somehow living and breathing, then you beat the shit out of them, but then very calmly added them to the sauce. You weren’t a complete savage after all. A couple of parsley sprigs and bacon bits added later and you were finally done! Sticking your finger in, you tasted the sauce. Oh _yes_. The parmesan hit your taste buds in all the right ways, if you didn’t have any self control then you would of ate it all right now. Unfortunately, you were still home alone, so you placed the spaghetti into a bowl and then into the microwave to keep warm. For now it was movie time! Netflix was already installed onto the TV, so the obvious choice of movie was Tangled because it’s very hard-core. Half way through the movie you had no regrets at all watching it, Disney was always going to be in your heart.

**-  -  -**

As the credits rolled, so did your eyelids. Your body was slowly but surely sinking into the couch to drift off to sleep. A blanket that was thrown over the couch had ended up being snuggled by you. Ah, relaxing.

Or it _was._

“ASTRID! I HAVE INFORMATION THAT YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN!”

In an instant the front door was slammed open so loud and with such force that you almost flew right out of your seat in shock, along with the door hinges almost being broke right off. Papyrus sprinted into the room and gasped as he saw you, hopping around excitedly, switching between feet.

“Papyrus? What is it?” You replied groggily as you attempted to wake yourself up properly.

“WELL YOU SEE I WORK AT A LOCAL CAFÉ…” Pap’s voice lowered considerably. His voice had a suspicious tone, possibly smug. You nodded as you took a sip of tea for him to continue.

“AND THEY HAVE A CERTAIN SIGN IN THE WINDOW THAT I HAVE A FEELING WILL CATCH YOUR PARTICULAR INTEREST! WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE SIGN SAYS?!” He was taking long strides around the coffee table, stopping sharply to catch your eye on the last word.

“Yes please…?” The tea had lost your interest and you were now focusing on Papyrus fully. At your reply, Papyrus leapt forward and grabbed at your hands as he sat on his knees in front of you.

“THEY NEED A COFFEE ARTIST EXTRAORDINARE!” Papyrus grinned and pointed a gloved fist towards the ceiling heroically, striking a pose. You choked a laugh at his explanation.

“A what now? I think I need you to elaborate more Pap.” Another swig of tea down the hatch.

“THE CAFÉ IS URGENTLY LOOKING FOR A NEW EMPLOYEE AND I BELIEVE YOU ARE A HUMAN WHO NEEDS EMPLOYMENT! I SPOKE TO MY MANAGER AND THEY ARE SO OVERLY DESPERATE FOR ANOTHER WORKER THAT SHE AGREED TO LET YOU WORK THERE IF YOU COME IN TOMORROW MORNING. I HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED TO GUIDE YOU TO BECOME ALMOST AS EXCELLENT AS ME IF YOU ACCEPT!”

Papyrus you little life saver you! You would of complained about all the time you wasted looking up different jobs but you were too overjoyed and glad that you practically had a permanent one waiting for you. Without a moment’s hesitation you squealed and jumped onto the couch cushions before tackling Papyrus into a hug, him spinning you around and depositing you back on the floor, but you were so happy you couldn’t let go.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Bless this skeleton. The fact that you didn’t even have to go for an interview must mean the manager is a nice enough woman. You’ve had too many horrible bosses in the past, another one was not necessary.

“NYEH HEH! THEY DON’T CALL ME THE GREAT PAPYRUS FOR NOTHING!”

While the two of you were talking about the café Pap worked in which apparently was relatively close, you heard the familiar sound of the door opening, turning your head automatically to see Sans walking in. His eyes widened at the sight of you and with the same foot he placed on the ground he spun on to walk straight back out again. But oh no sneaky skeleton, Papyrus was on him in two seconds flat and grabbed his arm to yank him straight back in.

“BROTHER! I MANAGED TO GET THE HUMAN A JOB!” It was cute seeing how proud Papyrus was.

“aw gee, thats great pap. erm congrats on the job astrid.” Sans still couldn’t look you in the eyes, he glanced at the floor without looking up and started to scurry to his room.

“Wait!” You called after him, he wasn’t getting away this easy. Sans turned around slowly and put his hands in his jacket pocket, giving Papyrus a “please help me” look that he couldn't pick up on.

“I made dinner! Well I made it like 2 hours ago. Oh, it’s not gonna taste weird or anything, I can just warm it right up again.”

Sans looked visibly relieved at your words, you wanted to say sorry to him about your previous nudeness but you don’t think he wants to hear it anytime soon. You also were not a fan of reliving the memory.

“WOWIE! THAT IS WONDERFUL ASTRID BUT YOU DID NOT HAVE TO!” Papyrus beamed at you, standing next to a smiling Sans.

“Don’t worry about it! It’s the least I can do for you both after you’ve been so kind.” You walked over to the microwave, and messed about with the buttons until you eventually worked out how to use it. 1 minute seems like a fair amount of time; you didn’t want to burn the first meal you’ve cooked for them.

Sans walked over and peered into the microwave to watch the food spinning slowly on the plate. He quickly laughed to himself and a lazy smile broke out on his face, turning to look at you.

“thanks a bunch. i ‘ppreciate you doing this for my bro.” Sans said as he kicked off his sneakers and replaced them with his beloved slippers. “he doesnt have that many human friends you see.” You looked up from the microwave and shared an apologetic look with Sans. It was obvious what he was implying. Monster abuse and racism was common even after all the years they had been on the surface, lately it was the main topic on the news. Some of the reports you'd seen were harrowing.

“see if someone hurt papyrus, emotionally or physically, he wouldnt do anything back. poor guy would just take it.” Sans tone grew slightly more in anger, but you could tell he was trying to repress it.

“I get that, he’s got a lot of kindness and respect for people, no matter who you are.” You spoke the truth. Sans perked up at you genuinely thinking well of his brother.

“yeah, hes so cool like that. but if _i_ was there when someone trash talked papyrus?” Sans laughed with no humour at all in his voice.

“id dunk the shit out of them.” He looked up at you and tightly grinned with lidded eyelids. When he wanted to, this guy could be seriously scary. At least this time he was threatening someone else and not you. Behind the intimidation he laid on sometimes, the love for his brother was enormous, you know Sans would do absolutely anything to protect his brother. You didn’t have to know him a long time to realise that.

You smiled innocently at Sans and gave his cheek a tap, turning away to tend to your cooking and preparing to start plating it up.

“You? Violent? But you’re always so bone tired, didn’t think you’d want to lift a single phalange.” You drawled.

Sans let out a cocky laugh as he sat down ready to eat at the table.

“oh you have no idea.” No puns meant the seriousness was real. You’re not exactly sure what he meant by his statement, and you're not too sure if you wanted to find out.

You hollered to Papyrus for dinner, who only after about 5 seconds was eagerly looking into the kitchen to assess the food. He realised you were cooking his ultimate meal and gave you a look of admiration. When the brothers sat down you noticed that for Sans the chair was too big, and for Papyrus the chair was too small. There was something incredibly comical about it.

“HUMAN, IM SURE YOUR SPAGHETTI IS EQUAL PARTS DELECTABLE AND EQUISITE, BUT ALAS, DO NOT BECOME HEARTBROKEN THAT IT IS NOT THE SAME QUALITY AS MINE. I AM A VERY EXPERIENCED CHEF."

Sans snickered under his breath as he pulled at his food with his fork, you knew exactly what that meant.

“im _tagliatell_ in ya pap, this spaghetti aint even made with tomatoes or vegetables. youd think it was an im _pasta_.” Sans jeered as he wiggled the fork closer to Papyrus, pointing at his brother with an extended smile. Papyrus’s once content face turned sour and he grunted loudly.

“THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! HOW DARE YOU MAKE SPAGHETTI PUNS.”

“come on bro, don’t get angry _fusilli_ reasons now.” Sans said sweetly. Trying to hold in your laugh was pointless, and you dropped your knife and fork at once because it was pretty hard to concentrate when you were having a laughing fit over such a brilliant pun. In the corner of your eye Sans looked satisfied, he was chuckling along with you too. Papyrus was slightly less enjoying the puns as usual, he was done trying to stop his brother and instead tucked into his food silently with the odd grumble. Papyrus took a single bite and he lit back up in an instant.

“MY, MY! ASTRID THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! HOW DID YOU END UP WITH THE SPAGHETTI NOT BEING CRUNCHY?!” It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not, and you silently scoffed to yourself so you didn’t offend the tall skeleton. Sans brow furrowed intensely, you assumed he has had his fair share of Papyrus’s cooking, not all of it good, if any.

“Well you see Pap, spaghetti starts off hard but then you erm, you boil it. After that it gets all soft and squiggly, means it’s cooked.” You wish you could give a simpler explanation, but you’re not sure that there was one.

“AH. HM. I SEE…AND THERE IS ALSO NO GLITTER IN YOUR DISH! CRITICAL ERROR.” You almost spat out your food all over the table.

“Wait, glitter?” You glanced over at Sans who simply shrugged. You noticed he was enjoying your food and it made you feel like the whole cooking session was worth it.

 “UNDYNE TOLD ME IT WAS A CRUCIAL COMPONENT! YOU DON’T DECLINE ADVICE FROM THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!” The conversation was getting more confusing as it went on.

“ _ex_ captain.” Sans pointed out as he ate.

“What’s the Royal Guard?”

Papyrus forgot he was eating dinner and lunged upwards which shook the table, moving it a couple centimetres to the left. You would of regretted asking if it wasn’t for his adorable enthusiasm.

“EXCELLENT QUESTION THAT I HAPPEN TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO! THE ROYAL GUARD WAS THE UNDERGROUNDS ELITE MILITARY AND UNDYNE WAS THE OVERALL LEADER AND CAPTAIN! WE HAD PRIVATE ONE ON ONE TRAINING SESSIONS HUMAN BECAUSE OF COURSE, I WOULDN’T WANT TO SHOW UP ANY OTHER MEMBERS WITH MY HIGH LEVEL SKILLS.” You got the feeling that was more of the captains words then Pap’s, and Sans nodded as his brother explained.

“Oh! That’s actually kind of cool, what was your role in the Royal Guard, Pap?” Papyrus sat back down again, and looked at his hands in his lap, the faintest blush on his face.

“TECHNICALLY…I WAS NOT A FULL MEMBER…BUT I WAS GIVEN STRICT FLOWER WATERING RESPONSIBILITES! I-IT WAS AN IMPORTANT AND MEANINGFULL TASK EVEN SO! THE KING GAVE ME SPECIAL GARDENING GLOVES FOR MY HARD WORK AND PERSEVERANCE.” You felt bad for asking as Papyrus looked either embarrassed or disappointed, and the expression on his face was not one you were used to.

“im _stumped_ as to why he never got in.” Sans flashed yet another grin, and by this point both you and Papyrus groaned at the same time.

“I AM LEAVING AND IM TAKING THE SPAGHETTI WITH ME.” Papyrus declared as he clambered off the chair and took not only his bowl but the one on the counter that was half full. You hoped that you could love something or someone as much as Pap did with his one true other half, spaghetti. True love has no boundaries. Only you and Sans were left at the table with the TV playing quietly as background noise. You both didn’t talk too much and only conversed in small talk, the rest of dinner being sat in reasonably comfortable silence. Sans had a habit of staring at you every now and then unintentionally, he didn’t always look away when you caught him in the act and you caught yourself flushing under his intense eyes.

**-  -  -**

Knowing that you had to tag along with Papyrus at his job tomorrow for the sake of getting your own, you went to bed much earlier then you normally would, it was painful to admit defeat to your irregular body clock. You walked to your room at the end of the corridor before you were stopped by curiosity and quickly looked into Papyrus’s room that had it’s door half open or some would say half closed. The sight was positively heart-warming. Sans was sat, story book in hand at the side of a half asleep Papyrus who was lying in his red race car bed. He was reading him a bedtime story you guessed, and was using a voice that was so gentle, it was almost like it wasn’t even him speaking, but was pleasing none the less. After a solid thirty seconds, you felt like you were witnessing a supposedly private family moment and continued to walk on, feeling a bit uncomfortable to listen in on them both any longer.

Lying on the top of your covers, you eventually heard careful footsteps coming away from Papyrus’s room.

_Click._

Sans’ lock.

Boneboy seemed to be a dark horse.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would of peeked into Sans's room for sure! Stole a hoodie in the process or whatever.
> 
> Don't forget the kudos and the comments and the lark <3


	5. Coffee is good for the soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid gets her work on! Sad times knowing that you cant lazily stay inside all day, I can relate.
> 
> this chapter could of been split into two but I got carried away and now its longer then Sans list of puns, so enjoy!

It was humiliating to say the least. In only 2 hours you were supposed to go to the café with Papyrus so you could get a job, but who was going to employ you looking like this!? It wasn’t your _actual_ appearance that was the problem, just the overall “Astrid Experience” didn’t exactly scream professional. You stared into the mirror for a good 5 minutes trying to see if there was a way you could make yourself not look as casual as you felt, but your impatience was on the rise, so you grabbed your bag, slid on some black boots and quickly left the apartment. Regret was the instant feeling as your skin met with the chilly morning air, causing a shudder to creep down your spine. From the last time you went to a convenience store when you got off the train, it should only be around the corner. You didn’t take in all the features of the area from before when you were last here with Papyrus. It’s hard not to notice how big Ebott has become from the monsters coming from the underground and the massive amount of tourism from the mountain itself. What once was a small, reclusive little town has now turned into an increasing city that’s alive with nightlife; there’s bars, clubs, restaurants, huge shopping outlets, of course there’s more peaceful aspects of Ebott too with parks and botanical gardens that are adorned with plants and many golden flowers you’ve seen around. Now that you practically live here you need to go exploring…but it would help if you had a steady stream of money before you went down that road.

About two blocks away from Sans and Papyrus’s apartment you found the store because of the huge neon sign, which in the slightly dim morning light made it easy to recognise. It was only 6:57 am, you felt a surge of pure empathy for the person who was working bullshit morning shifts like that. You took your time in the clothes section to find some suitable clothes, waking up this morning you were rushing around frantically only for Papyrus to be tell you that you had an extra hour more then you originally thought. All in all the whole trip took about 35 minutes, you tried all your clothes on so they all fit nice and snug and walked over to the till to pay the cashier. Or you could say _cat_ ier. Was that a literal cat monster…? Cats were cute, you like cats, cats are nice.

But this guy was not your average cat. Plopping your clothes down onto the till you accidently started spacing out, involuntarily staring at the cashier with wide eyes.

“Why do I always get the freaks…” He mumbled under his breath in an exasperated voice. Normally you’d get all pissy over that but hey you were totally having a creepy moment.

“Oh, right. Yeah sorry about that, just these thanks.” The cat person was smoking as he served you with tired eyes, not caring much that he was on the job.

“Dude, are you like smoking a blunt?” You asked in both awe and worry for the guy. If he was doing drugs on the job you know he’s got it rough. Or he’s just too chill for his own good, either way, wow.

“That’s right little buddy.” To say he had dramatic facial expressions was an understatement. “Gotta do it while you can. I’m 23 years old and I’ve already wasted my entire life.” You looked at his name badge for his name, it simply read the letters “BP” …Bobby Paul? If that was his real name no wonder he looked so depressed.

“Wont your boss get mad at you or something?” Treading lightly was your main tactic for now even if he is a rad dude. He tensed up at your question with his eyes squinting and giving a manic, gritted-teeth sort of smile, his hands (or paws even) being brought up to his chest as he squeezed them over and over.

“My boss never comes here anymore but hey, good riddance!” Even if he is taking a joint, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that he’s got some serious beef with his boss.

“He has this, uh, CD album that he uses sometimes where he plays an entire album about how much I suck at my job.” BP said quietly. A part of you wanted to FIGHT his boss and give ‘em a couple old fashioned jabs to the face, but you preferred the part where you pity laughed in your head instead.

“What? No way! Why don’t you just quit?” This is why you shouldn’t interact too much with staff in stores, you should start learning your lesson from past experiences.

“Quit? That robots everywhere! It was my dream to work with Mettaton when I was in the underground…but now I just can’t rid of him! Take it from me little buddy, NEVER make friends with attractive people. You’ll just end up trapped in their never ending conversation about hot legs and how everything needs to be covered in freakin’ glitter.” He was talking about Mettaton this whole time! It’s not that you were his biggest fan, but you couldn’t deny that he had some seriously hot legs. Both humans and monsters alike are completely obsessed with the undergrounds star, you could go as far as saying that Mettaton was more famous than most human celebrities, being talented in singing, dancing, acting, cooking, modelling and well…everything he could get those robotic claws on.

“Wow Mettaton is really your boss?! Even though he treats you like a dick bag at least you have your celebrity links.” You winked at the monster quickly, but in no means flirtily. He eyed you suspiciously and slowly rested his arms on the counter after putting out the cigarette and flicking it behind him.

“Yeah…me and the rectangle weren’t on good terms back in the day. He used to bring in his friends and make me wear these stupid anime costumes to impress them. The lizard-dinosaur and that skeleton. I’ll tell you for a fact little buddy that flipping burgers in a Japanese school girl costume is more difficult than it looks.” BP recalled to you like he did not want to remember that time at all. _That skeleton._ You weren’t sure if Sans and Papyrus were the only skeletons down there, or how big and popular the underground was.

“Skeleton? What was he called?!” You sounded a bit more desperate then you wanted to as you slapped down your hand on the counter in disbelief which made BP wince backwards with a tight smile, but possibly finding out more about your roommate, or at least one of them was exciting! Scandalous, but sometimes you couldn't help act like the rebel you were born to be. You really were living life on the edge. BP pulled out another cigarette, a normal one thank god for his and your poor lungs, and started to think real hard.

“I was banned from talking to the customers or the time lost comes out of my pay check.” The kitty mumbled something unintelligible under his breath. “but I think it was San or something? Sans maybe? Not too sure little buddy. All I know is that I liked the dude because he shared the same feelings for Mettaton as me. And by that I mean he hated him so, so much.” Sans knew Mettaton too?! It’s hard to believe that he was acquainted with someone who had such a flashy personality, but then again BP said that Sans didn’t like him anyway which you could understand why, they seemed like they would clash a lot.

“Hm, interesting. Well thanks a bunch BP!” You called out as you started to walk away with your two bags and he waved at you with a deep sigh. You’d taken slightly longer then you wanted to from chatting and being social so now breakfast was probably going to have to be skipped. You could make it up to your longing stomach after you’ve got yourself a relatively permanent job so that you can binge out on junk food marathons just how you like.

 

**-  -  -**

With 20 minutes to spare you went to your bedroom and dug out your shopping so you could pick what goes with what, attempting to look as banging as possible for when you served at a café. The clothes you had picked out were from the sale section, because unfortunately $40 wasn’t going to get you the Hollywood works, but what you got was pretty cute anyway. You quickly tugged on some white frilly socks (you couldn’t resist their adorable quirkiness), black skinny jeans that were ripped at the knees and a dark blue pullover hoodie that had a galaxy print on the front. You didn’t like straightening your hair too much as you preferred your natural shoulder length curls, and frankly with how thick your hair was it took too long.

Because you were running late, Papyrus said to meet him later on as his manager technically didn’t give him a specific time for you to drop by. Goddamn you and your procrastinating habits. Grabbing your phone and shoving it in your pockets you walked into the living room where Sans was taking a nap. He always went to bed late, and then complained in the day about how tired he was while throwing in some bone related puns. You quietly walked past the couch where he was sitting down, head thrown back into the couch cushion when his eye lid crept open from you stepping on a squeaky wooden floorboard, and upon noticing it was you he opened both eyes and yawned.

“andromeda. looks good.” Sans said as he stretched his arms out over his head, making his spinal cord extend and straighten out in the process.

“Huh? What’s that?” You asked curiously with the corners of your mouth tugging upwards as you stopped to face him from the other side of the room. Sans walked over to you slowly and pulled his hand out his pocket to point at your hoodie.

“nearest major galaxy to the milky way, andromeda, its made its way onto your hoodie.” Sans said chirpily as he stood directly in front of you.

“Wow that’s uh, kinda cool that you know about that you big nerd.” You said jokily. It was true that you were interested in galaxies and stars but didn’t know the specifics about the subject, one of these days you need to do your own research properly. Sans blushed lightly at your words and his pupils darted to the right quickly for a second, landing back on you again as he chuckled.

“woah there duchess, bullying _hertz_ my feelings.” Sans shot back at you as he wrinkled his brow bone and let his smile expand while his pun did the work for him. For the first 5 seconds you stared at him in confusion, surprise laughing when you finally picked up on it.

“Hey you shouldn’t make puns about physics! It’s a relatively _dark matter_.” You giggled as you punched him lightly on the shoulder. OWCH okay don’t do that again, note to self; bone is hard, hands are soft.

“dont get yourself all in a _state,_ kid.” Sans winked. “but anyway, my bro said you need a lift or somethin’?” He drawled the last word as he looked up at you for an answer.

“Oh! Well you don’t have to, but I have to meet Pap’s at the café he works at. You drive?” The only car you’d seen in the allocated parking spot outside the building was Papyrus’s red sports car, but it was in a dormant condition because of it needing some slight fixes and fuel you remember hearing.

“in a way. dont sweat it kid, i know a shortcut. ready to go?” A shortcut is definitely needed after how long you’d been taking to simply show up somewhere and be ready for cute coffee and cake serving. You raised a single digit at Sans to let him give you a minute so that you could fix your hair into place and tie your laces on your red Nikes that were the only other shoes you had besides your boots. You puffed out your chest to drawl out a long, loud breath, and smiled to Sans with a double thumbs up.

“cool stuff. okay so i need you to get close and hold on real tight to me.” Sans said as he loosely wrapped his phalanges around your wrist and gave it a gentle tug in his direction. You pulled back a tad and looked at him with confused eyes and a tilted head at a 45-degree angle.

“W-what are you talking about?” you questioned imperatively, but Sans ignored you and instead pulled you closer to him by the waist causing you to blush at the close contact. The air around you started to make spark noises and you could sense electricity around both you and Sans. You looked up unsure whether to be scared or exhilarated, seeing Sans face full of concentration, his left eye now a bright pulsing blue that you’d never seen before.

“just to let you know that if you do happen to let go, youll uh, slip into the void and be stuck there…” Sans said factually, grinning like a Cheshire cat as your jaw dropped. He placed the tips of his fingers on your chin to close the gap.

“yeah you might wanna shut that, wouldnt want you to get vertigo or get your neck snapped. welp.” Before you had the chance to argue against what the fuck was about to happen, something _changed._

You were stuck in a position but moving at the same time, the feeling of falling was imminent and your head spun at speeds that felt unrealistically fast. Everything around you had no view or appearance, however you weren’t surrounded in darkness. The environment flickered and was distorted to all new levels, as if it was a fictional world or a blur that couldn’t be described even if you used 1000 words. The sight and general interference in your head was making you nauseous and you dug your face deeper into Sans shirt feeling his shoulders fall back and his arms grasping you tighter. It felt like you were there for minutes, hours, days even but you knew you weren’t. In fact, it was practically no time at all, barely a second had passed! You pulled back from Sans in an instant, pushing him away as you turned to throw up what little food your stomach once was holding and in the corner of your eye he leaned forward to assess the damage. How lovely you must have looked as you retched from the side of the road, how are you even still single after that.

“W-what the fuck was that? A little more warning next time maybe?” You glared at Sans as you coughed. Right to his word, he definitely meant it when he said he knew a shortcut. Somehow you were conveniently at the side alley of the café, thankfully out of the publics eyes as you suffered the after effects of…something weird.

“you could say i have a trick or two up my sleeve.” You groaned to yourself externally as he didn’t fully answer your question. “but hey looky here, we made it and your also, uh alive.” Sans said with a nervous laugh as he gestured to the building next to you. You both walked round the corner a couple steps to the front of the café, suitably named “Café Ebott” for obvious reasons. All of a sudden nerves crept up on you, and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach was dominant. Sans noticed your skeptical composure and awkward shuffling and gave you a consoling pat on the head.

“you dont gotta look so nervous kiddo, im sure they will like you a _latte_.” The smirk on his face was expanding by the second, and if you weren’t feeling so physically drained you would have gladly joined in on the pun war but right now you wanted to face palm yourself with a chair. Or a table, anything heavy would work _just_ fine.

“No Sans no, this is not the time.” You waved your hands dismissively in his direction but couldn’t stop yourself from stifling some laughs in the process.

“its always the time to _expresso_ myself.” Sans quickly responded with a thumbs up and that wink which you’ve gave up trying to figure out how that works exactly because you know, skeleton and all.

“I regret this whole excursion entirely.” Holding both hands up as you turned around, forcing yourself to hold in laughs. Sans snickered behind you in a not so secretive tone and before you could turn around to fully thank him for what you assumed was teleportation magic he was already gone. That sneaky little fuck! A stuttered thank you left your lips whilst letting out a sigh and walking up to the front.

You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t find Sans a little intriguing. Unlike his brother who was very open, he was mysterious which you found enticing, even if it did irritate you from time to time.

**-  -  -**

For a café it was fancier then you thought it would be. The entrance was grand and composed of more glass then actual wall, having a solid glass door with an open sign stuck to the front and coffee cup stickers that had adorable little cartoon faces on them. Floor length windows took over the shops entrance, having brown leather plush sofas with their back turned to them. From what you had picked up on it had only been recently opened and was only a good 10 minute drive away. You swung the door open and a gentle bell rung as it hit the top of its frame. It was an incredibly endearing set up, much like a tea shop with mahogany stained wooden floors, an array of artsy pictures adorning the pastel blue and pink walls and frilly white table cloths on decorated tables. White clouds had been painted on the walls in intricate detail. Papyrus did not see you at first as he was busy giving a customer the large amount of cakes they had just ordered with a blinding smile, easily lifting the tray with a skeletal hand. You would have thought he wouldn’t be good at a job like this, but his organised approach to life meant he effortlessly managed the coffee station and cake stand with ease as if he had been doing it his whole life. He wore a tiny little apron over a blue sweater and ripped, rolled up jeans. His sheer size made you giggle as he worked a delicate job, and he quickly faced you, his eyes immediately lighting up with anticipation, his gloveless hands making a hands on hips stance.

“ASTRID YOU HAVE ARRIVED! IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU IN THIS FINE ESTABLISHMENT!”

Two customers jumped at the sound of his booming voice, but upon realising who it belonged to they seemed to settle down. Maybe they were regulars. For once it was nice to see humans look relaxed at his presence.

“Hi Paps, I didn’t expect it to be this nice! Do you have a lot of fun working here?” You asked eagerly as you took off your bag to hang on the coat rack against the wall.

“I LOVE IT! THE MANAGER TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE ALL THESE FANCY DRINKS AND HOW TO SERVE THE CUSTOMERS. THEY ALSO GAVE ME A FREE OUTFIT!”

Papyrus stood back and gestured to his apron proudly and the nametag attached. He’d drawn a crude drawing of a skeleton on the side of it in glittery gold pen. Up until now you hadn’t seen him in regular type clothes as he always donned his battle body outfit, so it made a nice change.

“Wow you look great Pap! Cool green apron.” You flashed a smile, your mood already increasing.

“YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY…COOL APRONS FOR COOL DUDES NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus said loudly before pulling you up into a tight hug over the counter, lifting your feet off the ground and squeezing tightly.

“Y-yeah… but my o-organs…w-won’t be cool…for m-much longer…!” You gasped breathlessly as you wriggled under his grasp. It’s scary to think how much damage Papyrus could cause if he had the intention to. He wouldn’t because he is an innocent cinnamon roll, but that’s besides the point. He wasn’t even _trying_ to be strong. Yikes. You heard a squeaky gasp from Papyrus as he straightened up his spinal column and lowered himself about a foot downwards (were you really that small?) and placed you on the floor opposite him. You wobbled on your heels for a couple seconds and Papyrus looked generally concerned as your pupils went hazy.

“AH, I AM SORRY ASTRID. SOMETIMES I FORGET HOW FRAGILE AND SQUISHY HUMANS CAN BE. IMAGINE IF YOU WERE A SKELETON, YOU’D BE SO STRONG!”

You laughed at his unknowing comment and wondered if now would be the time to explain the similarities in human and skeleton anatomy, but that could get awkward real fast as he usually questioned everything. Papyrus started to look more relaxed now you weren’t about to pass out.

“WOULD YOU LIKE ANYTHING TO EAT BEFORE THE MANAGER GETS BACK?? TO DRINK?? AS YOU CAN SEE WE HAVE QUITE THE SELECTION IN OUR CULINARY FOOD MUSEUM.” Papyrus opened the glass sliding door to reach in with some grabbing equipment and a plate.

“Sure Paps! I’ll have a…salted caramel frappuccino please. No cake thank you.” You requested after giving the menu on the wall behind the counter a quick glance over, handing over some awkward small change. Papyrus shook his head and turned to get a glass, rejecting your money.

“THIS ONES ON THE HOUSE HUMAN! ILL TRY AND MAKE IT MY BEST ONE YET!” Papyrus said with determination, and in an instant he swirled around and gathered his ingredients and tools, pressing buttons in a mesmerizingly rhythmic pattern into the machines, humming as he went along.

You were right, Papyrus was too good for this world and you didn’t deserve his kindness. You wished you could adopt monsters so you would never have to leave Papyrus, platonically of course. With this thought you turned to find an empty table or chair, and walked over to some plush chairs overlooking the giant glass windows onto the street and park. You flipped out your phone and checked over the daily news. A cat in New York had been given a prestigious award. Aw. Questionable, but a cat in a robe would make anyone smile. Scrolling down a few more pages you read a caption that made you swallow unconsciously, dropping your phone on the table as you loosened your grip on it.

_“ANTI-MONSTER RADICALIST GROUP ATTACKS HUMAN SYMPATHISERS. 6 DEAD AND 2 IN A FATAL STATE.”_

By simply reading the title you had no choice but to start reading more immediately. It only got worse as you progressed the report, fear and anger building up in you, but also sadness that both humans AND monsters were suffering from something caused be ignorance. The information on the group themselves was vague, mentioning that the human-clad group was unfortunately spread out across several states including your own. The leaders were unknown, an estimate of members also unknown, all that was made clear of was the intention of the group; to make monsters suffer for being who they are, and humans who join them will ultimately pay the price. The attached pictures to the report made your whole body shudder. They were more brutal then you had imagined, you wanted to stop looking but you were too full of different emotions. Monsters and humans of all descriptions covered in bruises, blood, broken bones and lying limp on the floor. One or two pictures showed a parking lot with several body bags from a mass shooting in California and that was your limit, making you lock your phone to place down on the table. They wouldn’t hurt _you_ would they? You weren’t sure if you wanted to find out.

Papyrus came over impressively quickly with your drink despite your horror filled phone session, and he put it on the table with extreme care, eyes centralising on the drink. You couldn’t help but imagine that Papyrus must have been too clumsy at first and knocked over his fair share of drinks onto poor customers and the table. Taking a sip took you to places you’d never been before…the coffee was the perfect balance of bitter and sweet, the caramel neutralising and mixing with the cream on top. Papyrus was still stood by your side waiting for your response, his whole body easing as he heard your delighted hum from his drink. Just as he was about to open his jaw to express what you can only guess is many humble thank you’s, an absolutely beautiful goat monster walked in wearing a regal purple dress with long white sleeves. She was tall and just about the same height, if not a tad smaller then Papyrus. Her fur was thick and pure white, two plump ears resting gracefully on her shoulders that almost touched an expensive looking silver chain round her neck. You were completely awestruck by her appearance and the majestic way she carried herself across the room. Papyrus shuffled on his feet for a second changing his posture to stand more formally, who cleared his throat. In turn, the woman turned her head instinctively, a small smile forming on her face on recognising Papyrus.

“GOOD MORNING YOUR MAJESTY! I BROUGHT ALONG MY HUMAN FRIEND I TOLD YOU ABOUT AND THEY ARE HAVE AN APPETITE FOR LEARNING AND WORK ALMOST AS BIG AS ASSORTED BEVERAGES AND REFRESHMENTS! WHICH IS, INDEED, USEFUL FOR CAFES!” Papyrus tended to speak like he had been taught English straight from a thesaurus. Did he say your majesty”?! That didn’t make you nervous at all. The woman chuckled at his words and looked over to you with kind eyes after exchanging greetings with the enthusiastic skeleton.

“Hello there my child, I have heard many great things about you from Papyrus here who has spoken very highly of you.” She had a voice that could melt hearts and make angels sing. “You are interested in working here, are you not?”

“I am! I promise I won’t let you down, I used to work in my friend’s restaurant several years ago, so I have general experience.” You tried your hardest to accentuate your voice to sound as posh as you could muster, but it was no match for the goat lady who spoke with a sense of aristocracy.

“This is great news! I must thank you for helping this way, I do not actually manage the place but do privately fund it to help monster-human relations for the embassy. The manager is unwell and I have stepped in temporarily to keep the café going.” You nodded, but still had burning questions to ask. “If you follow me, my child, I shall get you accustomed to what your job entails.”

For the next 4 hours or so, you were taught the fine arts of coffee making which is way more complicated then you first imagined. You were given many tutorials including how to correctly swirl the cream to make pretty shapes (Papyrus’s favourite was the snowflake), operating the industrial sized coffee machines and basic serving/customer knowledge. By the end of the day you were granted with your own work clothes, yours being the same green apron as Papyrus’s but much, much smaller. The goat lady came over to click your badge on as if presenting a soldier with a medal, proud of how quick you had learnt the ropes. When she was done, you caught her eye.

“I just wanted to say a big thanks for teaching me all this, taking me under your wing as your little protégé or whatever.” You thanked shyly, noticing her eyelashes flutter slightly with your statement.

“You are very welcome! Unfortunate as it is, many humans are…put off by monsters working here. Thankfully no one has resorted to physical violence.” Her tone of voice was saddening, as if to suggest that it’s likely to happen soon. You sympathised with the monster, who looked over to a busy Papyrus who was clearing tables, sweeping at cups and plates alike.

“I met Papyrus on the train, you know,” You spoke up. “I worry about him. His vulnerability.” The woman looked at you as if coming to a big realisation and smiled widely.

“Oh! You must be the human Sans was talking about! Forgive me my child, I was not aware that you were the human that now resides with the brothers. I am Toriel, I forgot to introduce myself earlier.” She seemed to be beaming now, the fact that you were all somehow linked made the atmosphere warm and inviting.

“Wait, Toriel? Tori? Sans mentioned you too! Briefly…but im Astrid! Hang on, I mentioned that didn’t I… Ah, let me start over. I-” Your speech was interrupted by Toriel embracing you in a big hug, her fuzzy fur spreading a warm sensation over you which felt like the presence of magic based off your experience of Papyrus holding your hand before. Toriel moved her arm up and down your back and you felt a maternal sense about the way she did this, not wanting to let go. Her scent could only be described as fiery or smoky, a hint of cinnamon too maybe but you weren’t one hundred percent sure. You can’t explain why, but you had an overpowering urge to call her Goat Mom.

“Yes, Sans is very secretive and vague like that as you have seen yourself I am sure of it.” Toriel laughed into her paw. That’s the most accurate thing you’d heard all day. Sans was like those Japanese 3D puzzle boxes that you’d get as a kid that were virtually impossible to open, unless you knew exactly how with precise movements. You noticed that certain topics Sans avoided, especially his own personal life, which caused him to become slightly reclusive. Drawing yourself back to planet Earth, you laughed along with Toriel too, your expression shifting to one of great understanding.

“But anyway, you must come to our house next week Astrid. We’re throwing a small get together, a dinner party if you will and it’d be nice if you could join us.” There wasn’t even an option to say no, this goat was too perfect, too kind, too automatically trusting to even dare think about declining.

“Wow are you sure? I wouldn’t want to interrupt or anything.” You wanted to go anyway, but there’s nothing wrong with some cheeky back and forth indecisiveness before you come to your conclusion. You did have a lot of Netflix to catch up on, but now that you think about it, you haven’t been to a social gathering like a dinner party in years.

“You are always welcome at the Dreemur household, my child. Friends of Sans and Papyrus are always friends of mine.” Toriel said patiently, and you just wanted to squeeze hug this woman all day.

“Thank you so much Goat Mom.” You said your own thoughts out loud. Oh god. OH GOD NO. This is where she finds an excuse to leave and you never see her again. Or you get murdered. Which one is worse you’re not sure of.

Shockingly, Toriel looked not only surprised but happy at you calling her your mom? She patted you on the head attentively, if it was Sans you would have flicked your head away but your Goat Mom was best mom, meaning she is the only exception.

“Did you just…call me mom?” Toriel looked at you with a shocked expression, her eyes gleaming at the sentiment none the less.

“uh, im sorry that was like, totally weird of me man.” You apologised for insisting the goat is now bound to you. Instead she laughed heartily, shaking her head as if it was nothing.

“It is okay to call me mother, if you insist. It just reminded me of my own child for a second, they said something very similar to me once in the underground.” She looked lost in her own happiness, compared to you who was gawking like an idiot.

“With you as a mom I bet they are a great kid, no doubt!” You winked at Toriel and instantly regretted it, Sans had influenced your speech and actions more than you thought and it had only been a matter of days. You hadn’t stopped making coffee related puns to yourself all day. Toriel blushed a bit at your compliment, liking the idea very much of being a good parent. “What’s their name?”

“They are called Frisk. You may have heard of their previous activities, im sure.” This was all too much! Sans and Papyrus somehow knew Mettaton, Papyrus knew the king personally, you’re talking to the queen as of this moment and now you find out that Toriel is Frisks mom? As in _the_ Frisk.

Frisk, the one who freed all monster kind.

You could barely walk to the closest park at 9 years old, but this kid saved a whole civilisation.

This was going to be some insane dinner party, and you couldn’t wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Burgerpants AND Toriel in the same chapter?  
> Man, you'd think this was a crossover episode or something. ;);)
> 
> I'm unsure on whether to make Undyne be rude/untrusting to Astrid at first and then warm up to her, or be nice initially...  
> so I'm stalling on her introduction!


	6. That's quite the palace you've got there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NGAHHH sorry this took so long! Or maybe it didn't, but I've been kinda on and off ill for the past week so its been hard to get writing this son of a gun they call fanfiction.  
> I'm finally starting to kick my sickness in the ass though, which means more dedication to this!

_“ANOTHER ARSON ATTACK SAID TO BE FROM HUMAN SUPERIORITY GROUPS CAUSES 4 MONSTER DEATHS, WITNESSES FROM THE SCE-”_ Urgh, no more. You've been hearing enough monster hate related news to last 4 lifetimes. You grabbed at the remote and turned the TV off with an angry flick of the wrist, sighing loudly as you thought about what’s happening in the world. The situation has never been this bad since the monsters resurfaced. It seemed like there was a problem every week, everyday even and the media licked it up which caused it to get more extreme and spread rapidly. The whole thing kind of worried you slightly now that not only do you live in Ebott, you live with and are friends with monsters. You’d never seen Papyrus fight and even if he was strong he probably wouldn’t do a damn thing out of kindness and his cinnamon roll ways. Sans doesn’t do things that require large amounts of effort, but if it was for his brother you’re certain he’d step in, not that he’d be much help anyway, he's asleep 50% of the time as it is.

The café finished early because Toriel was managing the place and she had to prepare for tonight, so you and Papyrus were lucky enough to get a half-day. For most of the day he was talking about how great it would be to get spaghetti flavoured drinks and cakes on the menu, but Toriel didn’t fangirl over it too much and neither did the customers in line by the looks on their faces. After a week of working there, you and Papyrus had got into a great rhythm with you handling drinks for the first part of the day, Pap handling food and then you’d both sweep over the tables from opposite sides of the room which was efficient as it was competitive. Sometimes you'd change it up so you didn't get into the same repetitive cycle. You’d even convinced Toriel to play music during the day but sadly only at a “moderate level” which didn’t live up to your needs where you always played music at the loudest possible sound on your phone, your eardrums suffering although always anjoying. Definitely not to hint to people you didn’t want to talk to them. Pfft. That just wouldn’t be the Astrid way, now would it?

**\- - -**

As you walked into the empty apartment following a lanky skeleton, you noticed that sometimes you wouldn’t see Sans for ridiculously long periods of time. The other day you were sitting on the couch dramatically screaming when a character died on the anime you were watching and Sans walked in looking like death after 2 days of a disappearing act. It was weird but also so normal for someone like Sans, if it was anyone else doing it you’d be seriously worried that they’re in danger. You had a couple hours to spare before you had to start getting ready for the dinner party at Toriels place so you spent it sitting on Papyrus’s bed going through magazines idly as he talked you through a couple puzzles that he’d been working on with so much detail you thought your head was about to explode. The conversation eventually started to drift to the later events of tonight where Papyrus was beside himself with happiness and enthusiasm, or at least more than his usual peppy attitude.

“THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL NERVOUS ASTRID AS THERE WILL BE ONE OTHER HUMAN TOO WHO IS EVEN TINIER THEN YOURSELF.” Papyrus quietly shouted without taking his eyes off the computer as he did some mild calibrations. You knew that the other human was Frisk but it didn’t exactly calm you down knowing how MLG this kid was, however they did free the monster race so that’s a guarantee that they will be civil and nice.

“Who else do you think will be there Pap?” You figured it would be easier if you went in knowing some basic information about the people there. Papyrus leaned back into his chair and placed a thinking hand on his chin as he thought.

“TORIEL WILL BE THERE AS IT IS HER DOMAIN! ASGORE…MAY OR MAY NOT BE THERE…THEY ALWAYS EXCHANGE STRANGE GLARES BUT ITS BETTER THEN HER TELLING THOSE DREADFUL PUNS!!” You giggled at his annoyed face after going into pun territory.

“YOULL ALSO GET TO MEET UNDYNE AND DR ALPHYS!! ALPHYS USED TO BE THE ROYAL SCIENTIST OF THE UNDERGROUND AND WELL…YOU’VE HEARD ALL ABOUT UNDYNE FROM HER BESTFRIEND!” Papyrus leaned in close after swinging over to you still on the desk chair and whispered “THAT’S ME.” Despite a new name being mentioned, you were still curious about this Undyne.

“So uh, what’s Undyne like?” You found yourself blurting out your thoughts very suddenly. Papyrus tore his eyes off the computer to face you, his face a mix of anticipation and seriousness.

“UNDYNE CAN BE KIND OF INTENSE. SHE MAY WRESTLE YOU BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TAG ME IN FOR HAND TO HAND COMBAT ASSISTANCE" Oh. "BUT SHES A GOOD TRAINING BUDDY AND PUSHES ME TO MY ALMOST BUT NOT QUITE LIMITS NYEH HEH!!” he patted you on the head as he tested his puzzle, only for a loud beeping noise to come out of the speakers and Papyrus to start muttering irritably under his breath. Breath? Wait why did he need to breath?! This is the first time you’ve fully comprehended this and it fills you with discomfort.

You waved to Papyrus as you fled the room to get ready for the shindig you felt like you were invading. Swinging the wardrobe open you ran your fingertips from left to right over the clothes collection you were slowly building and pulled some off in hope of finding the perfect outfit that was smart but didn’t look like you were trying too hard to be fancy. Thankfully, Toriel knew you were strapped for cash and paid you in advance for the whole month seeing as you’d been a hardworking employee so far, so you jumped at the chance to go shopping for extra stuff and bought a mix of cute, comfy and more high end clothes which you had a slight soft spot for. You desperately wanted to know what everyone else was wearing so you can blend in but you didn’t get that luxury and had to guess. There’s no doubt in your mind that Sans will wear the exact same thing he always does and Papyrus mentioned the possibility of wearing his battle body in case he’s called to “urgent duty” whatever that means. You hadn’t met most of the other people going so you had no idea on their part. God why are you doing this! Social anxiety doesn’t need more temptation! You mentally slapped yourself and browsed at your options before noticing that you had an audience watching you at the door.

“if youre planning on taking all of those and changing every hour its gonna be a long night.” Sans was leaning against the door frame lazily diverting his eyes between you and all the outfits. “honestly tori and asgore wont care what ya wear as long as youre not _naked_.” You only had to look at him for a second to know he was trying his hardest to not blush, and you threw a pillow at his head as he grinned at you suggestively. By now you had got over the whole shower incident but it still made you feel awkward that he’d seen you like that. Sans deflected it with his magic without lifting a single body part, giving a quick laugh at your jaw dropping before you spoke again.

“Toriel was the former Queen right? So I like have to make a good impression and shit…” You sat down on the end of your bed, huffing as you fiddled with the sleeves of your sweater. Sans hummed as he walked over to all the pieces on your bed, eyeing each one before selecting some dark skinny jeans and a sheer cream top.

“howzabout this one?” You had to give him credit because most guys would either 1. Pick the tightest, most cleavage showing outfit possible or 2. Choose the very first garment they saw so they could slip themselves away from a girly clothes parade. You held the shirt to your chest and draped the jeans on your legs as a way of checking it out together and my oh my, it looked pretty classy with a hint of borderline casual which is exactly what you were aiming for. You think. That’s what you’ve got in front of you anyway.

“I’m surprised bone boy, didn’t think fashion was your forte.” You playfully nudged him while walking to the other side of the room to spray some perfume in a quick motion. Sans gasped loudly and faked offence by lifting a boney hand to hold to his chest, impersonating Papyrus's stance.

“I gotta say im a little hurt astrid, i mean, these shorts are premium walmart exclusives along with my high end sneakers. they aint even slippers kid.” He extended his fibula out in front of you and rotated it a couple times to show off his new footwear, which in all fairness had some sort of formality to them, and by that you meant they were clean and had laces.

“Holy crap you’re actually wearing proper shoes?! I thought if it wasn’t _brogue_ don’t fix it.” You couldn’t resist against the grin that rose on your face, Sans face changing to a giddy expression you knew to well as his pun face.

“id rather not give toriel the chance to give me the _boot._ ” His smugness was hitting you like a slap to the face, urging you to pick up your game.

“But at least you’d go out _kicking_.” Sans looked at you for a second as his eyes widened with glee before he burst out  laughing, grabbing his ribs like he wasn’t expecting it. He should of course, you’re the self proclaimed queen of puns.

“i gotta say im impressed kid, but you really should know when to admit de _feet_.” You pursed your lips and pouted, the so called queen of puns was unfortunately out of puns.

“If I let you win I’m giving in to peer pressure, I simply won’t allow it.” You placed your hands on your hips with too much sass for one given person to handle causing him to snicker. As you put the remaining sprawl of clothes away from your bed, Sans was still in the room looking hesitant to leave, making the atmosphere fall to an awkward level. Flinging a jumper into the wardrobe allowed you to get a sneaky peak of him gripping the side of the bedside table as he eyed a ring resting on it. You walked over which caught him by surprise and picked it up and slid the silver daisy ring onto your middle finger, twirling your hand gently to admire how it sparkled slightly as it hit the light.  You’d had that ring for years and barely took it off. Daisies were just fascinating to you ever since you were a child, making chains and flower crowns for you and your dog even though she ate them right after shaking them off her head.

“thats a nice ring ya got there, looks expensive.” Sans spoke with general interest, the way you were holding it made it appear sentimental and a part of you.

“I’ve had this ring for so, so long! I’m not one of those girls that goes nuts for flowers but when I was a kid I was pretty hot headed, never still or not doing anything you know? But my first house had this huge garden that got filled to the brim with daisy fields and every time the grass was mowed I’d get super mad because it would get rid of the flowers growing there and id have nothing to keep me calm. I like holding them in my hands, making chains, I liked how gentle the daisies were and how they were so beautiful even though compared to other flowers they seemed basic. But I guess that’s the point, you shouldn’t _have_ to compare somethings worth – if it’s beautiful it’s beautiful, it’s all in the eye of the beholder.” You released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding and looked up to see Sans looking at you with intrigued curiosity, taking in every word. He looked amused as that’s most likely the longest thing you’ve ever said to him the whole time you’ve been here, slightly lost in your words and rambling.

"wow kid, didnt know ya had that in you." You blushed more then you wanted to and looked back at the ring again.

“do all humans do that?” Sans asked with a smirk on his face.

“Do what?” You snapped your head back up to his face again and his smile softened a bit.

“sometimes when im talkin to ya, your face gets as red as paps scarf.” He chuckled lightly as you blushed even more. That asshole! He knew exactly what he was talking about, monsters blushed too but he just wanted to gage a reaction out of you, and goddamn it worked. “yeah jus’ like that.” he poked your cheek and you puffed it out in response where he flicked it back when you decided to swat at it with your hand.

“Shut up you bonehead.” You had hardly spoke to Sans much as he was hardly ever in the apartment, so it was your mini mission to try and befriend him more. “Anyhoo I seriously need you to get out because I don’t think Toriel is going to be impressed if I show up in an apron.” You flared the sides of the apron out and gave it a swirl to Sans who saluted to you and bid to leave so you could get changed. Shutting the door behind him you yanked off your jeans to swap them for an ever tighter pair courtesy of Sans picking, the old ones leaving symmetrical pink lines running up the side of your legs and small divets from the buttons. You then wrestled your arms into the cream blouse and smoothed it out with your hands before finishing the look off with some simple wedges and a faux pearl necklace.

You stumbled into the living room to be met by Papyrus who was pacing around the room, smiling with glee upon seeing you enter. Sans was idly scrolling on his phone and you felt a pang of guilt that they had to wait for you.

“O-HO THE HUMAN ARRIVES! YOU ARE JUST ON TIME ASTRID FOR MY MAJESTIC VEHICLE AWAITS TO TAKE US…AND SANS IF HE WOULD STOP BOONDOGGLING AND GET THE QUEENS GIFT!” Papyrus as usual, looked extremely enthusiastic at attending the dinner party and it was contagious, instantly perking up the mood as you grabbed your leather jacket for safe measures. He seemed to have ditched his battle body for a rolled up short sleeved white shirt with Pomeranians covering it and some dark blue shorts. Sans had changed his shorts for black sweatpants, which even though were still casual meant he’d made some sort of effort. He got up and disappeared in a blue flash, only to reappear in the kitchen that was only 5 feet away to pick up a white cardboard box, teleporting out of sight again. You shot Papyrus a questioning look, who sighed as he grabbed his car keys from the little bowl next to the door.

“HE GETS LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERYDAY! HOWEVER, HE DID BAKE A QUICHE ALL BY HIMSELF, SO I MUST NOT REPRIMAND HIM JUST YET.” Papyrus started out angry and berating his brother, but his loud voice turned subtly affectionate and you found it adorable. He didn’t meet your eyes but you had the feeling he was smiling anyway. You both turned to the door and left, yet again taking the stairs because Papyrus said he must keep his “statuesque physique perfect for training” and that taking the lift is giving in to the tempation, which is pretty sound logic.

**-  -  -**

When you got to the car Sans was already inside on the back seat, scaring the shit out of you once again because no one expects to see a grin when peering through tinted windows. He winked at you as you sat down on the plush black leather, letting your body fall into the comfy seats as you sighed with content. The box with the quiche was riding shotgun, even having the seatbelt round it's edges for safe precaution. The interior was fancier then you expected and you wondered how the hell they got the money to pay for this considering Papyrus has the same job as you which was a more generous pay then most cafes but not big enough to foot the bill for this. Sans had never mentioned his job, or even if he had one at all. As Papyrus started the engine with a firm twist of the keys the car shot forward immediately and you gripped onto the car door handle and held on for dear life, noticing that his exuberant personality was no different than his driving style and if by the off chance you survived the journey you might give him a few helpful pointers.

“This car is seriously one of the nicest cars I’ve ever been in.” Papyrus chirped up at this, he loved his car to bits.

“WHY THANK YOU HUM-ASTRID! MY BED IN THE UNDERGROUND AND CURRENT HOUSING QUARTERS IS A RACE CAR, AND I HAVE REPLICATED THAT IN MY CAR CHOICE.”

“paps was _exhaust_ ed after lookin' around car show rooms for a whole day.” Sans nudged you with his elbow with a bullshit eating grin.

“I bet he was real _tired_.” You threw back much to Papyrus’s groans.

“IF YOU TWO MAKE PUNS TONIGHT I WILL SCREAM ENDLESSLY!” You and Sans exchanged looks and wiggled your brows in agreement. Puns will be shared, hence screams will be heard.

“sorry paps but you _auto_ know I can’t do that.”

“SANS STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!”

“i promise _oil_ change.”

“NYEHHHH!” Papyrus was positively fuming by this point, so it was a good time to intercept the conversation despite you loving it and change it to something Papyrus spoke about often. Himself.

“So this car looks like it’s worth a lot Paps!” You hoped that didn’t come across as rude but too late for take backs.

“THE AUTOMOBILE YOU ARE CURRENTLY SEATED IN IS A JAGUAR F-TYPE…OR SO I REMEMBER, I DIDN’T BUY IT MYSELF.” You knitted your brows in confusion before he continued, almost losing an arm when the whole car jolted over a speedbump way too fast for your poor heart. “WHEN WE REACHED THE SURFACE, THE FIRST THING ME AND SANS BROUGHT WAS THIS CAR! HE TRADED IN HIS MONSTER GOLD STASH WHICH IS WORTH QUITE THE FORTUNE AS IT WAS NOT COMMON AT THE TIME.” So sans had spent his entire money just so Papyrus could get a car? That is some intense brotherly love.

“Aw sans that is so nice!” You put the sweetest voice on possible just to embarrass him but you really did mean it. Sans nodded his head and rolled his eyes at you before looking into the windscreen mirror.

"'s no big deal." Sans shrugged and winked at you.

"SANS SAID HE DID NOT CARE FOR THE MONEY, BUT I BROUGHT HIM A TELESCOPE ANYWAY!"

“anything for the best bro ever.” His eyes met Papyrus’s and the two shared a fond expression, with you breaking the moment with some much needed “aw”s.

The trip to Toriel’s house took about 40 minutes, but that could be down to Papyrus having a tendency to speed down the highway and to your horror skip past many red stop signs. For most of it the radio was cranked up with you singing to the radio, Sans expressing his hatred for Taylor Swift, Papyrus whispering that he in fact is a fan of her songs, talking with the skelebros about what and not to expect, with Sans eventually falling asleep clutching his seatbelt with his knees tucked up like a big baby. You just had to take a picture for future blackmail references.

The skeletons apartment was the only monster home you’d ever been to, so when you were told that you were nearly there you felt apprehensive and nervous. Toriel was your temporary manager so wouldn’t it be impossible to relax there? If you thought about it, it was supposed to be a kind of formal gathering anyway because it wasn’t a party but a dinner party. You started to fiddle with your necklace when you were snapped out of your thoughts by a light tap-tap to the knee and a comforting look from Sans, who seemed to understand your current state as if reading your mind. Can monsters read minds? Another question to save for later.

Papyrus started driving into familiar territory that you’d seen before. You looked out the window amazed and slightly out of place as the car started driving (thankfully slower) towards Azure Hills, the uptown area of Ebott where the richest, most influential people lived and looking at your surroundings you had no doubt about it. Every single tree and plant was lined on the street to perfection, equal gaps between each on both sides. Three story mansions were spread out evenly with plenty of green space and high metal fences on the front, some gold or silver tipped. Each house had a specific name such as “Earlbrough Manor” or “Graceborne House”, some big enough for pools and tennis courts alike. Some houses had statues outside their house, others had giant glass windows. After 2 minutes of wide eyed observation, Papyrus pulled up to a rather elaborate mansion with a huge stone paved drive, small fountain in the yard and an electronically controlled fence. You knew Toriel was a former queen but you certainly weren’t expecting this. It reminded you of home, a sense of nostalgia and faint sadness washing over you. You tried not to let it show.

“You could of mentioned that she was totally loaded!” You said with a shaky quality to your voice. He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled at you, eyeing you with the smallest hint of suspicion, then dropping it and hopefully taking your hesitation for nerves.

“this is tori were talkin about here kid, but trust me its pretty chill inside.” Sans did not help at you with feeling chill at all.

All of you got out of the car, Papyrus sauntering over to the gate like he’d done this a million times already and pressed the button for allowance. A voice came though the receiver but you couldn’t pick up on who it was.

“Like sorry, but no humans allowed and stuff.” Papyrus answered with a puzzled nyeh.

“Yeah like, what he said bro.” Well that was odd. And maybe just maybe a tad offensive. Sans let out an exasperated huff and walked up to the receiver next to his brother, leaning his forearm up the side of the gate.

“rg 01 weve talked about this bud. were not in the underground, humans aren’t on the agenda anymore. plus tori invited us and the human, so be a doll and let us in would ya?” It seemed to do the trick as after a few muffled sounds the other guard came back.

“Sorry this is like, mega embarrassing…me and my bro will like totally get the gate open and all that.”

You gave Sans a double thumbs up, Papyrus sprinting back to his car at rapid speed so he could beat the gate opening and then park up his car on the other side, Sans snickering as he turned the radio on for a measly 10 second drive. You and Sans both walked up to the large wooden and metal door. Forget a double door, it was almost a triple door from the sheer size of it. If doors could be intimidating, this would be the one. You tugged at the giant knocker shaped like a goat with horns, laughing internally at the thought that they probably changed that themselves. Laying your head on the wood part as Papyrus lectured Sans’ outfit, a commotion was being made from several voices, one being Toriel and at least two others, one sounding loud and bellowing. Suddenly the door swung open making your head duck and fall forwards, luckily you were grabbed around the waist and felt warm thick hair tickling your stomach through your thin layered shirt as they nuzzled into you. Big brown eyes looked up at you, twinkling under the porch light.

“Astrid is it…? Mom and Sans and Papyrus have said so much about you!” Their voice was soft and silky, but firm. They looked about teenager age.

“I'm Frisk.” They stepped back away from you and reached out a hand with a patient smile which you took without a moment’s hesitation, the nerves you once had now non-existent at their calm, happy composure.

The time to start socialising like your life depends on it is now, not that you minded one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aren't I like, the worst for dragging this out and stuff ;);)


	7. Is tuna on the menu? Because you're a sexy fish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love it when your files get corrupted so you have to rewrite about 3000 words all over again? Because oh boy is that FUN.  
> But regardless I think this is my longest chapter yet because I wrote about 11 pages xD

Oh. Would you look at that. The famous Frisk is winking at you and you're ever so slightly starstruck. Oh come on Astrid, get some goddamn self control. You mentally scolded yourself because you were accidentally gawking at the kid who was trying to motion you to come inside. Papyrus threw himself through the doorway before you even remembered where you were and what was going on and you heard his voice at an even louder volume than usual, mildly shouting about the place. You walked in with Sans as you attempted the most casual walk possible while wearing constricting jeans that were cutting off the circulation in your legs. Hint to self, "super skinny" jeans are not for the faint hearted. Pants aside, Toriel was making her way down the hallway to you both. She had a similar purple dress to what she was wearing last time you saw her but this one had slight beads round the collar and short flowing sleeves instead. A flour covered apron was tied loosely round her waist too. You didn’t know the downright details to monsters, but you can tell when someone was making an effort and the fabulous goat before you looked like she'd been working her ass off. Her eyes found yours down the marble walled corridor and a smile came across her face. 

"Astrid my child! It is very good to see you here, I'm glad you could join us." She rested her paw on the top of your shoulder briefly. You reached out and gave her a side hug. 

"Thanks for inviting me Tori! Your house is like, totally awesome and so big. You’ve got some nice mirrors in here." You facepalmed inwardly. Now they think you have a mirror fetish or something. Sans snickered to himself, taking a lazy step forward to face Toriel properly. 

"This place? Oh it's nothing special, but I won't turn down a compliment." She winked at you. 

"I was kinda nervous coming here I won't lie but now I know you've got a place like this don’t mind if I make myself at home." What was getting into you! Thankfully Toriel just blushed, oblivious to your cheekiness, and her eyed widened at the sight of fresh quiche on the side. 

"You will feel right at home soon I'm sure of it." Tori nudged your gently and turned to Sans. "But what's this here? Sans did Pa- _pie_ -rus help you bake this time? The poor boy should learn something other than spaghetti." Her brow furrowed, pun forgotten. Sans chuckled lightly. 

"nah jus' me tori, thought id make ya somethin' different this time." This time? Sans could bake? How did you not know this information considering all you ever seemed to eat was pasta related dishes back home? Sans seemed to blush lightly as you gave him a quirky eyebrow raise. 

"And there's me thinking you could never have enough creme brulee. But thank you very much Sans, we can add it to the table later. Now come, come you two!"  

 ** _-  -  -_**  

Looking around the rooms as you walked, the whole set up was sparse in terms of furniture, but had what felt like hundred of pictures to give that homely feel. A lot of them had Sans in and you got the impression that maybe Toriel was his ex and they used to be an item or there was some history to that, but then again that’s none of your business. On the inside of course you were _dying_ to know if your theory was right or not. You saw Papyrus in a couple of them too surrounded by different monsters and one where he was kissing spaghetti passionately, frisk making an appearance in some cute tumblr looking polaroid's. The hallway was at least 7 feet tall and had impressive arch-like pillars on either sides. The living room was big, but so was every room you'd seen so far and that probably wasn’t about to change. Toriel was talking to Frisk about something snail related while you all walked which you didn’t interrupt because honestly, not a huge expert in that field, and you all rounded the corner into the kitchen. Frisk piped their head round the door frame as if looking for someone, spotting Papyrus and running into to jump as far forward onto their back as physically possible in the form of an attack hug. 

"HELP! A TINY HUMAN IS ATTEMPTING TO INITIATE A WRESTLING MATCH!" Papyrus yelped as he swung a laughing Frisk round in a circle, almost knocking every glass and bottle down in sight and looking around apologetically. Sans shrugged and gave everyone the "you should all be used to this by now" look. You walked past the table to take a quick glance of the love of your life, food, before your eyes stumbled across a little yellow...lizard creature? The monster was watching something on their phone with one earphone in, their eyes frantically scanning the screen to follow the movements. Every couple seconds their expression would shift to shock or excitement or _something_. You slithered yourself across the room slowly, because as much as people like being ran at with an intimidating glare you couldn't help notice that they looked nervous so it was best to approach this bonding session with care. Upon a closer look, they had gold-brown scales that covered their body and a tail poking its way out of their chino like pants. You were right in front of them but the lizard was too engrossed in their phone that they hadn't even noticed your presence. Instead of friendly introducing yourself with a "hello! It's so lovely to meet you!" you accidently let out a rough sounding cough which at least caught the monsters attention. They gasped in surprise at your sudden closeness and fumbled with their glasses, blinking in shock for a couple seconds. You smiled at them to let them know you wouldn't bite. 

"O-oh! I'm so s-sorry I didn't see y-you there! My names A-Alphys. You're Astrid r-right?" The lizard apologized somewhere within the stutters. 

"Yeah that’s me! I'm also sorry for interrupting whatever you were watching on your phone just now." Alphys squealed through her teeth and then reclaimed some calm composure. 

"T-that was just n-nerd stuff." She twiddled her fingers shyly and looked between you and the floor. "You probably wouldn’t k-know what it was a-anyway."  

"Lay it on me! Trust me I'm all about said nerd stuff, I practically have my own club. Consisting of only me." You clapped your hands together and nodded your head ready for geek time talk. Alphys looked at you sheepishly and then blushed a light rosy pink. 

"W-well do you like...anime?" She questioned, perking up at the last word and so did you. 

"Heck yes I do. I mean, I'm not an otaku or anything but I've watched my fair share of anime. I think the last one I watched was Attack on Titan because who doesn’t love Levi?" 

"Oh my g-god tell me about it! Eren and Levi are m-my favorite ship...my o-otp! I wish t-they'd make it c-cannon." You slapped your cheek in shock with a popping sound, shocked that you now had someone who you could talk to about shirtless Levi. Oh and the anime it's self of course. 

"Girl, Levi needs to just drop the act because he's about as straight as a roundabout." You raised an eyebrow at Alphys and she giggled behind a claw before blushing again. Her whole body moved upwards as if having a light bulb moment and she grabbed her phone from the counter, quickly scrolling and tapping away and then turning it so you could see too. 

"T-this is my all time f-favorite anime, its c-called Mew Mew Kissie Cutie! It’s about this girl who can make all her problems go away by controlling time with a kiss but if she misses the kiss...! Then allherfriendswillremember what happened before that but despite that it's actually got a very powerful underlying message. About. Friendship." She looked at you with new found confidence in her eyes as she started to activate kawaii fangirl mode. How could you not find that adorable?! It was amazing how Alphys went from a stuttering nervous wreck when you met her to such a passionate person, gushing about the thing she loved. It's always the shy ones you thought. 

"-saved the prince. S-so what do you think will happen in season 5?" Alphys was looking at you with glistening pupils, expecting a fully pledged conversation about an anime you had never heard of until today. Goddamn you and your distracted mind, all you had to do was stand there and listen, you literally had one job. 

"I'll be honest Alphys and say I've never actually seen that anime before, but it sounds like something I'd be into." She let out another gasp. 

"Trust me it's r-really cool! Me and Undyne have s-subscriptions to Crunchyroll b-but I've heard that you can watch it on Kiss Anime too." 

"I use that all the time, its my bane of existence. Because it's free." The corner of Alphys' mouth tugged upwards in a small smile. 

"In the u-underground we didn’t have websites l-like that, so we only had box sets that we found in the g-garbage by Waterfall." Very hygienic, just what you like to hear. She narrowed her eyes and looked at the ground as if recalling something specific. "That meant that I'd find a c-certain anime, get hooked on it b-but then there'd be n-no more to watch. It would be l-left on a constant cliffhanger..."  

"Urgh I know that feeling too well. Sometimes the creators cancel the show all of a sudden and I just wanna BANG!" You jumped into a weak karate stance, stiffly pushing a hand into the air. Alphys' eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head as you startled her. "Slam a bitch down." 

Alphys nodded and you patted her on the shoulder in a consoling way, causing her to flinch but then drop her shoulders. No one should ever have to go through such a tragedy. It broke your poor little heart. She grabbed her drink off the counter top and sipped on it quietly and you propped your elbows on the side, looking around at everyone being social. In the least rudest way possible, you hoped someone would come over to either slip you away or add something to the conversation that was quickly grinding itself to a halt. 

Ah, awkward silence my old friend. 

 _Tap, tap._  

"D-did you say something?" Alphys questioned timidly.  

"Nah, I was just tapping my fingers sorry." You replied hastily, Alphys tightening her lips. Another awkward silence passed so you decided to step it up with some epic get-to-know-you topics, because you were a professional at polite chit chat. 

"So Papyrus tells me you’re a scientist, that’s pretty impressive huh?" You asked Alphys who figeted with the buttons on her blouse and cleared her throat. 

"That’s r-right, I work at the Ebott University. At first it was hard when we resurfaced because a lot of the scientists and d-doctors were more interested in studying m-me..." You sighed in annoyance at the nerve of some people that turned into a small growl which Alphys noticed and furrowed her brow. "But h-hey things are much better now! They realized I was talented in physics, chemistry and b-biology and after 6 months I got my PhD and m-masters degree. So n-now I'll do the occasional lecture for grad students and im also l-leading my own research based on nano science and a-artificial intelligence." She grasped her drink a bit harder and looked up at you sheepishly. 

"Holy shit I didn't think you were that clever Alphys damn. I work at a simple café so your miles ahead of me on the job front." You chuckled and Alphys blushed at the compliment. 

"There's nothing w-wrong with that sort of job at all though, I'm a sucker for tea and cake." You couldn’t help but smirk as you leaned back to look at her straight in the eyes. 

"Hmm...i guess you could say you're a huge _flan_ then?" Alphys tried to stifle a giggle but it was no use, although she definitely sighed outwardly. 

"Looks like you've been spending too much time with Sans..." Was all she said, but it was all down to the fact that your pun game was on point. The motherfucking queen of puns strikes again.  

You spent a couple moments longer talking to everyone else around the room in a sort of cycle, Toriel ushered everyone out the room (in the most well mannered, refined way possible) so she can have some space to sort out the last couple dishes. You offered help because that’s what good guests do, her declining but thanking you anyway.  

Frisk was dragging Papyrus through the lounge and into the drawing room to show him some paintings and art pieces they had done at school, which he was avidly praising and demanding that they teach him when he next comes round. Alphys and Sans were sitting on the leather couch, so you seated yourself right in the middle, finding it strange how unlike the couch in your shared apartment it was firm underneath your butt and had no bounce. Sad times. The music channel was playing on the TV with some classic tunes but Alphys was texting someone excessively, her phone constantly going off. You sipped on some sea (?) tea which was apparently a traditional monster tea straight from the underground. It was mildly pleasant, drinking it made a warmth resonate within your body and it felt like your nerve endings were tingling with a sensation you'd never felt before, causing you to hum and moan at the taste. Sans looked up at you for a second with a thumbs up before turning and leaning over the arm chair lazily towards the open kitchen door. 

"hey tori, thought asgore was droppin' by?" Sans called out to Toriel who was juggling plates and trays around in a somehow coordinated manner. Toriel scooted backwards to look into the lounge for a second before huffing to herself and resuming cooking. 

"Unfortunately not. He has to attend a meeting with very important figures to discuss monster rights and stability, missing it was not an option." You couldn’t make out whether Toriel actually wanted him here or not, her voice very monotone.  

"real shame." Sans deadpanned and turned his attention back to the TV which was showing Katy Perry dance around in a scantily clad excuse for a cat outfit. You shot him a puzzled look to which he shrugged. 

"Don’t you like him or something?" You asked, nudging him to speak up. Sans turned back to you with his smile strained. 

"eh, hes not a bad guy as such, he just made some bad choices in the underground that i didnt agree with. were not on the best of terms but its civil i suppose." You nodded as you took in the new knowledge. No one had said that much about Asgore, you just knew him as the King of Monsters but that’s where the line was drawn. 

"Ah so it's the whole water under the bridge scenario." 

"im too lazy a guy to keep grudges." Sans winked at you and you rolled your eyes but with a smile. "but some things are better to be left behind. dont get me wrong there was a lotta perks down there. everyone was close because all we had was each other, but there was the bad points too." You were worried that the conversation was getting a bit too deep for a nice dinner party setting, but Sans didn’t look like he was having trouble recounting what it was like.  

"That’s a bit like Pandora's box." You noted, pointing your index finger upwards and raising your brows at him. Sans leaned back into the couch, his leg moving up so he could position his ankle up on his knee. He tilted his head back looking curiously at you. 

"whats that when its out? sounds familiar but i cant quite place it." You smiled at him as you continued. 

"I don’t know the nitty gritty details about it but the idea is that there was this mysterious box and one day someone opened it." Sans mocked a gasp. "Crazy stuff I know. Anyway! When they opened the box lots of negative stuff came out like disease, poverty, fear, but after all that? Hope fluttered out along with other nice things to counteract all what had came before." You gestured your hands to represent a butterfly that was floating towards the heavens. Sans smiled with fondness at that idea, the lights in his eyes dilating a tad. 

"huh, i must have been thinking of something else, but i like that anyway. humans and their theories." He chuckled to himself and you leaned your head back into the chair. 

"Us fucking humans and trying to be witty about everything. The curiosity just _kills_ us." You closed your eyes and thought how you had judged the couch too harshly, your butt was feeling mighty fine and supported now. 

"woah c-can curiosity really kill humans...?" Sans asked in a low whisper. His face was awfully cute and innocent with his eyes wide and the pinpricks had grown to an enormous size. You pulled your head back up and looked at him with a confused face, then suddenly bursting with laughter as you slapped your knee and shook your head. Sans tilted his head to the side even more and started to flush in embarrassment at your reaction.

"Oh...oh my god. That was amazing." You released the last couple laughs as you held the base of your stomach. "That’s just a human saying, it won't actually kill us." You were desperately trying not to laugh even more. Sans started laughing too in that low rumbly tone after your explanation, nodding his head. 

"hey dont judge me too harshly, humans are weird man, you have phrases that mean the complete opposite." 

"Monsters are strange too!" You pointed to him in an accusing way. "Like how do you eat? And drink?" Straight after you said it you felt like the biggest asshole on the planet, no in the universe. But you were oh so wrong as now it was Sans turn to take the piss out of you and he doubled over in chuckles and nearly fell off the couch had you not grabbed his forearm and pushed him back to the side. When he calmed himself and looked at you, he looked serious, his head doing a double take left and right secretively. 

"you really wanna know?" Sans said in a low tone, making you lean in to hear properly. You nodded quickly because now you couldn't not find out! It was all very spooky and myseterious. 

"maaaaagic." Sans motioned jazz hands to which you let out a stifled laugh but also feeling generally disappointed, the son of a gun led you on.

"Sans! Cmon that’s too vague for me." He snickered clearly feeling quite proud of himself. 

"what? its true. monsters are made of mostly magic, so when we eat food it turns into magical energy. kinda like fuel for us." 

"Sounds pretty solid logic then. Wow that means you never need the bathroom to pee and stuff. Time conserving too, I like it." Sans laughed as you nodded decisively. 

"yeah humans digest food, we do too but its all used up. im interested in that but also really, really not. as youve figured we _have_ a bathroom but me and paps only _need_ the shower and the sink." He took a swig of ketchup (after a couple weeks getting used to you no longer feel the need to gag), his eyes locked on yours as you both spoke. 

"I actually wondered about that but didn’t want to be rude or anything. So you like shower and stuff?" Sans almost choked on his 'drink' and looked at you with slight offence. 

"erm yeah? we dont go on with life parading around in our own filth thank you. even my laziness has limits." 

"You have a fair point. I thought it'd be hard to scrub all those hard to reach places with the bones and what not." Sans raised a brow at you. Somehow. 

"humans have skeletons inside them too." And that was the phrase that had you breathless with fits of laughter. You continued to laugh when Sans finally picked up on what he said, his face was overcome with embarrassment and mortification, registering how it should never be said again. 

"Careful boneboy, humans will think you're hitting on them." You pushed at him as you turned to the side because a wild Frisk had started playing with and braiding your curls. 

"quiet duchess." He said in a faux sultry voice, getting up from the couch and giving your hair a ruffle for good measure. Frisk looked up to the moving skeleton and shot them a glare as they slightly messed up the braid, undoing it and starting all over with some tut tuts. 

  **-  -  -**  

You couldn’t not look, it was too much. Alphys covered their eyes and Sans was sweating hard. Toriel's usually flopped over ears were pricking up as it went on, suddenly moving when it advanced forward.The tension was higher than BP after a days work at the local store. In your head you applauded your efforts but it was in vain – only a second after you pulled out that certain jenga block the whole building came crashing down, Papyrus launching his fist into the air as the ultimate winner and flipping the table on its side with the action, Frisk dodging left to not get hit by a game piece. That smug cinnamon role bastard. Your imaginary title had been taken from you. 

"NYEH HEH! I TOLD YOU OTHER HUMAN! NO ONE CAN BEAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS AT PUZZLES. CONSIDER YOURSELF THOROUGHLY JAPED." He leaned over to Sans and fist bumped him as Alphys collected some of the pieces that got swept underneath the TV stand. You exaggerated a pout and crossed your arms. 

"No fair! You cheated. I don’t know how but you just did. I'm right." You stuck your tongue out at Papyrus. He bounced onto his feet and smiled smugly. 

"WHAT? ME? I WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER CHEATING! THAT IS ABSURD." 

"nah, paps aint no cheater. astrid got _board_ so she let you win bro." Papyrus made an action as if he was retracting his previous fist bump from Sans and was about to respond when deafening bangs were heard as someone knocked, no hammered, at the door. You seemed to be the only one who was a click away from almost having their eardrums burst as everyone started to get up and move round, especially Alphys who practically jolted into the bathroom with a squeal. Papyrus quickly ran to the door as the banging didn’t stop. Thank the lord for extra large expensive doors or else it would have been surely knocked off its hinges by now. Papyrus unlocked the door with a strangely shaped key and as soon as he did the door swung open loudly.  

Standing there at the door about 10 feet away from you was a giant female fish-like monster. Her height definitely towered above yours to match Papyrus's and now you understood why the door was built to be so damn high. The monsters skin was a radiant blue, covered in scales much like Alphys. She had thick, bright red hair that was pulled into a high ponytail and had longer strands at the sides of her face, including a side fringe that loosely swept over a black eye patch. Edgy. They were dressed in black combat boots, dark green/brown khaki pants and a black tank top and if you were being honest they looked kind of hot, but in that "I will snap your neck if you look at me funny" kind of way. Not that you were putting out a line but if you want to fawn over a busty fish then so be it. She was so ripped it was hard not to stare, even her muscles had muscles and in those muscles you would surely find even more muscles. Red tipped blue fins were on either side of her head to act as ears, and you think you saw gills on her neck that were gently pulsating. 

"PAPYRUS YOU PUNK! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MISSING MY TRAINING THIS MORNING?!" The edgy fish lunged at Papyrus and looped her arm round his neck as she wrestled him. 

"NYEHH PLEASE DON’T NOOGIE THE SKELETON!" Papyrus squeaked and your lady crus- you mean the fish monster finally let him go with a firm slap to the back. Or the vertebruh? You made a mental note to scrub up on your knowledge on skeletal anatomy. Hopefully that wasn’t their version of porn or whatever because if so it would be time to kiss that search history good bye.

"You're off the hook this time Papyrus but next time? ILL MAKE YOU RUN ANOTHER 100 LAPS WITH THE DOGS ON YOUR TAIL FUHUHUH!" She roared and Papyrus started sweating but laughed and nyeh'd none the less.  

"DON’T WORRY UNDYNE I WON'T LET YOU DOWN!" Papyrus shouted and saluted to the woman. She gave him a huge toothy grin that rivaled Sans', showing spiked and 100% intimidating gold teeth that matched her glowing eye. It reminded you of a cat eye with a single black slit down the middle. Unfortunately you were still staring. And the monster had noticed. She looked down the hall at you and pushed her shoulders back to make her even taller. Whelp, living was fun until now, the next 10 seconds of your short lived life should be spent praying that if your friends sold your belongings on eBay after your death, they'd at least buy something super cool like a hot tub or a yearly subscription to Ben and Jerry's ice cream with the money in your honor. 

Undyne as you now knew her name, strode toward you with her one golden eye piercing into you, the boots she wore clapping loudly with each step. You were frozen in place because honestly if you attempted to move you'd probably soil your good jeans. She stopped directly in front of you, sweeping her eyes up and down your body once and then settling for your face again. 

"And who the HELL are you?!" Undyne practically growled in your face, causing you to flinch from her volume at such a close range, but you tried to stand your ground never the less. 

"that’s astrid." Sans offered, and Undyne's head whipped between the two of you. 

"Yep, I'm Astrid, I live with the skelebros. Pap has spoke about you a _lot_ so it's nice to finally meet you...?" You said more weakly than you intended as you held out a shaky hand. She looked down at it with a frown as if deciding whether she wanted to or not, planning out the pros and cons.

"HAH! Papyrus is my bestie so that wouldn’t even surprise me." She grinned widely and looked over to Papyrus who did a double thumbs up sign. Finally she took your hand and shook vigorously which moved you around and somehow not the floor, squeezing one last time before letting go which showed bright red prints across your finger lengths. Undyne looked over your head and a fond smile appeared on her face before she marched past you, brushing your shoulder as she went. As you turned you saw Alphys blushing madly as Undyne walked in her direction, planting a kiss on top of her head as she bent down to her level. 

"Alphy im so sorry im late babe, LD and GD were fighting _again_ over the stick shaped chew toy." You looked over to the pair with a jaw dropping expression. Was that even the same person?! Undyne walked in ready to bust your ass and fuck shit up but then melted as soon as a certain lizard made an appearance. It was rather cute, but you didn’t tell her that. You didn’t have a death wish. 

"I-it's alright Undyne I had a f-feeling you would be so Iate s-so Toriel sent a car round from the embassy." Alphys replied as she looked up towards the fish monster. She looked over to Toriel and smiled. 

"Thanks Tori! Wouldn’t want my cute as hell girlfriend getting into any trouble." Undyne said sweetly as she smoothed a scaly hand over Alphys's head to which she leaned into. 

"Any time Undyne, you know that." Toriel said briskly as she came over for a hug before leaving for the kitchen again. The smells that entered the room when she opened the door was breathtaking and you'd never felt so hungry in your life, lifting a hand to your stomach in reaction to its rumbling.  

"Undyne g-guess what? Astrid here likes a-anime!" Alphys squealed enthusiastically as she tugged at her girlfriends pants. For a second Undyne's face shot up in glee but then went back to a slight scowl. 

"That so punk? I bet your into all the mainstream ones or the animes where little girls frolic around in puny little pink dresses." She retorted but this time with what you think was humour somewhere hidden in her voice. 

"You kidding me? I'm all about the animes that are full of action and drama and shit. There's no room for princessy ones! No pain no gain."  

"E-except Mew Mew Kissie Cutie!" Alphys added. 

"Except Mew Mew kissie cutie." You repeated with a smirk as you placed your hands on your hips with triumph. Undyne clapped you on the shoulder with gusto which was a bit harder then you would of appreciated, and laughed loudly. 

"Now that’s what I like to HEAR! I'M INTO IT! You and I are going to get along just fine punk!" Undyne screamed as she shot you a toothy smile. "Just don’t hit on my girlfriend." She pointed a finger to your face as a warning, but then chuckled as she looked to Alphys' flushed face. 

"Don’t worry I don’t bend that way." You smoothly answered as you all walked into the kitchen for some much needed food and a sit down at the table. These monsters were going to be the death of you, but by now you’d gone past the point of going back. 

 **-  -  -**  

Everyone had started to stampede into the kitchen as soon as Toriel made the first call that dinner is practically done. You chose to sit next to Frisk because they gave you puppy eyes which you found impossible to say no to and Papyrus, opposite to Sans and Toriel, with Alphys and Undyne sitting opposite to each to on the long varnished table two seats down. You had to take your hat off to Toriel because in front of you was about 10 different dishes of absolutely gorgeous looking home cooked food which you couldn’t wait to dig into. The portions were huge but you could handle it, food was your spirit animal. You looked around and couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with happiness. All around you everyone was chatting, laughing and just relishing in the company of others. More importantly most of these people were what you’ve known to become good friends. _Your_ friends. And the rest were friends in the making. 

"Astrid, you should try some of moms bscotch pie, it's almost as sweet as you." Frisk purred as they wiggled the spoon at you. Toriel appreciated the comment at first before turning to their child with annoyance. 

"Frisk, my child we have talked about this – you can not spend your life flirting with everyone you meet..." She lectured to Frisk who sighed and blew some hair out of their eyes as an answer. Ah, the struggles of adolescent youth. Despite the raging hormones, Alphys handed you a plate with some "bscotch pie" and you pushed your dinner plate to the side to make some more room. Everyone was looking at you around the table and leaned forward to see your reaction when you took a bite of it. 

And oh. 

My. 

GOOD LORDY. 

Now is not the appropriate time to start orgasming over a pie. 

You took another bite, then another, and before you knew it the whole slice of pie was gone with only crumbs to show it once existed. It was probably the most delicious dessert you’ve ever tasted and that’s said with no exaggeration in the slightest. The pastry was perfectly cooked and smooth, with the right balance of cinnamon so it wasn’t too overbearing. It reminded you of home, not necessarily your home but the overall idea of the word. You sighed with content and Undyne high fived Papyrus with a huge clap as they both soared over the table. 

For another two hours you all chatted and socialized before finally it was time to call it a night. Toriel mentioned how Frisk had to go to bed soon and she didn’t want her to start getting influenced by the grown ups too much, especially as Undyne had dared them to drink some liquor that was 18% alcohol, to which they said no after a scary look from Goat Mom. You said goodbye to Toriel, Frisk, Alphys and Undyne all giving them little hugs to which Undyne almost broke your back as she pulled you up to her level. The fish was hesitant to trade numbers with you like everyone else did, but eventually gave in to peer pressure when her girlfriend gave her a reassuring look. That answered your question on monsters having cell phones after all. You wondered why you even questioned that, they may be a different species but they certainly aren't stuck in the past. 

"Goodbye my child, have a safe journey home." Toriel said with her smooth angelic voice before kissing you on the forehead. 

"I will, thank you...Goat Mom." You said quietly and she chuckled into her furry paw and lightly pushed you towards Paps' sexy car. 

The dinner party gathering was a great success but now you were feeling extremely drained from the days events. Sans was already asleep somehow when you got in the car, even though he literally got in about 5 seconds before you did. Even The Great Papyrus himself looked dazed, yawning but of course still not using his indoor voice if ever he had one. The ride back was much much quieter than before, Papyrus only talking for a short 10 minutes about why Toriel's spaghetti will never match his own standards before focusing on the drive home. Sans was out cold still which was the normal so you nuzzled into the passenger front seat which was leaned back, allowing you to look out the roof window at some of the stars and the dark looming clouds above. 

  **-  -  -**  

"hey astrid, wakey wakey." Sans pawed at your shoulder with his boney hand that was surprisingly warm even in the cold winter night. He was holding the car door open for you, which was now parked in the apartments car park. 

"Ah, thanks a bunch pal amigo homeslice breadslice." You said sleepily, Sans laughing at your out of it expression. 

"i know you love sleep almost as much as i do, but im sure you dont want to catch your death extending your nap in the cold car." You didn’t respond straight away and Sans face grew concerned, turning to Papyrus and signaling him over to look you over. 

"HUMAN? ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT?" The answer was no but you said nothing and rested the back of your hand against your forehead. It gave you a small electrical shock. Within the past ten minutes your head was going crazy and your stomach was possibly practicing gymnastics for the next Olympics. You wanted to think that you had caught a bug or had the flu but it felt...different. Despite you feeling not quite right, you swung your legs out the side of the car and stood on wobbly legs. Wow. No. Everything was spinning and getting darker and you could vaguely see the skeleton brothers exchange a look before they both stepped forward to grab your limp body as you passed out cold. 

"fuck!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUN! That took an unexpected turn.  
> What do you think happened to our pal Astrid?
> 
> PS Undyne is incredibly fun to write as.


	8. Take it easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG WITH THIS URGHHH I feel sort of ashamed for the time it took me, but I was on holiday for a week and my mom and dad were dragging me around, get this, the outside world...  
> This chapter has a lot of talking in it more then anything. I hope that's okay...? Yikes if it isn't.

_"If you don’t take those clothes off ill do it for you, and trust me_ ** _Pumpkin_** _,"_ _His voice had a more rough and gravely tone to it than usual and you didn’t like where this was about to go._  

 _"I won't be half as_ _nice as last time."_  

 _Slumped on a chair with his legs spread wide, he swished his whiskey glass around in an a messy attempt at a_ _circle_ _so the_ _liquid just about touched the top edge. Leaning_ _his head_ _back to swallow_ _the contents in one, he made an over the top_ _gulping_ _sound._ _He motioned his hands in a come hither motion_ _and you walked over with your head_ _down, trying your hardest to_ _look_ _at everything but him._ _He_ _laughed darkly to himself, the kind of laugh you do when you don't care at all. He brushed his hand up your shirt slowly, running over your breast and then ripping a s_ _trap_ _off your shoulder._  

 _"You like this though don’t you? Acting like a slut all the time. This is what little whores like you deserve."_  

 _You were barely even exposed yet but you felt so naked._ _L_ _ast time you said no he hit you so hard you thought you saw stars. He wrapped his digits round_ _your arm tightly and tugged it hard, making you_ _whelp from the sharp_ _nails digging into your soft skin. On instinct you reached for_ _the hand in an attempt to pry it loose, before being struck over the head, feeling the pain of his hard_ _knuckles and strong hands as you fell to your knees that were now grazed and sore._  

 _Confused, you pressed two fingers to your_ _foreh_ _ead_ _and winced when you touched the injury with too much pressure. Blood the_ _colour_ _of tainted roses_ _was stained onto the tips of your fingers a_ _nd over parts of your nail and you were certain that your head was in a similar state. You didn’t have much time to process_ _, as he carelessly pulled you up by the shoulders to deposit your shaking body in his lap. Did you really just feel a slight_ _bul_ _ge from underneath you_ _? What kind of fucked up person was getting turned on by something like this?_  

_You had to purse your lips to hold back whines and cries but your eyes were_ _filled to the brim with tears as he forced his hand up your shirt once more and groped you_ _aggressively_ _, licking up the side of your neck in a vulgar and sloppy_ _manner, bridges of saliva being stretched from his mouth and breaking simultaneously._

_In a sweeping quick motion he yanked your shirt over the top of your head ungracefully,_ _leaving you only in a_ _bra_ _. You_ _squirmed and wriggled as his_ _hand got more adventurous and_ _trailed_ _the waistband of your shorts, but you couldn’t get up_ _as he was holding you down firmly with his free arm that was pushing down against your thighs so that your legs were practically_ _immobilized_ _. Being stuck in such a constricting_ _position made you_ _start_ _to panic, your chest was heaving faster and faster by the second_ _and you struggled for air as he reinforced his grip on both the mounds of your chest and legs. His hand lingered_ _abov_ _e_ _your cro_ _tch for a second before he reached down and clutched at it._  

 _You_ _weren't_ _sure if others had heard your piercing_ _screams and muffled mobs from the basement._  

 _Or if they did and_ _chose to ignore it._  

 _Because he certainly did._  

 _And she wasn’t around anymore for him to hide._  

 **-  -  -**  

Your eyes flew open in an instant as the unwelcome nightmare took over your thoughts. They were so life like it confused your brain to whether they were re-addressing old "memories" or were the result of whatever weird ass illness you were trying to overcome. Groggily you sat up on your elbows, too drained to get up properly out of bed. You rubbed at your eyes with the heels of your hands and hissed at the sun that was invading your personal space, watching the dust particles settle from the light rays coming in through the blinds and then pawing at them like a kid. 

Pulling back the covers to cool yourself down, your hand crawled across the bed to reach for your phone but the movement was too quick for your weak little body and a nauseating feeling rose in your stomach. By chance there was already an orange bucket waiting for you (thankfully empty) which you heaved into making horrible retching sounds as you threw up what seemed like a weeks worth of dinners. Not that you wanted to look, but the vomit looked...odd. There was a faint blue or purple aura around it, and it looked...shiny? There was only one obvious answer to all this, you'd solved the conundrum. 

You were without a doubt higher than the Empire State right now. 

As your hands collapsed onto your forehead while you regretted your existence, gentle footsteps made their way close to you but you were skeptical to look up based on what happened the last time you moved too fast. Making a compromise you peeked out of gaps through your hands and looked up to see a rather concerned skeleton. You didn’t have to look up much, that being said. 

"heya pal. feeling any better?" Sans whispered as he sat on the end of your bed, subtly eying the gross bucket. Truthfully you'd felt better, but you'd never had an illness quite like this. 

"Honestly? I'm not sure exactly how I feel, because I don’t exactly know what the fuck is going on inside my body. Please help. Don’t make me self diagnose on Google and then find out I have type 2 diabetes." You replied groggily. Sans laughed quietly and rubbed the top of his legs back and forth before he turned to you. 

"'m sorry i should of warned ya duchess, its my fault really, you didnt know any better." Sans said to you as he mulled it over. You pushed your torso from the bed as your interest in the conversation picked up. 

"Huh? Sans what are you on about?" You sounded more frantic then you intended, and he picked up on it, raising his hands and pushing down on the air to calm you.

"hey wow settle down there, nothing to be concerned about too much. on the way home from toris you passed out cold. me and paps had you though, we knew exactly what was up with ya." He nodded his head at you and smiled reassuringly. Sans was being very vague however and your tired mind just wanted an explanation. 

"As much as I love this mysteriousness, what is actually wrong with me?"  

"basically, you overdosed on magic food to put it lightly. im gonna use my sherlock bones detective skills and say youve never ate any before?" Sans looked at you while raising an eyebrow, you nodding quickly to let him continue. 

"right right. the taste of magic food as you found out last night from toris cooking is _amazing_ , way more intense than human food because of its magical properties, it didn’t help that most of it was cooked and infused using fire magic too and not an oven or anything. that means that for all those years youve been eating normal food your body wasnt prepared for that much energy and foreign substances so it rejected it, but it looks like its washing its way out of your system." Sans leaned in closer and scanned your face for any apprehension. You bit your lip as you processed the new information, not thinking there would be so many complications. 

"Damn that’s rough. So is this going to happen every time I have food or drinks with magic in them? I really hope not because Christ that food was something else." You felt your stomach clench at just the idea of not only food, but remembering how perfect that feast was the day of Toriel's dinner party. Sans chuckled and nodded his head. 

"nah it shouldn’t happen again now that youve had it before. think of that as your..." He did the most exaggerated jazz hands you had ever seen and smirked at you from above.  

"magic vaccination." Sans was still beaming as you snickered and pettily punched up with the limited strength you had in you, causing him to laugh more. 

"Thank god! You could say I'm foods number one fan."  

"make that second. you cant _ketchup_ to my level." 

"I'm getting a great sense of deja vu here, but ill let it slide for now until I have the strength for a pun war." Sans guffawed as if you'd said something unbelievable. 

"please kid, remember who youre talkin' to." He gestured to himself and gave you a lazy smile. 

"I'm talking to bone boy." You raised your eyebrows up and down and his face went blue for a semi second, gone so quick you would of missed it if you had blinked. 

"im sorry your highness but you should rest that voice if ya wanna get better." Sans said as he tapped you on the head in a patronizing way and you groaned. Looking at him properly, he looked a lot more visibly well rested then the last time you had saw him. 

"If I wasn’t ill right now I'd hit you. Actually, I probably wouldn’t because skin on bone hurts like a bitch, but that’s irrelevant right now." Sans laughed suddenly and stepped back in mock fear. 

"perks of being a skeleton." Is all he said with a wink, and for some reason you blushed which you really need to stop doing at such inappropriate times. But then again, when is it ever the right timing. Sans face scrunched up slightly and he walked back over to you, placing the back of a boney but not necessarily unpleasant feeling hand lightly against your cheek and then to your forehead. You were confused to whether you were the one feeling heated, or Sans' hands were warm themselves. 

"you feel kinda hot, you doing alright?" His voice had a pang of concern in mixed with his usual laidback tone. You leaned back into your pillow and linked your hands behind your head, staring at the ceiling. 

"Been better. I wish I could get up and walk around because I hate to say it but lying around for ages like this will get boring, but throwing up doesn’t sound too appealing." You twisted your head to Sans who was pushing the bucket towards you slowly with the side of his foot, trying to avoid contact with as much of his body as possible and looking more then a bit grossed out by it. 

"id rather you not be sick too...ive only ever seen a human be sick once before and that was frisk. monsters dont do that because personally I don’t have the stomach fo-" 

"Finish that sentence all your ketchup bottles are merely history." You tried to be serious but couldn’t hold back a couple laughs, Sans narrowing his eyes at you before snorting. It was strange to think that he had only seen vomiting once before despite living on the surface for four years. Granted it wasn’t something you saw everyday, but there are so many bars and clubs nearby it was impossible not to see the odd paralytic person chucking up all their previous drinks into the streets. 

"jeesh whats the world coming to when i cant even finish my jokes, huh?" You shrugged at him as he stood adjacent to the window frame, the sun glistening off his fore bones making them look an extra shade brighter. It was surprisingly aesthetically pleasing.  

"most monsters cant physically be sick as like ive said before the food just converts into magical energy, theres no need to and me and paps also dont have a gag reflex to begin with. but frisk had the exact same thing youre going through now but _worse,_ maybe because they were just a kid I suppose and had a weak immune system. i felt kinda bad, they were unconscious for about 5 days after I took them out for dinner underground and at the time i was completely freaking out. welp. you should talk to 'em about it when youre in tip top shape." You nodded as you clutched your phone to your chest, feeling It buzz with new notifications. 

"5 days?! God I'm glad that didn’t happen to me, looks like I'm the lucky one then." You laughed to yourself feeling glad that you could have had it a lot worse even though you were in a pretty sucky condition as it is. From the side of the room Sans smirked as he folded his arms and tilted his head at you with an amused expression.  

"mhmm about that...youve been asleep for 3 days straight, going on 4." Sans said like it wasn’t a huge deal or anything. You shot back up again, resisting the urge to be sick for both your sakes and looked at Sans with an open mouth and wide eyes. 

"No fucking way! Sans this isn't funny quit laughing! I missed work for 3 whole days! I've missed so much and Toriel's gonna...i'll be so..." Sans stepped over after stopping himself from chuckling and crouched down to your level. You'd started sweating and your breathing was growing more erratic.

"woah its cool honestly youre fine, its fine. you do realize that when you passed out it was directly outside of toris house anyway right? everyone scrambled to the princesses rescue." He snickered at your pout. 

"That would explain why my phones blowing up with notifications. I should answer them so everyone knows I'm fine and dandy." 

"fine and dandy? tell that to the bucket." Sans smirked but with lowkey disgust behind his smile. You turned sharply to look at the bucket. 

"Oh bucket! Forgive me for projectile vomiting into you! I don’t know how ever I can repay you!" You lifted a hand to your head with a sigh, closing your eyes and pretending to faint onto the bed. Sans tutted at your antics and leaned back to sit with his back against the side table. 

"the bucket accepts your apology." Sans commented as he winked before getting up and stretching his arms over his head. The movement made his shirt rise up slightly, revealing a bit of his hip bone. Ah, so there were general similarities to human bone structures and skeleton monsters, nice. "anyway I gotta get goin', i got some stuff to do around town."  

"Stuff?" 

"stuff." 

"Stuff..." 

"stuff." He shrugged at you and shot you another wink. Goddamn that cryptic skeleton, you hated digging into people's personal business and affairs but how could you not be automatically interested by such a vague statement. 

"What kind of stuff? You can’t lie to someone who's sick, it's like an unwritten rule." You gave him puppy eyes while bringing the quilt to your chin. He shook his head slowly as his grin stretched. 

"is it necessarily lying if i choose not to answer?" Sans sassily said, arching the ridge of a single brow bone. You pursed your lips and looked to the side for thought. 

"'Stuff' could be anything from volunteering at a puppy shelter to laundering money within an international drug cartel." Sans guffawed and tapped against the wall with his fingers, creating a hollow clinking noise. 

"shit. youve caught me out." He smirked and you laughed gently, trying not to piss off your stomach even more.  

"Indeed you cute little pupper lover you." Sans rolled his eyes and straightened his posture, eyeing you from the side. 

"im not cute. im manly." 

"But you're a skeleton..." You teased. 

"then that makes me a manly skeleton." 

"How manly can you get at 5 foot,5?" Sans twisted his head and gave you a mischievous grin, feigning offence. 

"is that how were playing now duchess? ya dont wanna go down that road." 

"I have parked my metaphorical car in that road." You persisted.

"youre _driving_ me crazy." Sans grinned like a Cheshire cat but your poor brain was not ready for puns, not now. You turned on your side lazily and face planted a pillow, grumbling unintelligably. 

"Sans nooo get out. Go. Remove yourself." The pillow made your voice low and rumbly, as if being wracked with an illness hadn't made you sound enough like a middle aged man already. 

"alrighty im leaving, i cant af _ford_ to be late anyway. get well soon bucko, pap said hed make ya something when he gets home." You groaned but snorted at the small skeleton, who saluted you with two fingers and disappeared in a blue, fuzzy haze. The teleportation is seriously messing with your head more than ever but you'd be lying to yourself if it wasn’t cool as heck. As weird and vexing as monsters were, at least they left you intrigued and wanting to know more. 

Now that you were (hopefully) on your own, you pulled up your phone and looked at all your messages to see what you'd been missing. Luckily you saved all the contacts in your phone with customized names before you decided it was time for a long, long nap so it wasn’t about to get creepy with random messages from 'strangers'. You smiled a little as you read. 

 

 **Spaghetti Lord Pap:** HUMAN!  

 **Spaghetti Lord** **Pap:** TORIEL TOLD ME IT WAS BEST TO LEAVE YOU IN THE STATE YOU WERE IN. YOUR ROCK FEEDING DUTIES HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO SANS SO DO NOT WORRY, IT WONT STARVE. IF YOU WAKE UP THERE IS SPAGHETTI IN THE FRIDGE, IT IS LABELLED "SPAGHETTI". DO NOT EXCEED YOURSELF WITH ANY STRENUOS ACTIVITIES.

 **Spaghetti Lord Pap:** BY THE WAY, THIS IS PAPYRUS. 

 

Cute little cinnamon roll Papyrus, always thinking of you. And the rock. You snickered at his last text, thinking how it was just perfect how he texted in all block capitals too. There were also a few more unread threads from yesterday and the day of the outing. 

 **Sexy** **fishhh** **:** HEY!! Honestly thought you were tougher than that Astrid, passing out on us all yeesh lol 

 **Sexy** **fishhh** **:**  But anyway, get better soon?! You just gotta OWN that illness and tell it WHOS BOSS! Also please hurry up with being fine again, my adorable girlfriend is worried for you 

 

 **Alph** **:** hi astrid ^-^ I saw you faint from the window, monster food for newbies is best done in small amounts hehe were so so sorry for not warning you...were used to having frisk eat it ;__; It shouldn’t be long till you're okay again, and when you are we can watch anime together! xoxo :3 

 

 **Goat mom:** Hello my child, I do hope you are regaining your strength after your little fall. I must confess, I do feel terrible for the position I have put you in, it was my fault for being so naive and foolish when your body was not prepared for such magic. Do not worry about your shift at the café, Papyrus says he can manage whilst you heal. I am also giving you a raise to make up for my slip up! Come by the café whenever you are ready, do not rush for me or anybody else dear Astrid xxx 

 

You fell back into your pillow with your phone held to your chest after replying to everyone one by one, relishing in the feeling of your friend and soon-to-be-friends concern for you. They actually cared and you couldn’t understand why. In your eyes, you weren't the definition of cool by a long shot, yet these enthusiastic, full of life and quirky characters were coming into your life and so far not leaving. Hell, you were living with two of them already. In the back of your mind you told yourself you didn’t deserve all this nice treatment. Somehow you have got to make it up to them, well at least Sans and Papyrus considering everything that’s happened since you’d met them. Skeleton shaped cookies! Or gingerbread skeletons! Everyone fucking loves gingerbread there's no single flaw in a plan like that and you sighed in content at how cute you were. 

All you need to do now is actually get yourself all fine and dandy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magic + Vulnerable humans= the use of Sans' nifty little bucket.
> 
> I don't know how I feel about this chapter....  
> Comment what you think!


	9. Sneaky yet not so sneaky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd grace you all with a loooong chapter!  
> I try and aim for around 3000 words but then I get carried away and keep going, so here we are with 11 pages of fun.

_Click. Click._  

UrghhhhhhhhhhhH. 

Theres only so many reruns of 27 dresses a girl can take in only week, or an entire lifetime when you put it like that. Ever since you'd woken up from you're magic induced coma every single being with a heartbeat (or lack thereof) has been adamant that in order to get fully better your daily schedule should consist of doing absolutely nothing. 

And it was great! 

For about _a day._  

Toriel came not long after hearing you were conscious again with a basket of snacks which thankfully wasn’t too heavily magic based apart from some cinnamon bunnies which she swore by. After 4 in a row you thought it was best to pace yourself. To your shock even Undyne came over to check up on you and keep you company, bringing a couple anime box sets to borrow but gave strict warnings that if you got even the tiniest scratch on a disk she'd have to come back and "beat the ever-loving shit out of you" in order to restore Alphys's honour. 

Sans was unusually helpful too over the last couple days and instead of being his lazy self brought you blueberry muffins and hot cocoa from a bakery downtown which oh diddly darn you HAD to visit one of the days to buy out the whole stock for your own personal collection. The day after you practically begged him to get you something different from there so you could see if such flavour was truly copyable, to which you were granted with oddly named "spider doughnuts". At first you were hesitant because spiders creeped you the fuck out, but you only had to take one small bite and your taste buds were sent somewhere you could only guess was better than heaven.  

Other than the free perks of friendship food, Sans hung out with you quite a lot when he could, keeping you entertained with shitty but still good jokes and watching movies off Netflix. Being ill had made the two of you get a bit closer which was a good turn of events. Turns out he isn't a great fan of anime but he still managed to get through a couple episodes of One Piece before trailing off and falling asleep not so subtly on the couch beside you, drooping slowly onto your pillow/blanket fort and destroying its awesomeness. Most of the time you were on your own in the apartment because Papyrus was filling in both his and your shift at work, and Sans was often out doing... well you weren't exactly sure. A part of you was curious but the other part knew it was purely out of boredom. The most frustrating part was that you weren't even ill anymore, well atleast that’s what you thought, but Alphys pushed the fact that sleeping for 3 days straight had made your body weak whether you were aware of it or not and considering she was an incredibly smart scientist you figured that listening would be wise. In other words, you were under house arrest.

It didn’t take you very long to grow tired of everyone taking care of you so excessively. Of course, you appreciated the gesture because they just wanted to make you feel better, but you were a grown ass woman! An adult! A shitty adult but that’s not relevant. Even though you weren't particularly familiar with this illness it was pretty much like having the flu but with magic twisted into the mix as well. Unfortunately for you, Papyrus insisted on waiting on you hand and foot no matter how many times you told him that you didn’t need your arm to be manually moved when reaching for the remote, that your brow did not need to be wiped every 10 minutes, that you REALLY could dress yourself just fine and you definitely didn’t need to be read bedtime stories. The first one about bunnies were oddly kind of nice...but no more! You knew the reason too well as to why Papyrus was treating you in such a overprotective way. He was already too caring for his own good, but this was all part of a game, and the other player was Sans. You and him were both contenders in a secret war to outdo each other and tease with jokes and pranks but that fucking skeleton was playing dirty! Using his own brother was technically going against the unwritten rules. 

 _"hey pap,_ _astrids_ _body is super weak from all the magic food._ _i_ _personally think she needs extra care and attention to get better_ _dont_ _cha think? h_ _umans are so fragile. we dont wanna break them."_

 _"THAT IS VERY TRUE BROTHER, WE MUST NOT LET_ _ASTRID'S CONDITION FALTER ANY LOWER! I SIMPLY CANT ALLOW IT."_  

You recalled their exchange, an innocent but equally devious smile on Sans' face.  

Papyrus seemed to have a light bulb moment from then on in and practically carried you everywhere, not that you had much of a say in the matter. Anytime you tried to get up or go somewhere he would just bounce in from out of nowhere and scoop you up in his arms in a surprisingly gentle manner even if it was just to move one step in anther direction. The problem was that he didn’t know when to put you _down._ Yesterday he held you in his arms for a full hour while he made spaghetti in the kitchen, which you'd think was fun but oh no. Sauce. Everywhere. Sans would snicker and chuckle to himself as you clung to Papyrus and you would in response give him "you're so dead" stares which only made it so much funnier for him. 

But luckily today was the day to prove you were a strong, independent woman who didn’t need no skeleton. Once again, the house was gifted with only your presence, Papyrus got back around 4 but you weren't quite sure how long Sans would be before he got back so you didn’t have time to waste.  

Getting up earlier than usual was easy considering you’d been napping and lying about more in 3 days then you ever had in your life. Baking was not fun when you were all gross from the layers of grime that had developed because who the fuck has time for showers? Honestly you had more then enough time but it just felt like soo muuch mooore effoooort when you'd been feeling so exhausted. You chirpily headed for the bathroom, turning the shower on and stumbling around only in underwear while you gathered a couple nice scented lotions so you could feel completely refreshed and energized. You looked in the mirror at your naked form and quickly glanced over your features. Lately you've been using specific oils that were said to help soften the appearance of scars and they were doing wonders for the smaller ones on your arms but the bigger, longer and more prominent ones based around the top of your legs and thigh were going to take more applications and time to make them less visible. Out of sight meant out of mind, and seeing them only made you remember.  

The hot water trickling down your neck and all over your skin left you feeling utterly at ease, making what was meant to be a quick in-and-out refresher turn out to be a 25 minute shower with encore singing at the midway point. After realizing the time you wrestled into a pair of slim fit grey sweatpants and a light purple sweater that read "more issues than vogue", pulled your hair into a messy bun and tugged on some converse by the front door, wrapping a scarf loosely around your neck so you could go and do a bit of grocery shopping.  

 **-  -  -**  

You thanked your lucky stars that you'd worn clothes that were slightly thick and warm because Fall had introduced itself, gale force winds blowing a mixture of brown and golden leaves around in swirls along with kids in wellies and adorable bobble hats kicking them around and jumping into neatly organized stacks with gusto. Out of all the seasons Fall was probably your favourite as you loved the nature element especially in the city where everyone found it still warm enough to be going about their lives, leaves gently falling from trees as they sipped on coffee. Thick jumpers were also amazingly comfortable to wear and snuggle into, the summer obviously being too hot and humid to get away with even wearing thin ones. 

Despite everyone's warnings you were desperate to stretch your legs and not just round the apartment, so you took a more scenic route to walk alongside the lake in Ebott National Park which when you got across it was just around the corner from Walmart. You pulled the sleeves of your sweater down hastily so your hands wouldn’t get too cold and tightened the scarf so you could nuzzle into its warmth. The park was usually busy because hell, Ebott was always full of people, tourists and residents alike but the park was big and spacious enough so that you didn’t feel cramped as you walked through incoming crowds. There seemed to be a small sort of event going on in one corner of the park. It looked like a craft fair as you walked past, seeing the finely woven baskets, handing out varied baked goods that were making it hard for your stomach to keep control and a couple tables where loads of people were painting clay pots, all different sizes and you assumed they'd been made by the painters too. Younger kids were making stick men out of pipe cleaners and trading with other children, monsters included. The sight of both humans and monsters interacting and being so comfortable with each other made you sigh happily. It proved that monsters coming to the surface doesn’t mean they have to be so left out and...isolated. And that goes for humans too, they just need time. 

You'd never been so happy to take in the outside air before after spending so much time indoors in such a small space. The air was crisp and you enjoyed the simple sensation of oxygen filling your lungs and releasing it in a steady motion. Music was playing from your earphones, a steady swing-jazz playlist and the cheerfulness of it made you have a spring in your step. You were so entranced by how beautiful the park looked you almost walked straight into someone, unintentionally knocking into their shoulder with a gasp. The shoulder that knocked yours was rigid and tense, almost as if even though you miscalculated your steps he clearly had not. You slowed your pace as you rubbed your shoulder having a feeling that it would leave a significant sized bruise in its wake. Ignoring the jackass who for the record didn’t even have the gall to apologize you soldiered on and no more than 5 minutes later you rounded the corner and walked for Walmart.  

 **-  -  -**  

In the back pocket of your jeans you pulled out a crumpled piece of paper that you'd written haphazardly so you didn’t have to wonder around the store like an idiot.  

 

*flour 

*ginger 

*cinnamon 

*brown sugar 

*black treacle 

*golden syrup 

*spaghetti (long) 

*edible glitter (4 pap) 

*ketchup x3 

*coca cola 

*bacon 

*icing sugar stuff? 

*poptarts

Grabbing a basket you placed the note in there so you wouldn’t lose it and you scanned the aisles for all the ingredients. A lot of people were at work at this time of the day so there was still loads of stock left and not too many people, you felt a bit of apprehension as you shopped in case you ran into anyone and as you were a morally good person you knew that being up and out when technically in the stages of recovery isn't right, even if you were _perfectly fine_ now! Hopefully even if you did they wouldn’t notice you from a distance because you rarely ever had your hair up. Calming your nerves you gathered the rest of your supplies, going down different aisles and picking up the odd item that wasn’t on the list but fuck it anyway, that piece of paper is you're bitch. 

Standing in the queue you had the feeling of eyes boring into the side of you and on instinct angled your head to get a good look, pretending to scan the room for something before seeing one of your neighbours from the apartment block you were in. He lived on the floor below you as you’d seen him leave when you were taking out the trash once or twice. Coming to think of it, you'd never even met him or introduced yourself but that cab wait another day. You only got to look at him for two seconds tops but that was all you needed. He seemed to squirm as you noticed him, as if his snooping was supposed to go unnoticed and he turned quickly towards the cashier. You raised your brow to yourself as you grabbed some of the stuff from your basket to place/throw onto the conveyor belt. In all honesty he wasn’t bad looking; thick brown hair that nestled around his neck and slightly swept across his forehead in the form of a lazy side fringe. He donned a red, tartan shirt with the sleeves rolled up half way up his forearm which exposed his somewhat tanned skin. Black jeans and black vans, typical skater boy look you noted, sighing as you paid the cashier and grabbed your bags. You didn’t have to turn around again to know you had an audience of one watching you. 

 **-  -  -**  

Being the rebel you always were it was back down the scenic route again even though you mentally scolded yourself for gallivanting around the city. Ah well, nothing could ruin the high-spirited mood you were in right now! Everything about you and the environment around was just more. More intense, more beautiful and you just appreciated all the little details around to such a great extent.  

But then? 

The jackass alert in your head was going off the charts.  

It was that man that you had unfortunately ran into earlier, the person who had rudely charged into you, almost knocking you straight off your feet. It's not that you were weak but the interaction had simply caught you off guard not to mention the stinging sensation it had created in your left shoulder. The first time he was alone, but this time he seemed to have a friend at his side. The man you recognized was drinking out of a brown paper bag which was obviously alcohol while the other was rolling a cigarette between two fingers. You can physically feel how your poor brain cells are just deteriorating at how stupid people can be in plain sight even if it is supposed to be "hidden". 

Irritably, you shook your head as you look at the two figures while you remembering the encounter, passing some sort of food stand. Regrettably you weren't as subtle as you were intending and the heavily top built man seemed to catch on, tapping his friend to get his attention. The park wasn’t as busy now which slowly made you more and more nervous by the second. Keeping your head down and avoiding their line of sight you kept going the way you intended but you were stopped shortly after by the pair who were hunched over you, crossing their arms in an attempt to look menacing. You looked directly up at the man who's shoulder had previously got to second base with yours and huffed impatiently.  

"Listen little lady, didn’t anyone tell you it was _rude_ to stare at people?" He spoke his words like poison, the other man blatantly moving his eyes over every single feature of your body. It was your turn to cross your arms and stand more prominently, which was no doubt hard when your head only reached his shoulder. 

"Something like that, but I'd also say it's pretty douchey to slam into strangers, am I right?" You spat, feeling a sudden boldness come over you. Thank you dear friend, adrenaline. The two men exchanged looks, not quite believing you’d have so much to say. 

 "Maybe it is but so fucking what? If you watched where you were fucking going we wouldn’t have you swooning over finally touching a man." He sneered, fist bumping his friend who laughed loudly at your expense. You laughed dryly and slowly, nodding your head patronizingly.  

"You know what? It's clearly my fault! I was just so attracted to someone who guzzles beer like its water and starts balding at the sad age of 32 I couldn’t not get close to you." You fluttered your lashes jokingly for a second before rolling your eyes and taking a step to the side so you could carry on with life. A strong hand gripped onto your shoulder with no intent on letting go, and you winced and whipped your head round as his fingers started to painfully dig into the flesh that was already aching before hand. What you didn’t expect was to be slapped across the face with his other hand which admittedly you had forgot existed, basic human anatomy knowledge slipping from your brain. His rough and callus fingers making your cheek tingle with a slight soreness but overall causing only minimal pain. Looks like drinking had impaired his senses and you were thankful for alcohol once more. 

"Bitches like you need to learn how to show some respect." He turned you around fully now, your face turning up at him in disgust as your hand met the part of your face that was left numb to a degree. 

"Actually, you're the one who needs to learn something." You leaned in closer to the man who was now heavily confused. 

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" His tone turned threatening, almost like he was daring you to continue. 

"Ever heard of the man from Bangkok?" You asked, pushing back the urge to smile. Oh this was going to be comedy gold, just when you thought everyone had heard this one. 

"No but what the hell has that got to do w- _umph_ _!_ " The man let go of you and dropped abruptly to his knees, which was what you'd call the standard reaction when you're kicked right in the balls. Twice. 

It was now his turn to look worried, clutching onto his manhood and leaning back and forth groaning in pain while his friend stood with a shocked expression as he looked between the both of you, unsure of what role he was meant to be playing in this. You could of swore you heard a woman shout "RIGHT IN THE BOIN LOINS!" In the distance, urging barely audible laughs from the few spectators around you.  

"I think it’s about time to take your boyfriend home now." You turned to the man with the functioning dick who pulled a face but listened regardless. "bit sexually frustrated that one, he needs some time alone to get acquainted with his hand." The man sighed exasperatedly and to your surprise actually briefly apologizing for his friends rude behaviour before pulling on his arm and carrying him away with a resigned stance. Watching them walk away you smiled triumphantly, your good mood returning from the sense of justice being nicely implemented. After they had both gone and left their pride still on the floor, everyone around you dispersed, not really giving the situation much attention anymore. 

To celebrate being a motherfucking boss and standing up for yourself you backtracked to the small food stand about 15 yards away and thought a hotdog sounded right up your alley. Inheriting a very fast metabolic rate was without a doubt the best goddamn thing in the world because not only could you eat enough food that could keep the whole of Ethiopia fed for 6 months in one sitting without putting any weight on, you could also fit comfortably into a size 6 and not have to worry about exercise. Which was ideal, because exercise requires heavy movement and you were not a fan. The person in front of you moved to the side to apply what looked like every single sauce possible onto her hotdog so you scanned the menu board that wasn’t that detailed because... it was just a standard hotdog stand. The worker behind the cooking grill or whatever kind of dodgy equipment they use in shifty food setups like this one was fiddling with something underneath the serving counter but looked like they were nearly done, so you just went ahead and said your order anyway, knowing that they'd hear you. 

"Hey can I get a..." 

"a uh..." 

"Sans...?!" 

Well that was certainly what you'd call unexpected. Standing across from you, leaning against the counter with the smuggest grin physically possible was no other than Sans? What the fuck? Does he? Hotdog? Explanation?? You'd thought long and hard about what he could possibly do for a job and this definitely was not what something that had crossed your mind. 

That also meant that fuuuck...you'd technically been caught 'sneaking out'. Busted. 

Sans smirked at you as he tugged upwards on the hood of his jacket with one hand to pull it up onto his skull more, the fur of his hood wrapping around the curve of his face making him look like some skeleton eskimo if ever they existed. He turned to grab a hotdog from the side to put on the heat, catching your eye as he went. 

"sorry duchess but im not on the menu, not that sorta place." Sans responded to your stuttering, you still coming to terms that he worked at a fucking hotdog place. It was both tragic and amazing at the same time, you weren't sure which one tops the other. 

"Seriously? This is what you do?" Sans nodded with a fond smile as he looked at the sizzling sausages, his expression reminded you of how Papyrus looked at spaghetti, but of course not nearly as lovingly. 

"i got other jobs here and there you could say but yeah this is one of 'em. and to be _frank_ with ya, if theres no customers it means i can sleep on the job."  He shot you a secretive wink and suddenly it all made sense. You were being too out there with your employment options! Obviously he'd be in something that was easy and didn’t require too much effort. You looked over the counter to see a ridiculous amount of ketchup bottles on the floor, some of them empty, the rest were getting to that stage. 

"I should of known the lazy skeleton took the easy way out. Guess you couldn’t _mustard_ up the energy for more huh?" You took a seat that was coincidentally placed the other side of the counter almost replicating a bar stool, raising a brow at Sans. His eyes widened and his smile became more genuine looking with the pun. 

"exactly kiddo. besides I take that as a _condiment_ , i _relish_ this opportunity." It was hard to come back from such a good pun game like that. You giggled and nodded your head, accepting defeat.

"I had no idea you were such a hotdog fanatic see." 

"i love a good 'dog. i had no idea you were such a rebel either, breakin' out the apartment on a little adventure." And there it was. For some reason you had the thought that he wouldn’t of even noticed that you were supposed to be snuggled up on the couch or something but you forgot the fact that Sans was as perceptive as they come. His voice was jokey but he furrowed his brow in worry, not that you were having any problems that you couldn’t take care of, as proven 3 minutes ago. You cleared your throat as Sans was standing patiently waiting for you to talk. 

"I wouldn't go as far as saying 'breaking out'. I wasn’t exactly trapped. True it isn’t my apartment but I mean I'm totally fine! Look!" Sans looked you over curiously, he seemed to linger his eyes on the side of your face where you'd been struck and you hoped to God that it hadn't left a bruise or any evidence. 

"suppose your right. i just dont want ya to make yourself ill again." Sans smiled tightly before handing over a hot dog to a waiting customer, taking their money and putting it into a jar. Seemed ready to overflow. 

"Sans please, I'm fine. Everyone's been all over me these last few days so I wanted to do something for myself, to just get out of that building." You took a deep breath and Sans nodded, giving the impression that he knew that feeling well. He handed you a Pepsi bottle from the mini fridge which you accepted gratefully. "Thanks, I think I got a dollar here or something..." 

Sans nodded his head and then gave you the hotdog that you'd been waiting on. He had drawn his face on the frankfurter with the squirty ketchup bottle and you chuckled. Considering it was just ketchup it was actually pretty accurate and artsy. 

"nah its cool its only a 'dog and a drink. on the house. so where you been wondering off to?" His face shifted again to your cheek quickly, but then back to a curious gaze when you caught him looking. Damnit now he was questioning what you were doing but the whole plan on making cookies for the skeleton brothers was supposed to be a surprise! Time to put you're amazing lying skills to the test. 

"After being holed in for 6 days I thought it'd be nice to take a walk around the park. Simple little walk and get some fresh air in these lungs." That wasn't exactly a lie, you'd left some key points out is all. You smiled and breathed deeply for dramatic effect, Sans smirking in response. He crossed his arms over the counter and looked at you with his smile increasing slowly. 

"that so? did the trees give you a free bag of groceries as a thank you?" He tilted his head and nodded to the full-to-the-brim Walmart bag that you'd rested on the empty chair next to you. You opened your mouth and gasped with exaggeration as you pointed to the bag comically, pretending as if you had never seen it in your entire life.  

"...someoneslefttheirstuffhere shit we should go find them! Or like, keep the stuff." You cautiously dipped into the bag and pulled out a perfectly placed ketchup bottle, holding it out in front of you and reading the label as if it were the finest bottle of champagne. "Maybe it was your doppelganger." You suggested, which had Sans snickering. He came out from the side of his stall, shutting the door behind him and swapped places with the bag, putting it on his lap. You passed him the ketchup which as you had insinuated he pulled off the tab and started gulping it down, making you shudder. It was interesting to see his neck bones shifting up and down when swallowing much like a human adams apple. 

"i dont know about you but i dont see many ketchup drinking skeletons around here that often." 

You laughed loudly at his comment which made Sans soon join in, finally putting the sauce bottle back in the bag and shifting through it as you both conversed. 

"Well when you put it like that you do have a fair point." Sans nodded and snickered when he saw the spaghetti in the bag. "But seriously, I didn’t even think these sort of stalls were even legal in the park, I bet getting a permit was a pain in the ass." You took a bite out of your hotdog which you had actually forgot about after talking with Sans, but damn if it wasn’t one of the best ones you'd ever eaten! Sans noticed you enjoying his food, looking rather satisfied and proud with himself.

"hmm I wouldnt know because i dont exactly have a permit." He winked at you and laughed quietly as you started to understand. 

"Illegal hotdog stands...boy you're practically a gangster now Sans, the mafia will be coming to take you out soon for taking all the competition away from their burger joints." You rolled your eyes, Sans resting his head on his hand that was propped up on the counter, smiling lazily as usual. 

"so far i havent got into any trouble from it and its been 3 years. i doubt thats gonna change any time soon. plus youd be surprised how much humans love hotdogs. i make a killing." Sans says, his eyes unconsciously drifting to the jar which was now full and had wads of bills sticking out the top.  

"I've noticed." It was hard to hide the fact that you were impressed. "Besides you could always teleport you and your precious little wieners away if the cops came knocking." Sans reached to the side and placed a single bun inside his jacket, closing it like he was a merchant on the black market. He looked up at you suspiciously. 

"that reminds me, i noticed you werent too shocked when I teleported you for the first time." Sans noted, taking a sip from your drink but keeping his eyes fixed to you. He was a man of intense stares, even though you knew he wasn’t necessarily trying to look intimidating towards you. In all honesty his magic which had now been confirmed for sure as teleportation of course had thrown you off and shocked you but freaking out would of made it worse. If puking all over the sidewalk wasn’t proof you didn’t know what was. It's just that it all happened so quickly, which you figured was the idea. As soon as he dropped you off you had to go straight in to the café, no time for questions. But now... 

"Can you blame me? When you said you knew a short cut I didn’t think that was what you meant." Sans snickered, his constant admiration for jokes shining through now. 

"if i told you i was teleportin' ya, you would of told me i was drunk." 

"Maybe, but you would of gone through with it anyway." Sans recoiled and held his hand to his sternum, pretending to be offended. 

"excuse me i always ask a lady for permission." He stated outright. 

"Asked any ladies I know?" You taunted, which for some reason had him blushing brightly. 

"m-maybe i have!" Sans stuttered, his voice then turning back to confident, yet far more sultry. "not always regarding teleportation though." He winked at you, this time more seductively and making you blush equally. He laughed at your response and you both sat there in silence for several moments, contently gazing outwards as somewhere in the conversation you'd both swivelled your chairs towards the park and not at the dark insides of the stall. 

"Oh I'm sure women are extremely into those slippe-" You looked down but you were stopped in your tracks as to counter your point he was actually wearing converse, laces tied and everything! He looked down at his feet and smirked, placing one on the bottom of your chair and spinning it slightly left and right. 

"gotta keep up appearances, keep it classy. but anyway, teleportation?" He looked at you and clasped his hands together slowly in front of his face, eyeing you with a gentle smile. You quickly nodded and sat up straight eager to learn more. 

"Indeed I want to know more. So can all monsters do that then? Because it's obviously magic." Sans snorted. 

"yep, bingo, its magic. but nah I think im the only one who can actually. monsters usually have their own specific skills in magic if you will and i guess this is mine along with a few other trademark stuff." 

"That's kinda cool but how do you know that you’re the only one?" 

"nah trust me, theres no one else. the way i initiate this kind of magic, it is but also _isnt_ teleportation. theres no way anyone else could do or know how to." Sans said in a very enigmatic way.  

"So you were like the founder or the inventor of it then." You figured, discarding the wrapper of your hotdog into the trash can behind you, much more interested in socializing then food for once. 

"close. my dad actually found a way to harness the power of it so i learnt it from him. sorta like his protégé." He never spoke of other family members but you didn’t want to pry, instead focused on the essence of his magic. You wondered why Papyrus couldn't do it, considering he was Sans' brother.

"I remember when you teleported me we were...somewhere else. You mentioned something but I can't place my finger on it." You tapped your finger on the wood, the nail making a definitive clicking noise. 

"mmm, thats called the void." 

"That’s the one! What exactly is the void then? It didn’t even feel like it even existed when I was there, or that _I_ existed for that matter." Sans smiled, intrigued that you genuinely interested in his magic.  

"the void is another dimension entirely. forget what you learnt in 8th grade science because humans cant comprehend the fact that this place ceases to subsist. it is technically nothing, yet at the sametime is the borderline between different dimensions, the void is between each one in regards to physics perse." You could tell Sans was dumbing this down immensely for you but you weren't having problems following just yet. 

"Wow." Was all you could muster. 

"it hasn’t got interesting yet astrid." He winked at you before snapping himself back into a smart and knowledgeable frame of mind. "so anyway. my father was completely obsessed with the idea of the void, the idea that he could shift and alter the dimensions of it so that he could pass through to somewhere else entirely. at first when he found out about it, it was impassable, but with magic he persisted and broke down its barrier. hah, he was such a clever bastard like that." 

"Right okay I'm keeping up so far, but how does this lead to teleporting? Isn't the theory on teleporting that every single cell in your body must be cloned and then sent to coordinates somewhere else? If you have to pass through the void in order to end up at another location then nothing needs to get cloned." Sans face had dropped significantly to one of surprise and maybe just maybe admiration. Needless to say you’d done some research of your own. Sans smile widened as he arched his brow. 

"huh. know more then ya let on dont cha duchess?" He let a bony finger drag slowly across his jaw bone and you shrugged, a tad satisfied with yourself. 

"I'm keeping my cards to my chest let's say." You said nonchalantly, Sans shifting in his seat as he pondered what else you were interested or good at. 

"me and you both. to answer your question, my teleportation in simple terms is more like...opening doors to get me where i need to go." He gestured with his hands to make it more understandable. "I can find anomalies and distortions in the void where I can then open more doors." 

"I think I get it now...so when you say you know a shortcut?" 

"yeah it literally is a shortcut." He snickered at your awe filled expression. 

"If you can do it so easily why don’t you do it like all the time? If it's faster." His face looked puzzled, as if trying to find a way to explain. 

"why don’t you run all the time? its the same sort of principle really, yeah its faster but also way more tiring. if I open too many of these 'doors' without resting or gaining more magic, then ill uh, die. poof. dust." He smiled at this with a grin as If it was nothing, enjoying your expression shifting to one of worry considering the physics of it. In a way it defies all known laws of physics, but you're sure he knows how to handle his own magic by now. 

"Aw man, and there's me about to ask if you could drop me off in Dubai." Sans rolled his eyes and leaned his head back to get a better view of the sky.

"sorry pal, 's not happening. im no ones personal taxi."

"I bet you would be if I paid you in ketchup..." You let the sentence linger as a request and pouted at him. Sans looked like he was actually considering it, fighting against some inner turmoil in his head and not being able to resist temptation.

"...im game. i could teleport you to work some days if ya want, with you not having a car."

"Oh my god you mean it?! Yay I'm like the first human to teleport...!" There was no point even trying to conceal how amazing this was. How did you not react like this the first time?! Jeez Astrid.

"heh not quite. second, after frisk." Sans pointed out, you nodding slowly as you remember Frisk actually being underground with all the other monsters, Sans being a close friend you gathered.

"Second is good enough for me! Man It's all so...cool! You’re the only one who can do that in the world and it makes you all unique and shit!" You giggled to yourself, Sans having the faintest blush at your compliment. He smiled at you're bashful excitement, he wasn't used to feeling so special and under the spotlight and it threw him slightly.

"thanks a bunch duchess, humans are pretty unique too by the way." You let a smile of your own grace your face and rested your elbows behind you, mimicking Sans as you watched the clouds slowly pass over in long strips. 

"You think so? If you ask me we're all boring. Trust me, I've spent my whole life with them." You said drowsily, earning some lively laughs from Sans. He didn’t move the position of his head and neither did you, but in the corner of your eyes you could see his pinpricks of light flicker to your face. 

"course. never seen a human girl knee a guy in the balls twice their size before. was absolutely hilaaaarious. youve got some strength there, doll." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans is always lurking.
> 
> He knows all.  
> Sees all.
> 
> I wasn't sure if this chapter was any good or...? Golly I'm so indecisive it hurts.


	10. Ketchup just wont do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why hellooo kiddos. Or adultos??
> 
> This one is basically a continuation from the last chapter, because where I left it I thought it made sense to just keep rolling with it :D
> 
> Also thank you so much for 100 kudos and over 1000 hits!!! I'm so grateful I cant even express how happy I was when it reached that number.

Sans was still sitting on his stool with an arm slumped on the side of the counter, pretending to watch the shifting clouds when in reality he was looking at you from the corner of his eye, drinking in your reaction. He looked like he was enjoying the revelation that showed in your priceless expression, dropping your jaw in a nice blend of shock, embarrassment and possibly pride that you'd shut the guy down so easily. It clicked in your brain that Sans must have been a witness to the heated display, watching quite attentively but from a suitable distance you figured because seeing him working away with his little wieners (mental note to _never_ put those words together in that order ever again) had taken you by surprise.   

"Hang on, hang on, let's take the metaphorical remote and rewind a bit...so you saw all of what happened just now?" You said slowly with equal parts suspicion, Sans turning his head under your narrowing eyes.   

"hmmm let me think. maybe. nah. dont think i did, kid. not too sure you know, ya might have to jog my memory a bit." Sans responded with an increasing grin, resulting in a rather breathy sigh from you and some complimentary snickers on his part. When you thought about it for a second, it wouldn’t of been that surprising in the slightest that Sans would have been sitting on the sidelines. He was from what you'd observed so far very laid back and in all fairness the two of you weren't what you'd call thick as thieves, so there wasn’t much reason for him to come over and defend you anyway.  

"Fine but only for the sake that if you decide to bully me about this in the future, I'd at least want you to tell the story right." You pointed out, knowing that the once perfect plan of lying your ass off out of this situation is now well and truly dead. May your ideas rest in piece. No time for the funeral, however.  

"thats what I like to hear. so...continue? because i seriously think i did miss a lot of it. this kid kept pumping the ketchup all over the floor and i was this close to dunking." Sans gestured with his hands, the tiny space that separated his fingers so small that you had to squint to realize there was even a gap there. You couldn’t help but laugh just imagining the scene, Sans shaking his head with troubled eyes.  

"Dunking kids is not acceptable in modern days society."   

"youre tellin' me." He winked and you pulled a face that resembled avid confusion. If eyes could scream, your pretty certain yours would be. "kidding, kidding!" Sans was quick to assure you with a nervous laugh, making you relax a little knowing he had not been slamming kids as if they were mere basketballs in a game.

"Anyway, before I was _oh_ so rudely interrupted," You rolled your eyes playfully at the skeleton who chuckled deeply from the center of his ribcage. "when I was walking through the park the first time round, this absolute wank stain of a human being walked right into me almost purposely you could say. I have to admit I wasn't completely looking where I was going...but christ on a bike did it hurt." As you retold the event to Sans he gently hummed to let you know he was listening, nodding his head every sentence or two. 

"humans am i right?" Sans said nonchalantly before turning to you rigidly. "no offence." He added, not that you were too fussed about the roasting of your own race.   
They get many savage remarks made by you in the comfort of your mind with or without anyone else's influence.

"None taken. So I'm walking along as usual after that trying not to let it bother me, rubbing my shoulder and what not. I'm pretty sure it's gonna bruise too, yay." Sans did the skeleton equivalent of a pout. You thought about explaining the concept of bruises because of him being made of bones and no skin, but you let it slide as you saw his reaction which showed some brief understanding. Maybe he had other human friends besides you and Frisk, not that they are covered in marks or anything, maybe some monsters bruised too? Very possible. Also not important. 

"But sooner or later I'm out of the park, stopping by Walmart to get some...secret things." Sans raised his brow bone at you, wiggling it up and down. 

"secret things huh? come on kid, at least i had the decency to just say "things". throw me a bone here." His smile extended at the mention of all things concerning puns and bones and you attempted to suppress the corners of your mouth from turning upwards but to no avail. 

"Nope. Sorry boneboy but a surprise is a surprise." You made a gesture of zipping your lips and throwing away the oxygen-based key in the bin, with Sans looking    
defeated at knowing you weren't going to spill as he reached behind him to grab a bottle of ketchup without even looking, as if remembering its place from memory or repetition of the movement.

"i have to say im not a huge fan of surprises." Sans noted with a brief swig, earning a subtlety disgusted face from you. Sure it didn't make you gag any longer but the idea of swallowing so much of a condiment wasn't too pleasant in your book. 

"Me neither actually, but uh don't get your hopes up or anything it's only a small one. Thought Pap's would enjoy it." You rustled the bag and the items in it clanked slightly against each other. Sans looked from you to the bag and smiled fondly. He seemed to be concentrating on something, staring at your chest like he was looking right through your body, forgetting you were seated in front of him. The act had left you feeling slightly uncomfortable and on reaction you lifted your arms up to your chest and folded them lightly, scratching a non existent itch at the top of your shoulder. On doing so you managed to shake him out of whatever haze he was momentarily stuck in but you decided not to ask, thinking it wasn't worth bringing up as it would only change the subject.

"thanks for thinkin' of him. im sure hes gonna love it whatever it is." Sans said fondly. 

"Let just say he's going to be the proud owner of a "1001 Perfect puns" book." You joked, earning a snicker from Sans whos face then brightened in great realization which you knew from previous experiences you'd regret soon. 

"oh man are you telling me those are a thing? god i cant wait for the next time i see a bookstore." He held his hands underneath his chin, wearing the most dreamy expression you'd ever seen on a man or a skeleton for that matter. This was when you regretted your entire existence, knowing and waiting for the day Sans brings back book after book on knock knock jokes and stupid novelty prank gifts that have a 50% chance of being broken before you even take them out the box. It's surprising that he's never thought of this idea before. 

"I have only my _shelf_ to blame for this." You quipped and Sans almost choked on his ketchup for the loud laughs that escaped him. But these were different sort of laughs then you'd heard before from him, more loud and genuine then his usual deep and muffled snickers. It's not that he wasn't one to laugh, quite the opposite, but his laugh this time round was as if he was holding nothing back at all and you enjoyed the sound, especially the fact that he was becoming more comfortable around you to share this side with you. It made you want to double over in stitches too. 

"thats priceless duchess, im definitely adding that one to the list." He wiped the tear that had formed in the corner of his eye before giving you a firm wink. "so youve got your secret stash of goodies, then what got your bones rattled?" You rolled your eyes which was now becoming a natural response to any of the skeletons remarks and jokes even though you secretly loved them, but he didn't need more excuses to use tell them more frequently, you'd rather Papyrus not have a mental break down.

"Ah! Yeah sorry, bit off topic. Same thing really, I walked back through the park fields again and I saw the same guy. He must of recognized me instantly or something because of my accidental or maybe very, very purposeful staring so he and his uh, friend? came over to start a scene." 

"and you told them to fuck right off." Sans said as more of a statement then a question, so you had the feeling he knew what happened after this part. 

"It was more me telling them to...fuck themselves? Or each other. Can't recall." 

"i bet they loved that." A chuckled escaped from the both of you. 

"That was one of the nicest things that went down before i was, you know, struck across the face and all." You gingerly ran the back of your hand over your cheek which despite not hurting too badly felt puffy to a certain degree, you'd have to whip out some stuff from the medicine cabinet when you got back. While doing this you failed to recognize that Sans was tapping his feet quickly up and down, his one fist stuffed into the hoodie of his pocket but on noticing the outline you could see they were clearly clenched tightly, straining against the fabric. 

"sorry bud youll have to run that by me again because i swear you didnt say that he hit you just now." You looked over and scanned over his face quickly, the telltale sign of his anger being hidden in his forced smiled that had dropped considerably. He was trying to hold back as best as he could, keeping calm for you and maybe himself. The tone of his voice was strained, the whites in his eyes only visible if you really searched for them.

Despite his earlier confidence, Sans obviously had not seen the whole thing based off how he had acted and you were trying to figure out if that was either good or bad. Would he of rushed to your aid if he knew the man was resorting to violence? A better question being would Sans be the one who fought back against him, then again you had no idea how strong Sans actually is, catching glimpses of him every now and then his bones appeared to look rather fragile and delicate, but it was hard to tell because they were unlike the human skeletal structure considering they were made of magic and god knows what. In the back of your mind you thought of how powerful Papyrus can be simply by accident, his bones being moderately thinner and longer than Sans' yet still showing great potential. 

"Turns out if you chat shit you get hit." You mumbled under your breath knowing that Sans would be able to hear you regardless. "I agitated him, so that’s my lesson of the day learnt. He was 100% a dick." Deep within you knew that if you didn’t keep prying into things less drama would happen and therefore there would be less consequences, yet the universe was determined to be a bitch even on what you thought was a supposedly good day. 

"do you believe that?" Sans asked, his expression had softened knowing that the man had only temporarily hurt you but he was still insistent on knowing what truly went down. For a second you met his eyes which were locked on yours, did skeletons even blink? Winking was one thing but his staring game was on point. 

"Well, to tell you the truth I think it's pretty hard to be _100%_ a dick-" Sans interrupted you with a sudden, startling laugh and shook his head at you. 

"i meant do you believe that you deserved that from someone like _him_. because you dont." Tilting your head up again, his pinpricks were slightly bigger than before now that he had simmered down, though his hand was ever so slightly trembling. His voice was smoother now, almost velvety. 

"Noted the prick shouldn’t of made my shoulder want to fall off, but then again I pissed him off purposely. For all I know he was having a good day or somethi-" Your words were abruptly stopped when Sans leaned forward, dangerously close to falling off the chair you thought. The mild shaking in his hand had now stopped and it reached towards your face timidly at a leisurely pace so that if you wanted him to stop you'd have plenty of time to intercept his skeletal digits. He seemed almost shocked that you just let him continue and do his thing, his right eye shifting in colour to the bright blue you had seen before when he had used his teleportation magic. Snapping out of your thoughts your eyes met the hand that was a mere inch away from your face. Almost as if formed out of nowhere you could see a vague and indistinct blue aura appearing around the tips of his fingers, lingering in the air as his eyes flicked between you and the blue haze, silently asking for permission. 

After a firm nod and an encouraging smile from you, Sans carefully placed his fingers against the soft skin of your face. The buzz of energy was similar to when Papyrus took your hand the first time you had met him on the train carriage, but this time it was a more concentrated surge of magic and you naturally recoiled at the alien like feeling. Sensing your uneasiness Sans pulled away and tried to hide the disappointment in his face but you were faster and grabbed his sleeve. 

"S-sorry I didn’t mean to pull away, the sensation was more intense then I thought it would be." You gave him a patient smile which he soon returned, seeming to acknowledge your earlier apprehension to a bright blue hand stabbing into your cheek. 

"ya dont gotta apologize, i understand that this is all new to you." Sans responded while raising his hand back up near your face after being reassured. The blue magic orbiting his fingers wasn’t as fluorescent this time around so you figured that meant there was less magical energy present. You guessed at least. This whole magic thing still confused the heckers out of you, although you'd took it upon yourself to assume that whatever couldn’t be explained in simple logistic terms is most likely tied down to magic.  

As soon as you shot him a thumbs up for the go ahead, Sans smoothed his phalanges that were flowing with magic over the curve of your cheek, him nearly wincing when he pressed against part of the bone by the corner of your eye. His magic hummed and unlike the usual electric static that usually stays in the air after summoning it, this kind was softer and less dangerous even though you knew that was never the intent of his usual magic. It left you in a pleasant and equally revitalized state. 

"this feel alright?" Sans asked, looking for any signs of discomfort or doubt in your features. Of course he found none because you could physically feel the skin that had been hurt before hand healing at a rapid rate under his touch, the external heat from his hands creating a nice sense of warmth. 

"Just perfect thanks. Is it working?" You were curious to see what Sans said from his point of view considering he was doing the fixing-up of your face. He seemed entirely focused on the task at hand, only becoming aware of your question 10 seconds after with a delayed reaction. Sans withdrawled his fingers to observe his handy work, squinting somewhat before returning to your mouth. 

"yep, you seem to be reacting to the healing process well. its pretty _swell."_ He grinned at you lazily, the pinpricks of his eyes moving so he could watch your reaction. You sighed playfully and furrowed your brow in question. 

"Shouldn’t it be the opposite of swell?" You pondered.

"welp ya got me there duchess." Sans shrugged at you and winked behind the hand that now was attending to the side of your lip. "when you sat down I thought there was something up with your face but when you confirmed it, the least I could do was help a buddy out. i managed to stop the process of bruising if thats any consolation, and eased some of the pain on your cheek." Not wanting to move your head too much, you tightly nodded. Your skin was fairly pale so bruises would be quite persistent and obvious. 

"That’s a relief, it'd be annoying to keep having to explain to people." You chuckled quietly to yourself, Sans smiling at your restraint and ability to sit still while he soothed the sharp injuries. 

He got back to using his magic once again, the tip of his index finger grazing a sensitive part of your lip from the slap that until now you didn’t even know was affected. Unable to conceal the surge of pain you let out a yelp, earning an apologetic look from Sans. 

"sorry. nearly done, youre doin' great kiddo." You sighed at the nickname which had him in sets of snickers despite the glares you sent his way. As Sans was finishing up, a single finger tentatively prodded at your bottom lip without magic in it wake. You tried not to shudder as the contact made it throb and sting to a certain extent. 

"My cheek feels like brand new! Man having magic on hand like that is the luckiest thing." You pouted as you realized you could never achieve your mini dream of becoming a demi-god, saying goodbye to that whimsical idea. Sans patted you on the shoulder as a friendly gesture. 

"glad i could be of assistance." The skeletons grin extended into a smirk as he bowed. "your lips gonna take a bit more time, i can only do so much 'm afraid." 

"It's okay boneboy you helped a great deal. A split lip is no big deal, lipstick does wonders."  

"heh, good. i cant believe that guy had the nerve to do that." This time Sans was pouting instead of you and you placed a hand on his shoulder before looking him in the eye. 

"Some people are assholes, it is what it is you know? Humans can be dicks to each other just as much as they can to the monster race too, and anything or anyone for that matter." Sans nodded solemnly, his face returning to his standard smile after barely a second had passed and you had to admit it was impressively concerning how quick he was to change his expression. You couldn’t help but wonder what he's possibly been through to learn such a skill, but your conscious butted in to tell you to stop being such a nosy fuck. 

"mhm I get that. really does suck. some humans ive met are so malicious id be nervous as fuck if they had magic and what theyd do with such power." 

"I suppose we're lucky that 98% of humans are pussies then aren't we?" Sans laughed and grabbed your bag as the two of you started to walk after the little chat and healing session. 

"then id say youre firmly in the 2%, but I wouldnt start initiating more fights. _t_ _ibia_ honest I dont want to turn into your taxi _and_ nurse." He jokingly warned, bumping into you slightly with his elbow and you rolled your eyes. 

"Wasn’t planning on it skelly. But aha! That for sure means you can now be my constant transportation." You slowed to a halt and placed your hands on your hips triumphantly, Sans stopping with a smile tugging on his lips (?) to see you imitating Papyrus, his number 1 fan. 

"we did agree on this already duchess but sure why not, now its all official. wooooo." He made jazz hands which you swatted away as soon as they rose up, unable to not giggle at his antics. "but hey lets make it more fun." His face turned mischievous, as if he was hatching some mastermind plan. 

"Oh? Hit me with your idea so I can regret bringing this up." You folded your arms and balanced most of your weight on one knee which created a by chance sassy pose. He delved into his pockets which by how far his hand had reached in, you’d of swore they could go on forever. In his hands was a cellphone which he shook left and right quickly to signify its appearance. 

"well first you need to give me your number, so if im not close by ya can drop me a text and ill swing by with _sansational_ speed." For the millionth time he winked at you, and if he didn’t do it so much out of habit you’d of swore it was an act of flirting but everyone else knew it was just Sans being Sans, yourself included. Giving him your number was harmless anyway, all your new monster friends had it and that wasn’t causing any problems so far. A pang of guilt shot through you as you realized he was the only one out of everyone who didn’t have your number and you hoped it hadn't made him left out or isolated. 

"Done. Thought you were up for challenges, gotta say I'm disappointed." Sans chuckled at your impatience as you were quick to rush through his wishes. 

"i did say first doll, theres more on my agenda." Sans straightened up and pushed his hands back into his pockets again after throwing you his phone in one continuous action, you secretly thanking every god out there that you somehow caught it. Oh if your old gym teacher in highschool could see you know. Catching like a boss. Like. A. Boss. It was already open in the contacts section, so you hastily added in your number and set your name as "Bringer of Banter" before passing and _not_ throwing it back, Sans laughing at your choice of name before placing it in the pocket of his shorts.

"I'm all ears." You pushed a strand of loose hair behind your ear to stress the point. 

"nice. well everytime you want teleporting somewhere theres gonna be a fee. sure, ketchup is beautiful but im gonna get bored if i get it every time amirite? predictable too, no fun in that."  

You nodded, unsure of where this was going. He laughed at what you thought was the nervous expression that stretched across your face. 

"no need to look so scared kiddo, i was just gonna say that you have to get me somethin' different each teleport, possibly hang out with me if youre not busy when im working at the hotdog stand, I get _bonely_ _._ " Sans explained with the mischievous, playful tone back in his voice. It wasn’t a bad deal at all, he didn’t say what you had to get him. That could be practically anything and honestly it sounded fun and enticing, like you said earlier, a challenge albeit a small one. He held out his hand for a handshake you could only assume, and after a seconds worth of hesitation you grasped it. 

"Deal. I...erm." As soon as you started speaking, a long fizzing out sound omitted from the center of his palm?  

Was that. 

Was that a fucking whoopie cushion? 

"yikes. this weirdo keeps placing whoopie cushions up my sleeve. hope they catch him soon." Sans said slyly before turning on his step, motioning you to follow. 

This skeleton is going to drive you absolutely crazy. Yet, you don't seem to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAD to involve the whoopie cushion somewhere in this little old story, its a must. 
> 
> In my mind Sans is lowkey flirty, smooth, but I hope I'm not making it sound too flirty between them?? I don't want to rush the good old friendship stage.


	11. Explain this

"Listen punk, right now is the PERFECT time for it! You've been sitting around on your ass for ages...it'll do you some good!" Undyne's grabbing clothes off of racks left right and center like they could disappear at any given moment and hoisting them over her shoulder, refusing to use a shopping bag because she didn’t want to appear wimpy, in her words to be exact. She let out a gasp when she spotted some elasticated dark blue leggings and held them up to show you with a toothy and undoubtedly sharper than most grin. 

"See this is destiny!! Workout clothes RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!" The fish lady squealed, wiggling them in front of you before holding it to her waist and standing in front of a mirror to check herself out properly. You might as well refrain from buying sporty clothes because it'll only give Undyne an excuse to sign you on at her local gym like she desperately wanted.

"But Undyne I haven't exercised properly since, since...my birth." You started to protest but it sounded like you were fighting a losing battle, Undyne was having none of it and you knew that denying it would only end in her dragging you to the gym by force. It's not that you were against the active lifestyle but the idea of training with someone as intense and passionate as Undyne made you have more than a few doubts about whether it would help or hinder the condition you were in, breaking bones or halting your breathing all together. And for the record you liked breathing very much indeed. 

"That’s more of a reason to join me then isn’t it nerd?! I can transform that scrawny body into a muscle house in no time." You gulped at her aspiration, imagining scenarios of you dripping with sweat to such an extent people would think you'd been attacked with a hose pipe and shown no mercy. Besides, the woman before you was amazingly ripped and standing next to her would make it look as if you’d never even hit puberty. Unlike your average but never the less perky breasts, Undyne was on the busty side of the spectrum too.

"I don’t know about this Undyne what if- hey wait, you're seriously gonna get those pants?" You gestured to the blue pants she was showing off earlier as she tossed them with a shrug into the cart that Alphys had _finally_ brought over. She fixed her glasses and blinked a couple times to focus her eyes before giving her girlfriend and the pants a strained look, one that you were also sporting. 

"But they're blue! That just won't work. Out they go." Hands diving into the cart you plucked the skimpy pants out before sighing and turning to Alphys who looked like she wanted anything else but to be in the middle of a fashion related debate between her ever so fiery girlfriend and the ever so stubborn you. "Alphys work with me here, blue pants: blue skin. Her legs will resemble two giant crayola pencils and on top of that, it'll kinda make her look half naked from a distance." Alphys blushed lightly at your words when your voice accidentally dipped into a more suggestive tone, knowing it had awoken some memories that weren't to be said out loud, not that you needed to think very hard to know the specifics. 

"Who cares! Not like my sexy girlfriend hasn't seen the naked side of me from the waist down anyway. Or up for that matter." She quickly leaned over to place a tender but short kiss on Alphys cheeks who's face was so red you couldn’t even call it a blush anymore, it might as well be her skin colour from this day on. The evident embarrassment in her face was enough to make you chuckle at the scene. 

"A-Astrid's got a p-p-point Undyne, you do look g-good in everything but red suits you m-much better." She said shyly, averting her eyes and making Undyne blush lightly too when you'd caught the couple gazing at each other with devotion, caught up in all that love stuff. If it was anyone else you’d be grossed out by how affectionate they are to one another in public, but it was impossible to say they weren't, and you hated that this even crossed your mind but 'goals' when they were together. You could practically hear the inner white girl within you giggling in the back of your mind, talking about ugg boots or some shitty Starbucks nonsense. 

"Suppose your right babe." You coughed to draw attention to your smug face which Undyne cackled at. "Guess you helped too you big nerd." Undyne admitted with an eye roll as she reached for a more appropriate looking dark red pair instead, Alphys smiling at her advice being taken. 

"Trust me it'll look so much better and oh hey, coordinates with your hair." You added, Undyne nodding in agreement. Alphys wasn't too into clothes you noticed, but came with you anyway so she could look at the anime section on the way out and join in on the girly session. Despite Undyne's rebellious and boisterous personality you've found out that underneath that layer she can be quite girly when she wants to be, having an interest in fashion, makeup and be able to pull both off while fighting like a true warrior. You still can't believe she wrestled the postman that one time, but that’s the price you pay for not delivering on time at Undyne's house and it did get a couple 1000 hits on youtube so there's always a silver lining to every story.

The three of you soon walked into the lingerie section and wondered how the fuck that worked for monsters like Alphys who had such a thick starting tail, or even a tail to begin with. If you made her blush anymore today she would for sure pass out so it wasn't the best time to ask your petty, probably voiced before questions. Scanning the flimsy pieces of material before you, you saw some MTT branded ones and were suddenly curious. The robot seemed to be involved in every type or business there was out there so it didn’t create much of a shock, flicking the price tag over and instantly dropping it after seeing way too many digits for such a small piece that left little to the imagination. Alphys looked a bit conflicted on what to get as her eyes widened at the vast range on display, where as Undyne might as well be stockpiling but that was no different to every other section you'd been in so far. The cart was half full and it had only been 10 minutes. Now you were standing shoulder to shoulder with Alphys who was holding a claw to her chin as if contemplating whether or not she should indulge too, safe to say that she wasn’t used to buying this sort of stuff. 

"Maybe you should get this one. The lace patterns on the sides aren't too racy." You began, pointing at some frilly, laced panties that weren't too flashy for someone as shy as Alphys and they covered a fair amount of skin. For a short while Alphys looked deep in thought while looking at the tag, humming when she saw it was machine washable before you leaned into her arm slowly and whispered in the flattest tone you could possibly produce "Unless you want them to be..." 

Alphys snapped back to reality as she registered the underlying meaning of your words, trying to counteract your sudden cheekiness but instead stuttering and holding back a nose bleed with all the strength she had. Undyne was winking at you behind her girlfriend, doing secret gestures of swatting Alphys on the ass to you, stopping and scratching her head as soon as she started receiving glares back. 

"I-I don’t usually g-get underwear l-like th-this can you help out?" Alphys inquired almost hesitantly. Straight away the thought of not having a single clue about what size she wears came to mind, but you got the feeling she was asking for help regarding finding more sexy underwear and not actual measurements.  

"Sure Alph! Got any ideas?" You coaxed the lizard monster who nodded quickly, taking a step back and glancing up at the shelves nervously. 

"It's m-more of a nice s-surprise for U-Undyne later on..." Out of shock from not expecting her to say something so daring and honest you found yourself blushing, mirroring Alphys cheeks, soon after you flashed a naughty smile. You span your body to search for Undyne, not wanting her to get involved just yet (that can wait for behind closed doors). I didn't take you too long to locate the shouting monster who seemed to be in the middle of a very intense gaming match on one of the store TVs against a little kid who looked no older than 10, holding the controller in a death grip which honestly made you worry for the poor controllers safety.  

"Well I didn’t peg you as such a saucy character Alphys!" By this point the poor monster to your left was holding a hand up to her face as a form of blocking out the blush, not that it did a great job. "But anyway, high waisted ones would suit you I think. Nice and snug but not too grandma you know?" Alphys gave a curt nod and picked up two pairs from in front of you. One pair was light pink that reminded you of clouds, along with having white lace rims. The other pair were slightly more daring than you had imagined; a blue and more revealing piece with two small cut out hearts by the hips. You were kind of jealous at how quickly she had found them and swore to come back and get the same ones. 

"These are k-kinda cute. What do you think?" 

"If Undyne doesn’t jump you as soon as she sees you in them then _I_ will." You challenged, making Alphys chuckle and playfully push your shoulder as she walked over to get the cart. 

"T-then I think ill take these." Alphys finished, clearing her throat. "we should c-catch up to U-Undyne before she find the cans of t-tuna again and gets upset." You laughed at this, thinking of how weird it must be to see something like that when she's technically a fish, albeit not the traditional kind. 

It turned out that the cart had to be pushed by both of you in order to get it moving as it was reaching its full capacity and was not far off the weight of a small car. The two of you didn’t have to go far to find Undyne who was in the health aisle, picking up small boxes and eying them warily. As you and Alphys got closer, the fish monster gave the two of you a curious look before shifting back to the box again. 

"Earth to Undyne!" You waved a hand in front of her face and she jokily went to bite it. At least you hoped it was a joke. "What you got there?" Whenever you went to take a peek at it, she'd tilt it from reading the transcript that covered the sides so it didn’t give you eyes a chance to get into focus. 

"I...wish I knew. Human stuff is fuckin' complicated. What does it even mean by 'ribbed for extra comfort'?" 

And that was the moment Undyne had picked up a pack of condoms for the first time ever in her monster life. Alphys had now become interested in the mysterious human package (fuck that accidental pun right in the ass, with a hypothetical condom of course) and was on her tip toes, or tip claws, trying to see what all the fuss was about. 

"I-it looks like you get 12...?" Alphys pointed out, tapping at the box. 

"Extra large dots huh..." Undyne was for once using a quiet voice which you were thankful for, no one needed two monsters and a human shouting about all things lube. 

"You do know that what your holding there is a pack of condoms right?" You deadpanned to the pair, unable to hold back your snickers any longer as you basked in their innocence. Thank heavens your going through this with Alphys and Undyne and not someone like Papyrus. That would not be fun in the slightest with all his...questioning. They both looked up at you with a clueless expression, blinking several times before shrugging at the same time. 

"Come on punk! Share the info." Undyne dropped her confused look to nudge you with a pointy elbow. Hoo boy this was going to be interesting. 

 **-  -  -**  

The overall explanation took a painfully long 3 minutes along with careful questions from them, and by the end of it Alphys and Undyne looked absolutely horrified. Maybe you took it too far by going on your phone and showing them pictures of what can happen when you don’t use protection but they did specifically ask for it. You could of swore Undyne looked two shades of blue lighter and Alphys well, the light was on in her mind by nobody was home. 

"Are you telling me a flimsy piece of plastic-" 

"Latex." You corrected, and Undyne grimaced. 

"Latex...Makes the difference between you being able to have or NOT have mini humans?" Even after your detailed and frankly lewd explanation, they both looked stumped. It made you think about how monsters themselves reproduce, as the idea of this kind of contraception or any for that matter seemed very alien to them. You let out a nervous laugh while Undyne dropped the box back into its place, pushing it away and wiping her hand roughly against her jacket like touching it was a sin.  

"When you put it that way...yeah? There's other ways too like you can take a certain pill that increases and decreases hormones which makes you less likely to conceive or there's different contraceptive devices that get implanted into your va-" 

"AHAHA ISN'T THAT LOVELY I THINK WE GET IT NOW THANKS ASTRID THANKS UNDYNE!" Alphys blurted out frantically as she waved her arms around to make it clear she wanted the conversation dropped, which you would gladly comply with. Undyne had the most nauseated expression you'd ever seen, taking a long swig out of her water bottle to cool down and Alphys wasn’t too far behind for second place.  

"Sorry guys I guess it's gross and stuff when you hear it for the first time." Your voice faltered as you remembered all those years back of having sex education at school, the poor cucumbers being used as an alternative to a dildo to practice putting condoms on and the 1 and a half hour long PowerPoint presentation on STDs, pictures and videos included. 

Ah, youth. 

"Y-you're telling me..." Alphys murmured, her girlfriend consoling her with a brief rub on the shoulder before heading towards the checkout, Undyne finally taking over pushing the heavy cart with ease along with the added weight from you stepping on the sides like a big kid. So mature. 

 **-  -  -**  

It hurt you to admit it mentally, but Undyne's car was even more cooler and sexier than Papyrus's, not that you would ever tell that to the poor cinnamon roll. She owned a relatively new range rover sport and it seemed to be customized to the max, you had to remind yourself that this wasn’t GTA and you were in fact not dreaming. The back windows were tinted heavily, there was two thick identical exhausts at the back of the car and you'd noticed earlier that the headboard was also gold lined with a splash of mahogany to tone it down a bit. Needless to say, it wasn't hard to put two and two together to; your new friends had _serious_ money. 

"The glass is bulletproof too." Undyne said smugly, tapping the back window for effect. You knocked on it too with much less force, recoiling slightly at how rigid they were under your touch. 

"Yeah? They come in handy so far?" You asked, genuinely thinking about whether they were just for show or if Undyne had ran into (or you could say ran into the fire of) some trouble during the past couple years on the surface. Undyne face contorted into a mix of both anger and concern, and finally satisfaction.

"You could say some knuckleheads thought it was a good idea to take a shot at us on a couple of occasions. But hey! NO ONE fucks with me and my friends, else they regret it." She made the point by clenching her hands into tight fists. You tried your very hardest not to gulp at the cracking sounds and the glint in her eye, almost as if it was a subtle warning. 

"Christ I hope for the love of all things good they missed." You seethed, Undyne freezing in place just as she was about to unlock the car with the keys. A smirk became apparent on her face as she yanked the neckline of her shirt to the side to reveal a dark blue scar no bigger than a 50 cent coin, leaning her head back a bit to expose it more. 

"Mostly yeah they did, idiots couldn’t even shoot someone as big as Asgore never mind a moving target fuhuhuhu! But one day I wasn’t paying attention I guess. The jokes on them anyway punk, I got a BADASS SCAR in the process!" Undyne shouted, fist pumping the air as Alphys chuckled to herself. 

After Undyne suplexed all the shopping bags into the boot with little help from you and Alphys, not that it was exactly needed with those hulky arms of hers, you walked round to pull at the car door, shuffling inside and keeping it in mind to not step on the uh, nunchucks? This was Undyne's car after all so you weren't exactly sure why you were surprised by miscellaneous weapons. Not a second after Alphys scrambled into the front seat she pulled out her phone to connect to the cars hifi system, without a doubt scrolling through the endless list of anime openings and endings to play. Not that you were complaining one bit, and neither was Undyne, the weeaboo had impeccable taste that’s for sure. 

The drive was over quickly due to the fact that as you predicted, Undyne was a very fast and almost dangerous driver. You thanked the two for the quick shop, the original plan was after shopping to go out to have drinks and food but Alphys got called in to work as her scientist partner had apparently made a breakthrough discovery, so you all decided that you’d try and go tomorrow as a trio, it being Friday giving you the perfect excuse to get a little tipsy. Oh Jack Daniels you will soon be mine. 

 **-  -  -**  

Papyrus being the sweetheart he was destined to be since the history of life on earth got you a key cut for the apartment so you didn’t have to keep knocking on the door or stealing Sans' spare one, even though he made it clear you could keep his because he mostly just teleports in and out at will. You said no anyway because it seemed unfair as they were the actual owners of the place and it would make you feel guilty, like you had taken over the place or asserted your dominance if you will. But here you are, worming your hands into the pockets of your jeans to get the singular key, topped off with a red heart casing for added wow. 

But as you reached the top of the stairs to open the door you came to the conclusion that you _definitely_ did not need a key this time.  

You swivelled your head around to see if there was anyone around or any witnesses, but the hallway was deserted, the lobby man wasn’t there when you were heading up earlier either. Looks like you had to deal with this on your own. With timid fingers you edged the door open more by the handle. The door lock was broken and so were the hinges, almost as if the perpetrator failed on picking the lock and grew impatient, barging their way in. Fantastic. 

Taking a step inside made your heart sink. The apartment was completely wrecked beyond words. The couch and chairs were flipped onto their sides with the insides coming out and the coffee table was now in two pieces with the glass shattered and covered over the carpet in tiny fragments. CDs and books littered the floor, some shredded and others burnt? Some plants that Papyrus had brought over special from Toriels garden were now laying on the floor, the petals and leaves crumpled harshly and the soil had started to seep into the once cream carpet. Every single cupboard door had been swung open in the kitchen, followed by all the plates, glasses, cups and whatever else was breakable left in pieces against the tiles.

Several paintings had been scribbled on with markers, along with almost every single picture frame smashed too. What made your breath hitch however, was a large picture of many monsters that was placed disorderly by the side of the wrecked couch. Everything about the picture was normal, apart from Sans and Papyrus specifically having two large X's over their faces in bright red paint. A tear made it's way down your face as you started to think about the implications of this, and the fact that neither of them were here made your chest constrict.

What did all this mean? And why the hell did they choose here over anywhere else? You worried for your new friends and the monsters on the pictures you had not had the opportunity to meet yet, whoever did this certainly wanted to make a statement or send a message. And they had done that well. 

Trying to hold back more tears and the fear in your heart you surveyed the apartment more. Sans room was completely untouched which at first confused you, but when you placed your hand on it a faint blue aura started to fabricate around your palm. Magic barrier. They stood no chance. Papyrus's room on the other hand did not have the same luck, but was left in a better state than the living room and kitchen. His action figures looked like someone had took a hammer to them, his computer was gone with only a couple scrambled wires remaining that were jutting out the wall. The bed sheets were completely ripped and torn, windows smashed, planks of broken wood from his desk and side of the bed haphazardly thrown around the room. You sighed deeply as you ran your hand across the door frame and went towards your room, your heart rate increasing in anticipation. 

You dodged a few nails and sharp edges from the debris on the floor, covering your mouth with your hand as the whole apartment was left in a misty, dusty haze. You gulped quite loudly as you stood at the door of your room, expecting the worst.  

But the worst never came. 

The only thing that was different about your room was not that it had been trashed, or that your favourite things were left broken. It was the large letters that were spray painted yet again in red on the back wall. 

 ** _MONSTER_** ** _SYMPATHIZER_**  

How fucking original. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips tea*  
> My my, what has happened here...  
> What a crummy juncture huh ;)


	12. Pixelated triggering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shw'38rfevd e \d3-405d ... OOPs this chapter was a long time coming, I'm so sorry it took longer than usual but hey if you think about it, this chapter is longer than usual so you're in for a real treat let me tell you.  
> I also hated a lot of this when I was writing it so I felt a tad unmotivated... but hopefully it isn't too shabby.  
> Without further ado, lets try and get into Sans pants even though reader is just frolicking in the fields of friendship for now

In the past five minutes you had realized not one but two things; 

 

Staring at the mess left behind from the break in was not going to make it all magically disperse, which is a great shame for you. 

And Undyne is going to go on the biggest warpath ever looking for the culprits when she finds out what went down in her dear old buddies apartment. Hopefully you'd be around for that part so you could see a giant fish lady flip some puny humans onto their spineless backs. Now that’s what you call entertainment.  

Sighing deeply for what felt like the hundredth time since you walked into the apartment, you took out your phone and scrolled through the contacts with shaky hands. Calling Undyne is not a good idea with her explosive attitude, Alphys would just stutter for the duration of the call and Papyrus, well it breaks your heart only thinking about his reaction to finding out his home and belongings have been trashed just because he and his brother are monsters. The only person you could think to call is Sans, having the feeling he would know exactly what to do because honestly you were struggling what to make of all this. Toriel was undoubtedly too busy to bother, she was a very prestigious member of the monster community who had a line up of all sorts of work _and_ on top of that was helping out with the café _._  

You hesitated when pressing your finger to San's number, after all it's pretty rare that the first time you ever call someone is to let them know that all that they hold dear is uh, now in pieces. You pinched the arch of your nose in frustration that you were allowing yourself to stall this badly considering how serious this situation was, before you eventually took a deep breath and called the appropriately named "Boneboy". 

_Ring_ _ring_ _._  

_Ri_ _ng_ _rin_ _-_  

_"heya."_ His voice came through even more baritone than usual from the interference of the phone. 

"Hey Sans its me, Astrid? Wait I don’t even have to say that do I because caller ID, duh. But that doesn’t matter right now, listen I nee-" 

"knock knock." He interrupted you hastily. 

Did he. 

Was he. 

Really Sans? This was not the time for his insistence on terrible jokes. 

"Sans." You deadpanned, trying to keep your voice steady before you told him what had happened. 

"thats not how these kinda jokes work ya know." Sans singsonged through the receiver, earning a quick grunt and an eye roll from you as you carefully paced round the living room, phone glued to your cheek. 

"Are we seriously doing this right now?" You objected, only to hear gentle snickers on the other side, which you might as well just allow considering he wont be laughing in a minute or two. 

"come on duchess humour me, im having the _wurst_ time at the hotdog stand." Oh man, he was having a bad day and now this? God must be seriously punishing you for your sins right now, at this moment you wished it hadn't of been you first to discover the unlocked door so someone else who was actually organized could handle it. 

"Jeez fine if you wanna play it that way, knock knock." You heard a soft sigh of content through the phone, you just knew he was grinning like a cheshire cat even if you couldn’t see that skeletal face. 

"whos theres?" 

Sans was either going to take this badly or very, very badly and no matter which one it was did not get rid of the fact that the people who did this were still out there, possibly waiting for the next time they're vulnerable in order to strike again. You didn’t want to think about the possibility of them being more extreme than this time, with all the damage they had already caused in what seemed like a small space of time while you were out. 

"Uh, some super mean people who bust into your apartment and totally turned the place upside down, broke the lock on the door along with most of your possessions and left mildly threatening messages scattered around...?" You squeaked out, trying your damn hardest not to swallow air as you waited for him to speak, the long silence between the two of you putting you even further on edge. 

"some super mean people who bust into your apartment and totally turned the place upside down, broke the lock on the door along with most of your possessions and left mildly threatening messages scattered around who?" Sans repeated, and if he was in the room he would be receiving multiple slaps for the amount of sass you're getting off him, but you couldn't deny that it was actually kind of impressive how well he remembered what you said as if reading from a script however, that’s got to be at least 100 man points. 

"Urgh! No Sans, why are you doing this to me." You scolded. 

"heh im not feelin' this joke much duchess, 's not very _humerus_." Sans reprimanded, and you had to remind yourself that throwing your phone at the wall wasn’t going to help your cause here. 

"Sans." 

"astrid." There was a playful hint to his voice and you couldn’t help but pout at his stubbornness to listen. 

"You seem awful chipper for someone who's having a bad day." 

"...ill be honest here and say that i said that completely for the sake of using a hotdog pun." 

"Oh boneboy, I have to say I'm disappointed." You made a point of sighing deeply into the speaker, causing a muffled wispy sound to accumulate down the receiver along with some laughs on his side. 

"welp ill make it up to you when amazon delivers me that joke book, itll mean I have a skele-ton of-" 

"Sans please, I need to tell you something so please put your shitty jokes aside." The seriousness in your voice came through and interrupted his speech, Sans seeming to sense some shift in the turn the conversation was taking, coughing to clear his throat (did he honestly _need_ to do that? Who the hell knows). Yet again there was a long pause and if it weren't for the scuttling sounds on his side if the line you would of thought he had hung up. 

"shoot." 

With your words trailing off and speaking at a faster pace than you originally intended, you explained the events of the day to Sans. It made sense to backtrack through the whole day, including the excursion with Undyne and Alphys as you knew that he would just end up asking more questions to determine the situation if you didn’t. When finally telling Sans about the destruction back at the apartment, he simply listened and took all of it in without stopping you, although you could of swore you heard the faint noise of his breath hitching when you mentioned Papyrus's room taking some of the beating too. It was hard to determine what was going through his mind at the moment, the hard to read skeleton was even more conserved through a phone. 

"you at the apartment still?" Sans questioned, slight worry dripping off his words. 

"Yep, just keeping an eye on the place in case the person who did this comes back and well, this needs to be dealt with as soon as possible."  

"and what ya gonna do if they decide to pick a fight?" He made a fair point, your 5ft4 height wasn't going to strike fear in the hearts of anyone apart from maybe a street cat and even they were feisty little things. 

"Please Sans, you've already seen first hand how good my aim is when it comes to knees."  

"you got that right, give me one sec." There was faint rustling noises on the other end and you didn’t have time to question him as the line soon went dead, you pulling the phone away from your face quickly to stare at the screen with confusion before a familiar electric static formed in the room, which for the record you would never of recognized if it hadn't been for you to actually experience magical teleportation first hand. A blue jacket made it's way into the apartment, the one being worn by an anguished and angry looking Sans. His eye was completely focused on the marked out photo frame, his right socket a blazing blue at an intensity you didn’t think was possible. 

Sans snapped out of it when you coughed suddenly, the magic once circulating in his eye socket dulling down and then disappearing at once back to his white pinpricks that had a dim look to them. 

"when you said they turned it upside down i didnt think you meant it so literally." He grumbled, taking slow steps as he walked past broken furniture whilst tracing them with a single digit. 

"They won't get away with this, Sans. The authorities can surely help out." You stated firmly, placing a hand on Sans' shoulder and he felt tense under your touch, flinching slightly but you linked that to what he was seeing. He turned to face you, It saddened you to see him looking genuinely pained compared to his jokey and usually calm exterior. 

"as much i admire your sense of justice astrid I can tell you for a fact that _they_ wont help us." Sans sighed, rubbing his skull as he observed the room more, wiping some dust off the arm of the couch and watching it dissipate. 

"Why wouldn’t they? If we go to the police station right now we can handle this! Maybe get an insurance cover if we're lucky." You started to make your way to the just about self-standing door before you felt Sans tug at your arm, unable to meet your eyes. He looked...ashamed, withdrawn, like he didn’t want to say something and was physically forcing himself too. 

"because me and papyrus are monsters and they are a human facility. as much as they try and put across the idea about equality its not the case, they wont do a single thing for _us_. trust me on this astrid, it aint the first time something like this has gone on." Sans gestured at the mess near his feet in an exasperated manner, you could still feel a tingly feeling against your bare arms and pinned it down to unstable magic from his repressed anger. The need within you to help was great, so without thinking you went straight to the cupboard by the long corridor to reach for a dustpan and sweeping brush, bringing it back to the room where Sans was who appeared to be calling someone and waiting for them to answer. For now you didn't want to intrude on his business which was admittedly hard when said person is only a couple yards away, but nevertheless you picked up loose trash off the floor and bigger pieces of smashed debris to put in a waste bag, Sans glancing at you to smile as gratefully as he could. 

"hey listen i...yeah i...oh heh I didnt know he was with you right now but thats great because...wait wha-? no undyne dont let him buy 10 boxes of it...right sure...no you will definitely get kicked out if you do that...can ya do me a favour and keep him distracted a bit? ...perfect...couple hours maybe its...huh? yeah shes here with me too why?" Every now and then you'd have to move to clean something new up and took the opportunity to secretly glance up at Sans to see what he was doing. You grabbed another empty bag from the side, reaching over slowly to stall for time only to see the side of his face that had a hint of blue in it. What the hell could he be blushing about? He was only talking to Undyne and you assumed it was about Papyrus, he didn’t want his brother to come home to such a shock. He turned away as if he was trying to shield you from his phone and spoke in a much quieter and hushed tone than earlier. 

"first off that isnt true, shes my friend and shes helping...urgh not in that way. aaand thats my queue to hang up after that comment...sound, ill text you when its all a-okay. ill explain later, thanks." Behind you the sound of a phone snapping shut made you stop sorting through scraps and stand to look at Sans who had one hand stuffed in his pocket and the other extended into the air, using magic to quickly transport much larger broken pieces then you were working around and then sending them through the larger window to drop outside. 

"That’s what we have trash cans for Sans. You know, the trash." You folded your arms and raised a brow at him, Sans only shrugging in return before pointing outside and downwards to such a degree that you had to go right over to him to see what was being referred to.  

"then you can visit it at any time." Sans said smugly when you leaned against the window frame to see a trash dumpster conveniently placed at the foot of the window. Who knew that there was perks to having one of your apartment windows positioned perfectly for a quick and easy trash toss, minus actual littering. Handy for lazy people like yourself.  

You thought about Sans' conversation on the phone to Undyne, he was very vague about why exactly Papyrus needed to be out of the way for a little while and you were even more shocked that Undyne agreed so easily and with no cross-examination, from what you could decipher anyway.  

"You know I still think we should tell someone about this Sans, we can't just deal with a personal attack on your home by ignoring it." It was best to keep reasoning your case sooner than later as cleaning up all the evidence wasn't going to catch anybody. Sans raked the back of his skull as if he was thinking of another way out of it but you knew that your master persuasion skills couldn't be reckoned with. 

"asgore may be able to help." Sans mumbled while reaching for his phone, tapping it gently against the palm of his hand seeming indecisive. It wasn't hard to figure out that contacting Asgore was almost like a last resort as you recalled Sans mentioning that the monster wasn't in his good books but were civil with each other nonetheless. 

"Nice nice. Wait, this has happened before right? What did you do then?"  

Sans shuffled awkwardly as he looked around the deprived room, avoiding eye contact as if looks could kill. 

"oh gee, now i wanna say i taught them a lesson-" 

"Beat the crap out of them, always a good strategy." 

"somethin' like that yeah." Sans  grinned and sported a rather bashful look as he used his magic to summon what appeared to be thick strands of magic that he could manipulate at will to move broken furniture to the side. "back in one of the suburb based districts in ebott where me and papyrus used to live, it happened a couple times. we got broke into at least twice a month? the landlady was a real bitch and wouldnt lift a single finger to help so uh, i took it into my own hands." 

"Damn you were like the Batman of Ebott." You chuckled to yourself as the thought of Sans dressed in the batsuit flooded your mind, remembering quickly that he definitely did not reach the same towering height even in boots.

"a what now? whats a batman?" Immediately after hearing that specific word combination you spun yourself around to glare at a confused looking Sans, who raised a brow when you clutched your chest where the heart would be, dropping your jaw from being completely, utterly flabbergasted. 

"astrid? ya still in there?" Sans came over with an amused expression and clicked his fingers an inch from your face, which was actually kind of strange that he can even click against solid bones. You had to prop one side of your body up against the wall so that you didn’t accidentally pass out from this new revelation. Eventually you tilted your head back to acknowledge Sans, who was actually starting to look concerned but he deserved it from notn knowing such vital nerd knowledge. 

"I'm actually offended." You rapsed out while shaking your head in distress. "Four years on the surface Sans! Four! Fucking! Years!" 

"four years is still short enough to class me as a newbie to human culture ya know, so explain?" Sans had now continued to sort out the mess, you noticed he was being extremely careful with some thick, old looking books and your curiosity was peaking at an all time high, trying to repress it for the sake of the conversation. 

"Batman, Sans, is a billionaire playboy by day and crime fighting vigilante by night who defends the streets of Gotham while looking badass in a full black leather suit clad with super awesome gadgets. Oh and his helmet has liccle bat ears." 

"wheres gotham? ive never heard of that place before." He was doing that habit of tapping his fingers against his chin as he usally does when in thought. 

"Right I should of mentioned that he's not a real person, it's all fiction and made up superhero stuff. Theres comics, shows and some games for it are decent enough." 

Sans acted generally interested with each word, but that didn’t change the fact that until this day he had never heard the word 'Batman'...which meant that he had also never seen, read or played anything DC or marvel related and that certainly had to change as soon as possible, you simply could not allow such ignorance for it. You put down the pile of books you were carrying in your arms by the door hastily and slapped the dust off your hands before huffing from the hard work. 

"eh me and paps play mario kart from time to time but I gotta say i havent played my fair share to speak." God what was happening here? This guy needed to be SERIOUSLY educated on all things good, along with any other of your monster pals who were in the same boat. You quickly looked over the apartment from where you stood; considering you two had only been cleaning for around 20 minutes, the whole room was in a much better state than it was, though far from where it needed to be. You collapsed onto the couch which although it was now ripped and had stuffing falling out, still did not fail to be moderatly comfortable. Sans gave you a "are you kidding me?" stare from you being even lazier and against any more work than him, but he eventually gave in and sat next to you with a fair bit of distance in between you both for added room.  

"Im sorry but this is unacceptable." Before Sans could ask, you forced yourself off the couch with a sudden thought and pegged it towards the room you inhabited, wincing at the sight of the hate words sprawled opposite the bed you slept in. It took you a second to remember where you kept videos and random media alike, before the wheels in your mind started turning again leading you to walk over to the bedside cabinets bottom drawer to examine some ps4 games that were what you considered beginner material. It was a renowned fact that Minecraft was for 12 year old edge lords but for you figured Sans would like the creative aspect of it, and what's so hard about placing blocks and blowing up sheep?  

Walking back into the room Sans was still on the couch, going through some polaroid looking pictures and on seeing you putting them face down on the side. He had taken the whole thing pretty well but there was no reason you couldn’t try and cheer him up - anyone would be even a little upset about it regardless of it happening before or not. 

"what cha got there duchess?" Sans eyes flickered from you to the game case that you had settled on the side. 

"Just a game I thought you might like... I think a break is well needed." Sans snorted but didn’t exactly complain about that idea, unsurprisingly."

"never heard of it before but if you can vouch for it, im _game_."

The TV shockingly, was still lined up against the wall in a fine condition, untouched. What kind of people break everything but the TV? What a bunch of amateurs, it's the most classic thing to kick in. You rested your fingers at the base of the TV, wondering if they had indeed stolen the console that was normally settled there before you felt the obvious feeling of static in the room, and then again straight after when Sans appeared with it clutched in one hand, wires and all.  

"took it to my room the other day to watch some movies on, didnt want pap to see em." Sans stated, answering your unvoiced question. You cocked a brow at him and he snickered as he passed you to hand you the ps4, not too interested in helping out any further. 

"not those kind of movies thank you very much." Sans finished although you for sure saw a light blue blush rising to his cheeks at that. Not wanting to waste time you quickly pushed the cables into the right outlets, earning a small shock when you tried to force the wrong one in as the TV wasn't having any of it. Happy with the setup, you grabbed the game case and popped it open to carefully put the disk in the tray and sat back on the sofa with a controller as it loaded up. You passed another controller to Sans who lazily accepted it and leaned back into the partly broken couch, staring blankly at the start up menu and glancing at you for some guidance.  

"Okay so there isn't really an aim or a goal for the game, you can basically do what you want on it. If you press square- yeah you got it, that’s your inventory." Sans pouted at his empty inventory versus your stacked up and nearly full one. 

"hmm i only have a map."  

"You get that when you start the game for the first time on a new world, tells you where you are obviously of course." You laughed to yourself before dropping some stuff on the ground for Sans' avatar to take, he was quickly starting to get the hang of it.

"new world?" Sans questioned, stopping the avatars movements to pick up the case and read the back of it. 

"Yeah like you can have multiple saves on here so you can play the game differently or do things a certain way. Sometimes I'll get bored with one world and start again for example." Sans had realized how to make his character crouch and was now thrusting it into an unaware cow. 

"so what happens to all the characters in this when you go on a different slot file?" Sans sounded suspicious almost and you shifted in your seat unconsciously when you felt his eyes boring into you from the side. You never knew explaining a simple game mechanic could make the atmosphere divert so quickly.

"Oh they sort of just, respawn? Like they will disappear and come back later if I decide to make a new one." 

"they have to go through it all over again?" Sans voice was usually low and quiet, but he was now barely audible as he spoke and you didn't know as to why he was acting so strange all of a sudden. 

"Well they are only characters in a game...it's not like they feel anything." There was only few ways you could explain a concept like this, but Sans carried on with the game anyway seeming a little more satisfied now with your answer then before. You were digging away at some soil with a pickaxe (how shameless) when from the corner of your eye Sans' body jerked in a sort of jump scare reaction. 

"what the hell?" Sans backed his character away from what looked like a- 

Oh. 

_Oh._  

A couple blocks ahead of Sans on his screen was a pixelated version of a spider, and standing next to it, a rather crude looking skeleton. You awkwardly fumbled with the joystick before leaning over. 

"That’s a uh..." 

"is that a skeleton? its holding a weapon." Sans was squinting at the screen and to say he looked offended was the biggest understatement of all time, and he flinched again when the skeleton got alerted of his presence and started to attack him with a bow and arrow. 

"It's sort of an...enemy monster?" Sans turned to look at you with a puzzled gaze, not speaking to let you continue. "I mean what you have to think about is that this game was made waaaaay before we even knew monsters even existed so it's not too accurate...you know maybe we should pay something else!" You felt like a huge idiot for picking a game that included fucking monsters that were depicted as evil, well done Astrid, why couldn’t you of just settled for something simple like Cooking Mama on the classic DS. 

"an enemy monster. right." His voice was extremely blunt, as if trying to put on the most normal voice as he possibly could. With those following words he quickly changed items to a sword on screen and slayed the monster quite impressively before moving onto the spider who was more tricky as it jumped around a whole lot more.

"dunked." Sans shot you a smug grin and you pushed his shoulder as you both laughed, at least he'd lightened up now, the tense side of him you could do without.

The two of you continued to play for while longer, (you making the best decision to change to peaceful mode so you didn’t run into any more...skeletons) not taking too much attention on time as the two of you were working together to get materials to build a super awesome tree house. It took you longer than expected as Sans kept falling out of the tall trees, which meant he lost all his items and usually got lost on the map when he had to try and navigate back. You were both playing minecraft based pranks on each other like putting dynamite blocks where he was digging or spawning lots and _lots_ of wolves in the outside pool you made, before extremely loud footsteps were heard coming up the stairs, making you and Sans exchange nervous and panicked looks.  

Not a moment longer the broken door was swung open at a wider angle which made you jump despite the fact that you expected it. You and Sans hesitantly turned your necks around slowly and dropping the controllers, only to be met by a distressed looking Papyrus and an incredibly angry Undyne who was breathing so hard and deeply you thought she needed an oxygen mask so she wouldn’t keel over. 

"BROTHER, THE HUMAN AT THE FRONT DESK CALLED TO TELL ME WHAT HAD HAPPENED! WHY DID YOU CONTINUE TO BOONDOGGLE AND NOT TELL ME?" Papyrus had his eyes locked on Sans who was squirming intensely, while Undyne was parading through the apartment and growling when discovering some new damage. 

"heh, sorry bro, jus' didnt think youd wanna be part of the cleanup committee."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a whole lot or triggering going down.
> 
> I also love receiving comments! So comment to your hearts content!! <3


	13. Tag along

The atmosphere around was what you could have only explained as "tense but not so tense". Sans and Papyrus had both sets of eyes locked with each other as part of some secret conversation that didn’t need words, while you were harvesting from your sugar cane farm and pretending not to listen as Undyne was quietly screaming down the phone to someone, presumably Alphys, her anger about the situation being her most dominant emotion along with disgust. A less awkward person would have shut the game down completely but here you are, for now just being a bystander until needed. 

"YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND BROTHER. THIS IS ALL MY, I AM THE ONE TO BLAME FOR THIS CONUNDRUM." Papyrus declared, his knees collapsing into the ground with a small thud that would have been much louder from the bone had it not been for the carpet softening his fall. The distance from Papyrus's knees to the ground was bigger than most after all because of his tall physique, his legs being long and slender. As if all three of you had the same thought at once, you and Sans simultaneously gave Papyrus a questioning and skeptical look although he didn't notice as his sockets were trained on the ground, followed by Undyne walking over from the kitchen after finishing her phone call. Sans was the first to speak up, placing a hand on his brothers back to coax him to continue. 

"pap? why would you think that bro? I hate to _break_ it to ya but some humans well...they just cant accept things." Sans said attempting to lighten the mood, the pun temporarily bring Papyrus back to planet earth as he groaned at the pun. 

"SANS NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR DISTASTEFUL PUNS! ESPECIALLY IF IT IS ABOUT...THAT." 

"sorry bro, didnt think." 

Papyrus ended up standing with shaky legs, clearly the setting was making him uncomfortable and upset as orange tears started to well up in his eyes and lords almighty you desperately wished for a thousand boxes of tissues to rain down so you'd never have to see that precious skeleton cry ever again. He dabbed at his eyes with a gloved hand with an almost ashamed look that he couldn’t keep his composure together and he glanced Undynes way who had strangely been relatively quiet this whole time. 

"WHEN LEAVING THE APARTMENT THIS MORNING I SAW TWO MEN SKULKING AROUND OUTSIDE THE LOBBY." You had to quickly nudge Sans in the ribs to stop the grin forming on his face at the incidental pun, and he cleared his throat as he stood at a straighter posture. 

"AT FIRST I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT! THAT THEY WERE JUST RESPECTFUL MEMBERS OF THE COMMUNITY! HOWEVER IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE NOT SO FRIENDLY AS I HAD FIRST PREDICTED." Tiny beads of sweat had made their way to Papyrus's forehead who grinned bashfully at his brother then at Undyne, coming across as rather hesitant as he nervously fidgeted with the tips of his glove. You laced your fingers around the lanky skeletons hand for comfort which seemed to do the trick as you felt his whole body relax by the simple gesture. 

"Keep going Paps, it's alright." His shaking had finally come to an end, with Sans nodding to you as a form appreciation. 

"W-WELL THE TWO GENTLEMEN QUESTIONED ME ON WHAT I WAS DOING IN THIS BUILDING YET MY ANSWER ONLY SEEMED TO INFURIATE THEM FURTHER...I TRIED TO SOOTHE THEIR AGGRESSIVE NATURE AND TEACH THEM FRIENDLY MANNERS, OFFERING TIPS ON HOW TO INITIATE FRIENDSHIP WHEN YOU DON’T POSSESS SPAGHETTI BUT THEY WERE...NOT INTERESTED IN THAT." Papyrus was squeezing your hand with every passing sentence which if you were being honest was a tad painful, your fingers being subject to the tightness and you could already see them discolouring into a soft fleshy red. Despite that you pulled yourself together, there were worse things going on  right now then the discomfort of your hand. 

"Come on Papyrus we gotta know! Those punks _best_ not have threatened you?!" The venom in Undyne's voice was unmistakable just as expected, you don’t particularly blame her but you do hope she doesn’t go off on a tangent as you felt a surge of magic in the air which was similar but didn’t have the same feel to it as Sans did. Papyrus looked over to Sans nervously for what you guessed was brotherly support, and he smiled with his eyes as a gesture to continue. 

"NO ONE COULD EVER THREATEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! It's just that the smaller human maybecouldhavesortof threw a stapler from the desk at my skull butdonotfreakoutbrothersans...?" Papyrus squeaked out quickly as he spoke. He did not for one expect his brother and Undyne giving the most disgusted and resentful stares yet it was obvious they were not directed at the tall skeleton but the men who after putting two and two together, were most likely were the ones who had committed the crime. It was wrong of you to assume so easily but there were no leads to go on besides this one and they had all the reason to do such a thing – they had hatred and ignorance for monster kind and that was ambition enough for some. 

"come again?" Sans was doing that creepy face where the depths of his eyes were as black as a winter night sky, the small white pupils that usually darted around his sockets vanishing instantaneously. After too long staring at his expression you peeled your own eyes away, it had a majorly eerie feel to it. 

"NOW NOW BROTHER DO NOT BE ALARMED, THE FLYING OBJECT ONLY CAUSED A MINISCULE DENT IN THE BACK OF MY SKULL WHICH WILL SOON HEAL! HOWEVER I DO THINK THESE PEOPLE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS ALSO..THEY SAID THEY WOULD COME BACK AS YOU HAVE NOTICED BY THE APPARENT MESS." Papyrus looked so downhearted with himself it was impossible to resist the urge to snuggle your body into the side of him as a lazy but good intended side hug.

The cuddle session was short lived when Sans stood in front of Papyrus sporting the same emotion as his brother 10 seconds earlier. Papyrus slowly pulled away from you and you backed away too to give the two some space, with Sans asking him to turn around and bend down so he could inspect his skull properly in case there was damage that needed to be taken care of. Papyrus flinched as his brother lightly ran his fingers across the small jagged crack that ran along the right side of his skull, you hadn't noticed it until now because he had his back to everyone and you had the theory that that was the very idea.

Not a moment passed before you saw Sans generate magic which you guessed was for healing, and the crack didn’t look as prominent but was still visible. You guessed from your own (but sadly not in depth) knowledge of the skeletal system that eventually it should heal back up to 100% in no time as if it had never happened, that however did not excuse the fact on how it got like that in the first place. Sans gave him a small pat to the head causing Papyrus to nyeh softly, not in pain but in sadness. 

"i hope you know im using every essence of self control here to not find those guys and fucking-" 

"LANGUAGE BROTHER!" Papyrus interjected just as Undyne walked in, you hadn’t even noticed she had left the room which was surprising with how she had first made an appearance on discovering this wreck: loud and brash, matching her personality. 

"Listen Sans, I know you're not gonna like this so please, SHUT IT while I talk and let me finish." The towering fish made a point to raise her hands in a questioning gesture with Sans nodding and taking a deep breathe before she went on to talk again. Papyrus was sitting on the sofa simply observing, he didn’t make a move to contribute and fiddled with some books on his lap. "I just got off the phone to Fluffybuns to tell him about what happened and- HEY don’t look at me like that you boner! He helped last time and you know he needs to know about incidents for the monster community. He also said there's a chance you could get some insurance to cover it." Papyrus nodded to himself, his spirits slightly more lifted while Sans was thinking it over and pulling at his hoodie strings almost nervously. 

"wish you could have talked it through with me first undyne." 

"If I did that you never would of agreed. But yeah seriously, you guys can sleep at mine and Alphys' place for now since we got that sweet expansion on the house so grab your stuff, ITS SLEEPOVER TIME!" Undyne quickly grabbed Papyrus by the arm and sprinted down the corridor for his room, and your eyes swept over your room as you watched the two leave. Did the offer apply to you too? It didn’t matter too much if it didn’t, everything in your room looked like it was in place besides the new "art" on the wall but it was perfectly sleepable. It's not like you had to spend much more time here it was just a sleeping arrangement and if it all went tits up, there was a nice looking apartment on the other side of the building that mirrored the style and shape of Sans and Papyrus's you could always investigate into. Besides, you couldn’t stay here forever no matter how cool your recently acquired skeletal friends were. 

"theres absolutely no way youre staying here tonight astrid. not when the place is like this." It was like he had read your mind, which for the love of god you hoped wasn't a secret aspect to his magic...heck. Sans started to wonder in the back of his mind when had he started acting so hospitable and nice to humans? He felt like he was losing it.

"Thank you so much." You let out a sigh of relief, maybe you were more worried about the possibility of staying here then you first thought. "Hey is like, telepathy part of your magic by the way?" You innocently inquired, if you had that skill you for sure wouldn’t spread it around but hey might as well give it a shot. Sans raised a brow and chuckled at your question which was the first time you'd heard it since he walked in so far, a sign that this whole thing was only temporary and they would get through it.

"'s no problem kid, thank undyne. but nah duchess, not for me anyway. not sure if it is magic that exists if im bein' straight with ya, man thatd be annoying with all the voices of idiots in your head."  

"That sucks because that power would be so rad, Professor X is just too cool for the world." You may have gotten a little too excited at a time where the mod was supposed to be somber as you pulled your fists to your chin in glee, thinking about geeky shows which fuelled the reasons for you wanting to exist. Sans tilted his head back in confusion as he fixed you with a strong stare, waiting for you to elaborate more. 

"who now?" This is all too much, first batman and now this?! He didn’t know how lucky he really was to have someone as "humanly cultured" as you before to show him so many amazing things, and now that you and your monster buds were to be lodging in the same place it was the perfect excuse for some much needed R&R. 

"Christ Sans I don’t know if I can deal with you not knowing these things...if you were a human I'd teach you my ways but then I'd _have_ to kill you for showing great dishonor." You practically smashed your hands into your face and wished you had a fully functioning table to head butt repeatedly. Sans snickered again, watching Papyrus and Undyne file out carrying so many boxes you didn’t even know how it was possible to keep that amount of stuff in only one room. 

"that one of your 'superhero' people again?" He bent his two fingers to exaggerate the word and you scoffed. 

"Only because you don’t know much about all that jazz will I let that slide boneboy." You narrowed your eyes at him before you slipped away and grabbed some basic essentials to quickly shove them into a bag: a toothbrush, two sets of pyjamas, work clothes, normal clothes, underwear, a couple secret movies and games to share with everyone later on, random miscellaneous items and your war paint. That’s makeup to everyone else in the world. You felt the need for speed as Papyrus and Undyne were already done packing up the entirety of his room for the short term move, but if you left something important then there's no stopping you from coming back to get it depending on how far away Undyne lived.  

"anyway we should head on out to get going. it takes a long time to get to undynes place and the trip will _drive_ you wild."  If Sans smirk was any bigger you wouldn’t be surprised if it would actually hurt him. 

"And there it is, there's the pun." You rolled your eyes at the skeleton who held his hand up to his jaw as he snickered, a heavy looking backpack hanging off his shoulder. When the hell did he even manage to get that? This whole teleportation made all his movements so easily trackable and sneaky, it made you envious of such a lucky power. You have learnt by now that giving him questioning looks just makes him smirk more, so for once you let your face rest into a genuine smile, Sans reciprocating the gesture and walking out with you side by side.  

 **-  -  -**  

For most of the drive, Undyne let the brothers have most of the control over the car radio in an attempt to lift their spirits. You could tell that Papyrus was putting on a happy face as his smile didn’t reach as high as it normally would, but you were determined to get him back to his old self again, he was a cinnamon roll who only deserved the best and you were the hero that was going to spread the joy in high amounts.

The drive down was a tad longer then you had imagined but then again Ebott never failed to surprise you when you passed places and went through districts that you'd never seen before, it seemed like the city could continue forever. It was about an hour away from the skeleton's place you were told, most of that time involving Sans playing Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley on loop for 20 minutes which you'll admit the first 3 times you jammed away but 10 times was the absolute limit for you, Papyrus _and_ Undyne. With one person being banned from song choice already, Papyrus's music of choice was a huge playlist which he had burned onto a CD himself that contained all the songs from Mettaton's™ 56 albums. His lyrics were certainly...interesting? Pretty much all of them were about himself or his legs and there was a strange one about being trapped in a dungeon but Papyrus was in complete awe of every single one so you weren't going to be the one that rained on his parade. Sans was less enthusiastic, sighing happily when a song ended but grumbling when a new one started, so the two of you made slightly awkward conversation before sending each other memes. And if there's one thing Sans has on his phone, it’s a shit load of dank memes. 

Undynes house was based in the suburbs of Ebott, a relatively nice area which was on no means on par with Toriels mansion but your pretty sure property like hers was reserved for royalty and the have-so-much-money-they-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-it kinds of people. It was quite a big place which surprised you as only her and Alphys lived there, but if she could afford it then you really don’t blame her. After being trapped underground for god knows how long they should all be able to get the most spacious houses their hearts desire and claustrophobia must definitely be a thing for many monsters.

The houses in the street had huge gaps in between them which gave you ideas of having kickass parties before you had even got out the car, just imagining the stages of drunk you will go through in that house and then going home to cry into pillows when finding out all the stupid stuff you did when intoxicated had indeed been recorded. Party crazed ideas aside, you took in how big the garden was. Forget big, it was fucking _huge_. If a house wasn’t in front and to the side of it you'd think the Superbowl was going to meet up here next year instead of its usual spot. It had to be at least an acre but you couldn’t get a good enough look except for some odd looking equipment in the far distance before when the car parked in driveway. The car engine hummed gently as it came to a halt, the lack of movement causing Sans to fidget in his sleep before waking up. He looked around cluelessly as if he had forgot where he was before his eyes flickered back to normal, sitting up in his seat and teleporting to the other side of the door. What a lazy fucker, opening the door was an easy thing but apparently not easy enough. 

Three times. Three times did you ring the doorbell before anyone told you that it's been broken for weeks, you somehow missed the sticky note under it reading "ITS TIME TO KNOCK" because of being too interested in the setting around you unfold. The front door had two glass slits on it and you felt a smile grace your face when you saw a small shadow shuffle up on the other side. You didn’t want to admit it to anyone but the feeling of nervousness had began to brew in you, and despite being good friends with Papyrus so far from working with him so much, the fact that you were staying at someone else's house who you had known for barely a week was verging on the edge of daunting. No one knew else around here knew who you were. You were still **alone**. 

No, you can't think about it like that. You _won't_ think about that. They like you, don’t fuck it up with your overthinking. 

You heard the sound of multiple locks being opened from the inside, which was a good 10 seconds of clicking. Man, paranoid much? Maybe they’ve had some bad luck in the past but you couldn’t see why as it was such a lovely area by the looks of it, but then again that’s what you thought about the block where Sans and Pap lived. The door started to open and you saw the tip of Alphys' snout before seeing a set of blinking eyes scan your face, quickly looking over everyone else before opening the door in a more welcoming manner.  

"H-hi guys! Come in...?" Alphys started, Undyne beaming beside you. 

Papyrus waltz'd in excitedly followed by Undyne, stopping short of her girlfriend and bending down to her level to offer a quick smooch and you had to remind your fluttering heart to calm the hell down at the sight of their cuteness. Sans was awkwardly hovering by the door and so were you, before you looked his way, him giving you an encouraging smile at sensing your apprehension.  

It was nicely furnished but in a more clustered way. Some walls were brick, others wooden and the odd few were wallpapered and painted. It gave a slight rustic feel to the place, nicely complimented by a huge, heavy looking sword placed on the wall with precision. It was as anime as you can get, these guys were nerds and you loved it because after all you were the King of Nerds and it takes one to know one. Or two in this case. 

"I d-didn’t know you all w-were coming! Sorry about t-the mess..." Alphys said quietly as she tilted her head down to the floor and brought her claws together to meet. Undyne slapped both her shoulders from behind after putting two boxes down and roared with laughter, which made the lizard gasp and flinch on impact. 

"Alphy babe please, this place is GLISTENING ITS SO CLEAN fuhuhuh!" Well that was...a bit of an exaggeration to say the least. The house was what you called 'messy cute' with all the random nik naks making it feel more homey and lived in.

"DO NOT WORRY PROFESSOR ALPHYS THE INSIDE IS JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE OUTSIDE, ALTHOUGH I MUST SAY THAT PUTTING PUMPKINS EVERYWHERE IS...NEW TO ME?" Alphys and Undyne shared a look and started laughing, joined by you when you noticed too. Did he not know much about Halloween? That certainly wouldn't do.

"That’s just a decoration Papyrus." You explained, and the tall skeleton's eyes widened upon realization.  

"WHY YES! THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS HEARD OF THIS EXCLUSIVE HUMAN HOLIDAY, HALLOWED WEENIE!" He wiggled a finger in the air proudly, and Sans had almost doubled over in laughter which went the same way for Undyne who was practically rolling on the floor. You for one...did not know what to say apart from correct him. 

"No Paps! It's called 'Halloween' not uh, that." 

"OH...NEITHER TITLE MAKE SENSE TO ME, BUT I DO LOVE ANY KIND OF HOLIDAY NYEH HEH!" Papyrus grinned, this one being much more similar to his usual one and you were glad for it, noticing Sans perk up at his brothers fixed attitude. Undyne pulled herself away from Papyrus' blunder and placed her hands on her hips. 

"Well okay nerds! Make yourself at home, but DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT going in my room or touching the specifically labelled pop tarts in the fridge. I'm looking at you Sans." She stared accusingly at Sans, who grinned innocently and did a double thumbs up. You sheepishly rubbed your arms, and Undyne locked eyes with you. Monsters must have a thing about noticing when your emotions shifted because these guys were like FBI level and would call you straight out. 

"Ah, sorry Undyne, I know this is a bit weird considering I've known you two for about a week, two weeks tops." The fish monsters stare softened in understanding as she took in your words, she looked a bit strained too but you couldn’t blame her, she had welcomed 3 other people to stay over indefinitely and it was a rather quickly made decision that you had jumped on. 

"Hah! Don’t worry punk if I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t be here." She wrapped a scaly arm around your shoulders and squeezed, everyone else wondering off now and doing their own thing. Sans of course had collapsed immediately onto the couch with his legs up and hands behind his head, Papyrus scolding him for 'bad guest etiquette' . "A friend of the skeletons is a friend of mine, you're alright in my book! Besides our house has a guest room anyway and you all needed help. It's no problem." 

Wait. 

Did Undyne just say a guest room? As in singular? As in a singular room that you’d have to share with the brothers? Well that was for sure going to be interesting. 

"Thank you so much Undyne. I'll like, sleep on the couch I think." Undyne stopped moving some of the left over stuff from the apartment to look at you, a bit of confusion traceable in her eyes. 

"You sure? There's two spare rooms it's just that they both have SINGLE beds. Unless you want to double up and make things extra cozy." She smiled suggestively and raised an eyebrow, making you giggle unexpectedly. Wow, okay stop blushing that was not going to help your case. That was too much, too soon in your mind so you think you'll pass on that one. 

"Okay that makes sense, I feel bad since it's their apartment that got ruined and not mine so yep, the couch is comfy enough for me to snuggle into!" At the end of the day sleep was sleep, and the brothers mentioned that as soon as the apartment was cleaned up a bit more, they'd go shopping for new furniture to make things go back to normal again. Apparently Asgore, the King of Monsters, was sending a small team to assess the place and get rid of all the rubble and broken stuff which they couldn't say no to. 

"If you say so then. SANS! PAPYRUS! You two losers get the spare rooms!" Undyne shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth for extra volume.  

"WOWIE! ITS EVEN GOT HUGE GLASS MONITORS!" You heard Papyrus shout from upstairs and down the hall. It was only a guess but you assumed he was talking about the windows. 

"heh, it usually is an important _mattress_ to me but don’t worry ill take the couch this once i guess, you can have the room if it helps." Sans said almost irritably, like he was taking the couch out of politeness more than actually giving a damn about where you slept. Ah well. Undyne grunted and nodded her head, migrating into another room when you laughed at the pun. You gave Sans a

"Sounds good to me." You pouted at Sans but he only answered in a shrug before dropping down on the couch again, before Undyne ran back into the lounge with 2 bottles clanking in each hand. 

"Whatever works for you guys, mi casa es su casa. NOW LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you likey!! I would write more in my notes but I'm honestly soo tired it's unreal.  
> I just really wanted to get this chapter out tonight! :D


	14. Settle down, there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning for alcohol use.
> 
> Just to let people know that updates MAY be a little teeny bit slower from now on, and by that i mean a couple days, so nothing major!  
> Its just that school is kinda demanding for me right now i just keep getting work shoved in my face constantly urgHHH.
> 
> Also i noticed i don't get too many comments...am i doing something wrong? I sincerely hope not lmao because boi is this word count adding up quickly.

Two bottles of whiskey, one full and the other significantly lighter than the other were pushed into your chest by a hyperactive fish monster and well, denying free alcohol would surely be a crime anywhere. You shrugged to yourself and huddled the bottles tightly and protectively in your arms like a little kid carrying books awkwardly in a school hallway, walking around blind from it being the first time ever visiting Undyne's house. You didn't even get the chance to take your shoes off but Undyne didn't seem to care, and from having an idea of her personality you knew that if she had a problem with it there'd be no hesitation in letting you know. Regardless you flicked the loose sneakers off, watching them clatter against the tiled floor messily before walking towards the voices round the corner. 

You were glad that upon reaching the living room where everyone else was, the floor material had changed from the cold tiles to soft carpet. It didn't feel too thick and plump, like it was worn down from being stepped on and walked all over so many times but you pushed away your high expectations of carpets and tiptoed on over to the couch, depositing a bottle on the very low settling table that was a perfect distance from the TV and the seats so that your lazy ass didn't have to shift too much.  

"sharing is caring i here." Sans points at your new best friend, the Jack Daniels, that you were currently holding in a death grip with absolutely no intention of sharing. You clutch it closer to your chest and narrow your eyes at the skeleton, who withdrawls with a chuckle before leaning forward to pour his own glass with the bottle that’s only 2 fifths full. Generally you were a nice person but letting everyone have the full one? As if that was going to happen anytime soon. According to Alphys, Undyne has been getting seriously deep into the Hunger Games movies and loved it so much that the movie choice was the first one of the troilogy, which was in your opinion the best one out of all of them, if only Finnick had made his appearance sooner would it of made it a movie that couldn’t be outed. Abs that good on a person had to be illegal. The only regret you had was that you weren't quick enough to suggest watching Batman because your sure everyone would get a kick out of it, minus Papyrus for the more "dark" scenes but it was fucking Batman, if someone badmouthed him then breathing wouldn't be a necessity for them anymore. 

After snapping the disk into the xbox on the stand, Undyne went over to cutely huddle on the couch with Alphys opposite the TV so they could be all lovey dovey together, unluckily for you that meant half the space was taken by some rather scaly monsters so you’d have to squeeze in where you could. Sans with his lazy grin plastered on his face patted almost patronizingly to some space next to him on the other side of the couch, so you and your little buddy-in-a-bottle sat down, the lowness of the couch taking you by surprise and it wasn't an understatement to say that you crashed into Papyrus's arms with a clanking sound from the harsh collision of bone against glass. He didn’t even flinch which was both impressive and super embarrassing you as you just kept...rolling further into his lap stiffly whenever you tried to get back up again, eventually you stopped squirming knowing that Papyrus would push you towards the seat next to him with his strength. Your eyes went from left to right sheepishly, Sans shrugging with a wink before focusing back on his drink. He wasn't even drinking his usual side of ketchup so the deal with the apartment must of got to him more than you thought. Papyrus's nyeh'd softly at realizing you hadn't moved, grinning to himself.  

What you did not expect, to say the least, was to be picked up by the tall skeleton, who moved his hands under your armpits to hoist you up into his lap properly, your back against his chest armour piece. Either this monster had no idea what he was doing, or he knew _exactly_ how flirty this was turning out. Man, did this guy even get what personal bubbles were or comfort zones? You were coming to the conclusion that Papyrus didn’t have either, but it didn’t surprise you in the slightest with how larger than life he is compared to most. Ah well, this is purely platonic... Damnit you could feel heat rising to your cheeks, it was sad to admit that no one had got this level of intimate or close to you in a very long time. His arm is only wrapping around your middle in a very friendly manner. Jesus snap out of it woman, focus on the adverts coming up for low budget films no ones ever heard of. You felt something tap you on the hand out of nowhere making you flinch slightly, before turning to see it was a gloved hand. 

"WORRY NOT HUMAN ASTRID! IF YOU WANTED TO SIT WITH ME BECAUSE THE MOVIE MIGHT BE TOO SCARY TO GO THROUGH ALL ON YOUR OWN YOU ONLY HAD TO ASK!" Papyrus said, his arm squeezing your arm temporarily for reassurance. With that explanation you instantly felt more relaxed, still finding it a bit weird to be cuddled like this but you knew he wouldn’t try and grope you on purpose or anything. You gave a small nod to yourself and giggled at Papyrus's words, damn you were vain thinking he was coming onto you. Ignoring the fact that this movie was not a horror movie but instead an action film with some seriously emosh stuff and badass fight scenes you relaxed more into the skeleton, bringing your legs up with a slight bend to the side as the room was filled with the harsh and sharp sounds of opening snack packets, lids being popped and the swizzling of drinks. You looked down at your whiskey, turning it to see the alcohol content was at 15%. Today was Friday which meant getting intoxicated wasn’t too big of a deal, but you didn’t want anyone to see the inevitable stages you went through after passing a certain level of drunk. Your conscious poked at your mind, telling you it was wrong to be having fun knowing that your roommates place is for now inhabitable and messed up, but after glancing at them they seemed to be recovering well from the turn events. It was unfortunate that they were both used to something as tragic as this, a hate crime. 

"this movie _butter_ be worth the watch 'ndyne." Sans side winked as he swished his bowl in a circle to try and melt the butter on his hot popcorn. Papyrus groaned with counteracted Alphys's shy giggle, Undyne soaring up from her seat and knocking some skittles on the floor by the quick action. 

"Sans if you weren't my house guest, id beat you up right now!" Sans simply blinked unphased as she settled back into her seat again. "This'll be the 8th time I've watched it this week, it's gonna be beyond epic guys!" Undyne squealed, her unrelenting enthusiasm visibly pepping everyone up that extra bit more, even Sans who stopped flicking kernel pieces at his brothers knee as target practice and sat properly back into the plush pillows to watch the TV. 

"8 times honestly?" It was hard to deny Jennifer Lawrence's awesomeness but this new found obsession was on a whole new level. 

"You're just jealous of Katniss, punk." Undyne retorted, jabbing a blue finger between your eyebrows. You rolled your eyes. 

"Yes you got me there, who wouldn’t be jealous of a girl who's forced in an arena to kill loads of kids in front of the nation! Sign me the fuck up." Undyne punched you lightly on the arm as Sans snickered. You took a swig of the whiskey, taking too big a gulp and feeling the burn hit the back of your throat before coughing roughly. Undyne's hand patted the top of your back between the shoulder blade to settle your coughs, before taking her other hand and pushing the end of the bottle upwards with her finger when you went to take another sip as soon as you recovered, angling it more. 

"ASTRID I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE A PARTY ANIMAL! Drink like you own it girl!" She hollered, Papyrus tutting as he folded his arms, pushing you forward a bit as if forgetting you were there. 

"I DO NOT APPROVE OF THE CONGESTION OF SUCH BEVERAGES. IT ONLY BRINGS ABOUT BAD DECISIONS AND GRINDING ON VARIOUS PIECES OF FURNITURE WITH YOUR PELVIS." Papyrus stated matter of factly, Sans cringing and pulling up his hood to forget about that whole ordeal. Undyne once again shot up from her seat having a yureka moment, startling Alphys who was tapping away on her phone. 

"Oh my god, lets all get so drunk it hurts." Undyne paused Hunger Games quickly and sat on her knees at the coffee table, signalling for everyone to move and do the same.  

"heh, well technically alcohol is a _solution_." Sans smirked to himself before stretching and sitting on the floor cross legged. Papyrus looked like he was about to explode, grimacing as the pun registered in his mind. 

"I WILL NOT TAKE PART IN THE TINGLY SUBSTANCES OR YOUR DREADFUL PUNS, SANS." Papyrus deadpanned, and you had to hold your hand to your mouth to stop yourself from laughing at the confrontation that was too familiar. His smile only grew, which meant he had even more material lined up. 

"alright bro, theres no need to _wine_ you can just have juice."  

"ORANGE JUICE IS RATHER PLEASANT BUT ILL HAVE MILK AS IT IS GOOD FOR BO- SANS?! NO!" He rang his hands out in agitation, everyone around you bursting into fully pledged laughter. Sans shot his brother a wink, Papyrus huffing off into the kitchen from the corner of your eyes to search for his precious bone strengthening beverage. Alphys happily shuffled off the couch still wrapped in her blanket before plopping down and pulling out a flat pillow from under the table to use as a seat. It reminded you of Japanese dining tables which you figured was the point; they both loved anime to death so taking the hint that they loved Japanese culture along with it is likely _and_ adorable. You joined in the fun too because hey peer pressure, Papyrus coming in to set his choice of drink down before lifting you up and down in one swift but quick moment, sitting you on his lap once again. It kinda felt as if you were being babied from the drastic size difference, Undyne and Alphys whispering and giggling at what you hoped was his obliviousness. Sans glared at you as if you had just molestered a homeless person, giving you the sudden desire to scramble the fuck off his baby brother and sit on your own for the first time all night.  

Alphys got up as Undyne was organizing shot glasses and when she came back, in her clawed hands and arms were an even bigger selection of drinks. Man you only wished you had such a good lineup. While distracted, Papyrus sneakily unpaused the TV but no one bothered too much with it like they once did 10 minutes ago, it was more for convenient background noise now apart from Papyrus who was genuinely interested in the movie and not the alcohol, gasping at the sudden explosion from Katniss's flashbacks. 

You examined one of the labels of a metallic/glass container but it didn’t ring any bells. It looked so foreign and strange, so of course you wanted  to take the biggest sip to see if it tasted as interesting as it looked which based on past experiences wasn’t clever, but then again you never really did learn from mistakes. Unscrewing the cap was harder than you first thought, having to squeeze the bottle between your thighs for some steadiness. When it finally popped open, some orange wispy like vapor came from the spout, small sparks coming from the inside before dissipating in the air. Alphys looked over and chuckled at your curious expression, clearing her throat shakily before moving in closer to you. 

"N-never seen anything like it b-b-before?" The edges of her lips tugged upwards slowly as she glanced between the drink and you, it looked as if she was trying to suppress laughter which wasn’t that shocking based on how fixated you were now on the new shiny object. 

"What is it? I don’t recognize this brand." You ran your fingers along the edge of the paper that was starting to peel off. It crumbled slightly under your accidentally destructive touch and on instinct you withdrew them, figuring it was older than it looked. 

"It w-would be awfully weird if you did know w-what it was!" Alphys gave an airy laugh, cautiously tilting the bottle in your hands and pointing to the base. "It's monster alcohol s-straight from the Underground which is formulated m-mainly of magic! That’s what gives it c-certain properties." She adjusted her glasses and blinked bashfully when she saw you staring back blankly. 

"W-what? Is there something on my f-face...?" She instantly lifted a claw to her face and scratched at nothing on her cheek. 

"Don’t worry babe you're good on that front. What are you nerds looking at? Your eyes couldn't get any bigger if they tried!" Undyne grinned widely, flashing all of her teeth with you subconsciously counting each one. They were going to take some time to get fully used to.  

"Just this." You held the bottle up in plain sight and wiggled it, proud that you could hopefully try some of it. Things directly from the underground were rare and a specialty. Undyne raised an inch in height as she arched her back backwards and raising a brow, impressed. 

"Damn you sure? That’s some strong stuff punk! Wouldn’t want you passing out on us like a major weenie...even though your room is like, only round the corner." You scratched the back of your head indecisively, if Undyne was hesitant about doing something head on then you sure as hell should be too. You held it up to your nose, not even having to breathe in for the strong scent to assault your nostrils. It smelt citrusy, a hint of spice and something you couldn't quite pick up with the chance of it most likely being an ingredient only found in the depths of the underground. It was purely intoxicating, drawing you in even more.  

"W-well it's not gonna hurt me is it?" You furrowed your brow in concentration, the only thing written under the ingredients section read '"We aren't THAT fancy. Bit of this and a bit of that" which was both suspicious and alarming. Alphys and Undyne smiled smugly at each other before chortling loudly at some inside joke maybe? Thinking back to the first time you had tried monster infused food it didn’t end too well for you, and you definitely did not want a rerun of that uncomfortable episode, throwing up too many sparkly substances for your liking.  

"Im being serious! I got sick last time."  

"It'll be totally fine punk! You're immune system should be able to deal with it this time, just go easy yeah?" It was hard to say no to Undyne's encouragement, and she grabbed a small shot glass to pour a small amount in of the drink, and by small you mean a mere 5 drops worth. Now you were worried? Maybe. You know what? Screw it, if things got exciting It would only be fun for everyone and at least it would be a good conversation starter for the next morning. Or the complete opposite depending on what embarrassing antic you'd possibly pull. You brought the drink to your lips but simply held it there, eying it and then everyone else. Undyne nodded quickly, her lips pulled up in a smirk? Alphys brought her hands together but couldn't meet your eyes, her being shy anyway not giving much away. Your bottom lip quivered just before you took a sip as you were stopped by a hand at your wrist. 

Specifically, a skeletal hand. 

Even more specifically, not Papyus's hand. The poor guy was too engrossed in the district reaping to notice anything else, his adorable red gloves covering most of his jaw as if holding his breath. If that was even a thing with skeletons, you still weren't too sure. By process of elimination, the boney fingers wrapped around your wrist carefully as to not spill the glass belonged to Sans. 

"careful duchess, monster drinks have side effects and i wouldnt want you _wine_ ing about them afterwards." Sans quipped, his tone playful as he loosed his grip now he had your attention. You immediately settled the shot glass down on the table and huffed. 

"Finally someone tells me _something_ even if it is vague. Can one of you let me know if I can actually drink this or ill actually go insane." You tucked a curl behind your ear and looked towards Sans for more answers. All you wanted was a goddamn drink and here you are getting all this hassle. 

"i remember buying alph that particular drink when she got her masters degree. drinking it might make you a bit uh, honest, i would know." He winked at you as you started to nod. Seriously? Was that all it did? Surely it couldn’t be bad to the extent that you'd end up spilling your deepest and darkest secrets, your tolerance was relatively high and from high school parties knew that you were one of the lucky ones who had good control at keeping your mouth shut from revealing things to others, even when verging on paralytic.

"Ehh, a tiny glass won't do much though right? Harmless. Besides I've always wanted to try monster alcohol so I have to jump out the window of opportunity." You picked up your glass again with a bit more confidence than before, puffing out your chest and wirily smiling at everyone. Undyne looked so proud you were worried that she was going to attack you with a hug and never let go, but at least that would be quite a nice way to die. Aw.  

"jus' take it easy? i doubt vodka is the answer but its worth a _shot_." 

"WE ARE NO LONGER RELATED!" Seems like mentioning puns can snap Papyrus out of anything. 

"bro thats not the _spirit_." 

"I DO NOT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT." 

"'m sorry my joke material isnt _grape_ enough today." 

"SANS NO!" 

"sans yes."  

"NO! NO DOES NOT MEAN YES?!" 

The brothers display went on for another long two minutes, which for the sake of your sanity was waaay too late because wow this stuff is amazing! The first "shot" of it could only be compared to sipping on stars, as if a part of the universe was contained in one bottle. It was electric, yet smoky at the same time. It almost bordered on the edge of having a syrupy consistency but you've had enough trips to bars and the basement of your old home to know that...you had never tried anything that even came close to this. 

So needless to say that 4 and a half shot glasses and one lime with noticeable bite marks later, you were making sure this godly substance becomes part of your personal collection. No you could do better than yet, tomorrow morning you were going straight to the registry office and marrying the shit out of it. 

Woooww, you can do anything you want! Fuck, invincibility is legendary. 

Pffft what was Sans even blabbering about, _honesty my sexy ass_. 

 **-  -  -**  

"THE GREATTTT PAPYRUS DECLARES THAT ASTRID IS NOW MY F-FAVOURITE HUMAN!" Papyrus was having a hard time just to get his words out, as a result making them extremely slurred and sloppy. You leaned over on the bar stool and patted his shoulder pads, leaning on them when you almost fell off the chair. "BUT DON’T WORRY UNDYNE!! YOU CAN TAKE SECOND PLACE!"  

"YEAAAH! I've always wanted to be a hoooman!" Undyne's got a can of whipped cream and she's made an incredibly accurate drawing of a squirrel on top of Sans' head. You were jealous of such fine art skills.

"THAT IS NOT TRUE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A ROBOT! JU-JUST LIKE THAT FUCKING SEXY CALCULATOR!" Papyrus had somehow made his way into the living room, lying across the whole couch with his legs dangling off the top and sides, he'd found lots and lots of uncooked spaghetti and was surrounding himself with it as a sort of shrine.

"Shhhhh shut up PAPPERS!" Undyne shrieked, taking his scarf and trying to make it into some elaborate origami. You;ve figured out that the more drunk Alphys gets, the less she stutters and her confidence increases with it. So far she's used a mop as an alternative to a skateboard, gave Undyne a lap dance as a dare and even climbed an oak tree in the yard wearing only a pair of socks. It was quite something. Papyrus mentioned that he has a deep passion for clouds and Sans admitted that from time to time he actually searches up new puns and jokes to use. Undyne is apparently crazy scared of horses and Alphys has a biting kink. Oh honesty alcohol, where have you been this whole time?

**-  -  -**

 

You'd never even seen a drunk Papyrus, and it was for sure your favorite version _ever_. You weren't even sure how he got like this, admittedly he's in a better state than everyone else but only by the smallest fraction. Maybe he mistook one of the glasses for his own but the difference between orange juice and monster alcohol is otherworldly. It's been a couple hours since the first sip and the place has got very wild since.  

When did Undyne get so hot? It's not like you're on that side of the spectrum...but your consious is telling you that you should be. You don't even get much more of a chance to dwell on that idea before Alphys is busy getting all sorts of handsy with her true fish so you retreat back into the living room, where Sans is cuddling with a rock?  

This is such a weird fucking night. 

But your drunk, hazy and can just about walk even if it is wobbly and in a zig-zag fashion. 

"Hey Sansy Pansy!!" You try and highfive each other as you get closer to the couch but it's effort when you're both like this so you end up just slapping his knee, Sans merely hits the air but he's content with it. Up until now you hadn't really noticed his scent; it reminds you of pine cones, snow, chalk. And also Calvin Klein mixed in too. Damn it was kind of alluring? ohhhhh no hold back the urge to puke, the couch is too nice a material to have it ruined.

Phew, under control. 

"astrid looky!" Sans's speech was also slurred and you couldn’t hold back the snickers, thankfully he was snickering too. "isnt my rock so _gneiss_." He held the rock up as if it was Simba in the worst re-enactment of Lion King the world had seen, proudness deep within his eye sockets. You started laughing madly and fell face first into the couch, patting a cushion slowly. 

"Huhh?" 

"it’s a geology pun. b-b-b-bitch." The rock was placed down on top of the pillow you were burrowing your face into, and upon lifting your head up you thought Derrick would be a lovely name for it. 

"Fuck I never noticed!" You leapt off the couch just as Papyrus twirled into the room and decided a yoga ball (where did that even come from?) would make an acceptable seat. There was a lot of drunk awkward flailing. Sans shot up to and you’d never seen him move so fast. You placed your hands on his shoulders, clenching your eyes before looking at your skeleton pal again who was staring at you with his mouth open. 

"Oh man tumblr and instragram was sooo right. Y-you do sound just like critical on the youtubes..." Sans took one of your hands off his shoulder and used at as a weapon against yourself, pushing it against your forehead. 

"and you sound like you cant handle your drinks." Did this guy ever stop smirking? 

"Do you ever stop smirking? Skeleton an-anatomy is wow so wow." Nope nope stop saying your thoughts outloud you crazy girl. Well okay now you are ever so slightly ramming a finger into his mouth. It's not like he's objecting to it. 

"is this what its like to be molestered? nooooooo stahup." He's weakly swatting at your arm but you pay no attention to it. You're only "exploring" which is a totally viable reason for such practice. As you can probably guess a skeleton mouth is not at all like a human mouth besides the teeth. Although 90% his face is a constant grin, his teeth still move when he talks just not so full on as when Papyrus does. You run your finger along the tips of his canines and his mouth widens a bit, the low angle of the sun reflecting off one of them and making them appear shiny and even pointier. Calling them fangs is a bit of a stretch because in truth they aren't that long, but they look more chiselled than a humans would be. You push your finger to the side of his mouth and shockingly his cheek seems to shift with it. Hmm. Maybe his face isn't so rigid after all, its acting very pliable under your instruction. He doesn’t have gums or a tongue, so naturally it's not very wet, but as you moved your face down to peer inside there's the unmistakable blue hue at the back of his throat if you could call it that. Magic probably. 

"my turn." Sans states suddenly when he thinks your done. He pokes your puffed out cheeks a couple times, laughing to himself lightly but in his drunkenness it's barely audible.  

"so squish, humans are soft. soft and squishy human." He's now prodding at the bottom of your exposed thigh, maybe pajama shorts weren't the best to wear when everyone's wasted and not really knowing what they are doing. You think back to previous memories and a sense of panic rises in you that you hadn’t felt in a long time. It's all too much. Why is he touching you? It's not even intimate, he's just messing with you, right? It's too hot and stuffy in here for your liking now. You back away a bit but misjudge your step and tumble backwards when you land your foot one of Alphys's prized action figures, she's gonna be pissed when she finds out that you and Papyrus unboxed all 26 of them and taped some to the fridge. Sans is right there again but you don't feel as jumpy now and offers you a hand, going to accept it even though he will probably end up falling too. 

"come on pumpkin were drunk but its not too _trippy_ yet." 

 _Pumpkin._   

That’s the only pet name you'll ever despise, the simple word making you turn into a shaking mess on impact. Hearing it makes you want to vomit, but instead you open your eyes wide in fear, crawling away pathetically from the monster that just wanted to offer some assistance. Sans tilts his head and his eyes seem to snap back into the present, instantly sobering up from the nights events. The worst thing he can do is come closer to you right now, you can feel hands all over your body along with cigarette burns and you claw at your arms frantically, moving them up and down as if to remove them.

"astrid buddy? you okay?"  

 _Be a good girl for me_ _won't_ _you?_  

Sans doesn’t seem to get the message so when he goes to lay a hand on your shoulder you snap and flinch violently with a loud gasp. 

_Lets put that flexible, young body to work._

"NYOO HOO ASTRID THE FLOOR IS NOT CLEAN AFTER TONIGHTS SHENANIGANS! LET ME HELP." You see a presence lean over your limp and shuddering body to pick you up over their shoulder so you try and fight it, kicking and slamming your hands against their back weakly which does no damage but the body picking you up tenses and drops you right on your ass. Ow? Thank you alcohol for making that not hurt as much as it should have, but it still leaves you rubbing the affected area.

 _You're nothing but a fucking whore._  

 _"_ No no! No please! Don’t t-touch me anymore I d-don’t want to. Stop it. Stop it!" 

 _Look at_ _you_ _...squirming underneath me like that._  

 _"_ _H_ _EY_! What the fuck did you do to my bestie?!"  

_You see what you did? Why do you make me hurt you like this..._

"hey hey its okay, youre safe with us astrid."

_Take it all, I didn't tell you to fucking stop._

"HUMAN? Why is water descending from your eyes?" 

"A-astrid d-d-do you need some s-space?" Alphys looked to everyone nervously and then to you with understandable eyes. Your friends slowly moved away from you to a further distance and you felt your breathing slow down, slowly but surely control. They all sat down on the floor, couch, whatever was closest and looked at you patiently but with worry seeping in. Undyne ran back in not a minute later with 3 huge boxes of tissues and some hot tea which tasted like it had salt in it instead of sugar.

"Im so s-sorry, so so sorry I didn’t want to do it but he- hic! -he made me do it Unny." You repeated the word sorry over and over as if it was a mantra, with Undyne stroking your hair to relax you and Alphys leaning into you, looking over to Sans apologetically. Papyrus got up from his spot and sat in front of you, resting his weight on one knee. 

"Let it out, that's it. Crying doesn't make you weak!"

"IT IS OKAY, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES IN LIFE." It was so unlike the taller of the two skeletons to look so stuck for words for once. You started sobbing even and pushed your face into your hands which muffled the saddening sounds. Papyrus whipped his head around to his brother, scared that he had upset you or triggered something further but Sans had a very concerned look on his face to notice.

"No you d-don’t understand! He ruined my l-life! That’s why I ran away and then I f-found you guys and im so s-s-sorry. Don't let him f-find me. I cant go back there." 

"WHO? I AM FAILING TO UNDERSTAND THIS, BUT I WILL NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN. WE WILL PROTECT YOU HUMAN AT ALL COSTS." 

You didn’t answer and continued to cry, letting your body fall limp into Papyrus who held you in a consoling hug, rubbing the top of your back and whispering small words of encouragement. All of this was too draining and all you really wanted was to sleep now. Soon you felt like you could cry no more tears and got up to stand, but you'd been sitting too long and was still drunk, having to use all your strength to not fall over. Sans noticed your predicament quicker than you had and was behind you in a flash to hold you up. Oh that teleporting bastard. His hand felt like feathered touches against your shoulders, probably afraid to touch you after your outburst but you didn’t make an attempt to pull away. 

"'s no need to apologize to anyone buddy, but i think ill take ya to bed?" Sans nodded to his friends who all got up at the same time and made their move towards their respective rooms. Papyrus gave you one last hug which wasn’t at his usual force and you were more than thankful. Undyne urged you to text her if you felt lonely and she'd offer you some much loved company and you had to chuckle, being in a room with those two after their horniness earlier made that decision easier. Alphys shared a sad smile, you felt she had a rough idea on what your breakdown was about. 

"you okay to teleport?" Sans asked quietly and you nodded a no, grateful that he asked because the action would have made you throw up everything.  

"alright, ill pave the way for ya duchess."  

The two of you walked to the top of the stairs with Sans opening the door for your room and motioning inside. You dragged your feet along the carpet and dropped onto your bed clumsily, thank god you had already changed into your pjs beforehand because movement of the smallest degree felt ten times harder. Sans pulled out a blanket from the side of the bed and handed it your way. You clambered into bed and snuggled into the blanket, looking up to see Sans holding a glass of water that he didn’t have a second ago so he must of teleported without you noticing. Urghhhh was it possible to feel like death? Because this felt antagonisingly close. He rocked on his heels by the door as you took large gulps of the water and sighed, placing it on the desk table.  

"sorry astrid, i should of known better to let ya get like that. jus' make sure you drink plenty of that stuff alright? Ill see ya tomorrow morn." He saluted to you with two fingers and went for the door but you grabbed the rim of his hoodie feebly, not wanting to be alone when you felt like utter shit and was coming down from being drunk. Sans turned to you with a patient smile yet his tired eyes were a dead giveaway of his exhaustion.

"Can you...not leave me?" You pleaded, the desperation and fear in your tone must of come through as his expression was apologetic, verging on sad to match yours. He looked like he was having an inner argument with himself before exhaling and sitting on the edge of your bed. 

"if you want me to stay i will."  

"...yes please?" You really need to stop sounding like a 10 year old girl in these sort of one-on-one situations. Sans didn’t seem to notice or care at the neediness in your voice, getting off your bed to sit on the floor, holding your hand. Maybe he didn’t want to get in the same bed as you but that’s understandable, it would make for an awkward morning especially as you probably won't remember half of it and he will have to explain how there's a scantily clad woman lying next to him. He ran a thumb over the side of your hand soothingly and the action alone was already lulling you to more to sleep every second. 

"get some winks astrid. we can talk in the morning."

"Promise not to leave?" You choked out, trying not to make it obvious you were silently crying into the pillow.

"i hate makin' promises but ill make an exception for you, bud, not going anywhere." He squeezed your hand from the floor and you squeezed back, glad that you had someone close in case you need comfort.

But what you dreamt of that night, was as unpleasant and messy as the memories they stem from. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a bit of insight into readers backstory even if is the vaguest explanation in existence....


	15. Should've left it to voicemail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient with me getting this chapter out! I just want to clarify that no matter how long my updates seem to be, I am under NO circumstances giving up on this fic, I have a lot of plans and plot for it, I even have planned out how it ends even though this will be pretty long in terms of chapters. How mysterious.
> 
> This chapter is different than usual as its from Sans' point of view, which you'll be experiencing a lot more of now. I think it was necessary to explain some things, and it also goes over the events of when Sans first encounters reader.
> 
> IMPORTANT- I suggest going over chapter two at the part where Sans is first introduced if you have been reading this from early on. The reason being I've edited it slightly and it make more sense now to show how Sans' character, because the way I wrote him made him seem quite easily trusting to the reader, which wasn't what I intended now that I've read it back. He's more of a very lowkey tsundere which you'll see from this chapter. Eh it'll make sense, trust me.
> 
> Thank you for reading as always. <3

_h_ _eh, a human_ _lying_ _in_ _my bed._ _i_ _must have been a_ _whole new level of drunk or_ _im_ _getting soft._ Sans thought to himself early in the morning. 

He never thought he'd see the day _that_ happened, even if it was for an innocent reason. But boy, were you a handsy human when you slept: after hours he had finally managed to start drifting off to sleep only to be startled by a hand sliding up his shirt and across the sensitive bones of his lower ribs which certainly made that morning one for the diary. 

Most nights for Sans were sleepless and this particular one was no exception. Too many thoughts were crossing his mind making it impossible. It's not that he had a particular problem with you so to speak, he just about tolerated Papyrus being in his room and even though this wasn’t necessarily his house, it was agreed that this was his designated space whenever he and his brother slept over. 

If you wasn’t so drunk off your ass last night the couch would have been all yours, but seeing you have such an outburst like that...he felt a sudden surge of protectiveness course through his bones, along with guilt that he had somehow triggered that episode, so having somewhere to sleep for the night that wouldn’t break your back was the least he could do. The majority of his restlessness was spent trying to put the pieces together, simply thinking over the events of the night. 

 _Don't let him f-find me. I_ _can't_ _go back there._  

Go back where exactly? And to who? Normally he's not one to pry, but right now he can't exactly help it. He groaned quietly to himself, your past was none of his business but as much as he hated to admit, the growing curiosity had him on edge. Clearly you were good at hiding secrets and keeping your cards close to your chest, he could appreciate that, but in the back of his mind the possibility that your problems could intertwine into his life wouldn't leave him. All that extra stress and effort is definitely not needed, especially if it then began to endanger his brother. 

He scolded himself for thinking so selfishly. You were an emotional wreck last night, shedding every last tear and soaking his hoodie without a solid explanation as to why, and yet he was worried it would cause _him_ complications. 

It was understandable. Since reaching the surface he's had experience after terrible experience with humans apart from Frisk. If he actually cared about the empty threats and insults, the glares, the physical contact, the isolation, he would of packed in working at his stands around town years ago. There was one thing he had learned after leaving the underground- no good whatsoever can come out of trusting a human, Frisk is a mere exception. 

But then again, you were no standard human.  

He still has the vivid memory of arriving home one night to Papyrus in a more chipper mood than usual, not even giving him the usual lecture of how often he visits the grease trap known as Grillby's rather than enjoy his spaghetti. That was the moment Sans' suspicions were raised higher, so he threw some puns in the mix to test his theory. He _cannoli_ do so much to tease his brother after that many attempts yet there he was, laughing and accepting his puns like a champ. God, Sans had never felt so proud. He would have gone on to hug him forever if it wasn't for Papyrus's telltale slip up of a faltering smile when he turned away, confirming the smaller of the two skeletons speculation- his brother was up to something, something that was big enough for Papyrus to be stepping on eggshells for. 

At first Sans was livid to find out the truth! Only managing to maintain his calm because he was purely too tired to react the way he wished. He had the good mind to kick you out right here and then. It wouldn’t be too harsh, after all you were some randomer on a train, purely meeting his brother by fate and coincidence alone. Not that he cared too much about your feelings, it was more baed off the fact that someone else in the apartment did. Goddamnit. Papyrus and his generosity will surely be the death of him.  

A _human_. 

In _his_ property, taking advantage of _his brothers_ kindness. That’s all they ever seemed to want and from past experiences they don’t intend to stick around. The thought made him sick to the core, only to realise he would now be living that very reality.  The only thing worse than being a monster above ground was being a skeleton monster, specifically. Humans get all confused and creeped out that his body defies the basic laws of physics and biology, not to mention how his boney appearance leaves most humans feeling like death-on-legs was coming their way.  

Sometimes that isn't enough to detour the more persistent ones, like the annoying teenage girls at the mall who practically begged for photos with them only to show their friends the "freaks" they found. He's used to the abuse, the staring, the constant unfriendliness. In 4 years he had perhaps spoke with 2, maybe 3 humans that had been decent? One of them was admittedly kind of hot, shame they had the personality of a wet sock. It was more out of politeness than anything else and they soon hurried on with their lives.  

So when he found out a human was staying right under his roof, meters away from where he and his brother slept Sans took no chances. As usual he read Paps his bedtime story that night, rushing the lines so he could keep close tabs on this human. As soon as Sans saw eyelids beginning to droop, he rushedly put the book back in its place and teleported to right outside the spare room. Slumping against the door and listening intently. 

Silence?  

 _fuck it,_ _i_ _need to see what_ _im_ _dealin'_ _with here. w_ _elp here goes nothing._ Sans took a deep breath to steady himself and opened the door to the tiniest angle. It was dark save for the gaps of light coming through the blinds, and he squinted to make out a sleeping figure on the bed lying in the foetal position. Sans thanked the stars you didn't move upon him entering, the slightest flinch would of probably resulted with the room in flames with how flared his magic was. 

They didn’t look too threatening after examination from afar but then again, no one did when they slept, a peaceful expression only natural and a possible rouse. Still, he stuck around. There was no way in hell he would be able to sleep tonight with the turn of events, so instead he took it on himself to make sure this human wouldn't try anything funny. He became glued to the door frame, eventually shifting and hovering around the room when he got bored, being careful as he stepped.  

He knelt down not far from the side of the bed and looked at your clothes. He couldn’t help but let out the faintest of snickers. Really Paps? The bonezone shirt? Using one of his favourites surely meant his brother would be _pun_ ished. Sans sighed slowly, shaking his head and going back to the door. It was hard to take you seriously in a shirt like that. Eventually Sans retired to his room, satisfied that for now you weren't going to do shit but without a doubt leaving his door open so he can be ready for...something. Christ he's too paranoid as it is for this shit. 

The next morning his bones were rattling from nerves, he didn’t particularly want to meet his new roommate so avoiding them as much as possible was his strategy, teleportation had it's perks. 

But of course Papyrus and the universe had other plans for him. 

 _"SANS YOU LAZY BONES! WAKING UP EARLY IS CRUCIAL FOR THE HUMAN TO RECEIVE A WORTHY INTRODUCTION! DON’T MAKE ME USE GENTLE BUT PRECISE FORCE!_ _"_  

 _"hoo boy, well if you ask me paps_ _youre_ _way better than me at_ _socializing_ _and stuff so uh,_ _ill_ _just stay right here and – wait stop no, bro don_ _t-!"_  

Before Sans knew what was going on it was too late, and the short skeleton clad in jogging bottoms was swept into the kitchen and placed a little too roughly on a bar stool. 

"YOU ARE BANNED TEMPORARILY FROM TELEPORTING." 

Fuck. 

Eh, looks like he couldn’t leave now.  

Sans had to stop himself from staring when you eventually walked in, looking disheveled in clothes too big for you, but content and well rested.  

However of course for a brief second he had to stare, it was a reflex reaction whenever meeting someone properly that Asgore had drilled into him from his background of adopting the role of the Judge in the underground. Looking beyond the walls of a being, be it skin or magic based, to see what kind of intent their soul has and the power it can posses. What makes someone exactly who and what they are. He didn't need someone with a single hint of LOVE in their soul living here, luckily you were clean on that front. 

But it didn’t make sense... 

Turns out your soul is a hard one to crack, being hard to decipher. It baffled him for days, to this very morning he was still thinking about the one soul he had come across in his whole existence that he couldn't interpret for the life of him. It annoyed him greatly, yet fascinated him all at once realizing there was something about souls that he didn't know of. Something to find out, a challenge.

The worst thing for Sans was that on top of not seeing what main aspect your soul was made of, he didn’t know exactly what was stopping him from doing so. Maybe you were putting up your own personal block or wall around it, but he dropped the idea as the sad fact is that not many humans know about souls and they certainly aren't taught about it. And humans with magic these days? Sans knew the days of mages roaming the streets were long gone, humans were too out of touch with their souls now for that.

Sans felt almost desperate to find out about the mystery of your soul. It gave him a good reason to actually start some new research projects back in the lab again now that Alphys had began looking into souls more on the side.  

He glanced towards his bed to check on you quickly. Still out cold. All those drinks from last night eventually knocked you out like a light, that is when you weren't trying to snuggle up to him and talk about your loneliness or sloths? You really went to town talking about how cute sloths were, and apparently they mistake their arms for branches from time to time and fall to their uh, death? Cynical, but at least it was quirky. He looked over at your form for one last time and knew you weren't going to wake up just yet.  

His phone vibrated under his pillow, and he lifted it as much as he possibly could with a weight on the other side of him to get at it. He sighed when reading the caller id and sprung himself from the mattress, knowing it was unavoidable he sighed and answered. 

"sup asgore, what can i do for ya?" 

"Howdy Sans. I assume you know what I am calling for?" Even with his noble voice, Asgore sounded pretty pissed. 

"nope, go on." He might as well decide to play dumb for this part. 

"Regarding to the events of yesterday." 

"u-huh." A large sigh from the King settled down the phone. 

"Sans please, we have been over this before. Even if I am not the first to know, you must tell _someone_ from the monster embassy so we can handle records and negotiate with the human quarter of crime for punishments on the people responsible." 

"i get that Asgore, i was planning on letting tori know soon." 

"She is not happy with you either that you left it so long." 

"listen its not even too big of a deal. hey we were lucky they werent assassins. those guys are real _back_ _stabbers_." 

"Sans." 

"yes?" 

"I need you to listen to what I am about to tell you without the need to joke around, for once." Sans held his hands up in the air, not too sure who it was being aimed at. 

"okay." 

"Because you failed to let us know about the assault, robbery, whatever you want to call it, me and Toriel got involved ourselves. Before you ask, Undyne called and informed me." 

Sans didn’t bother answering, he didn’t need this sort of help before and he certainly doesn’t need it now, he's an adult after all! Asgore was good at stepping in between things and intervening he knew that, so Sans humoured him. Noticing the tense silence, Asgore continued. 

"We took a small team of forensics there to try and gather as much evidence as we can. Not many people from the police department were...particularly interested in the case." Sans rolled his eye lights like it was the most obvious thing in the world, anybody could of told him that. "Unfortunately, we've been told by the detectives and the court that the chance of you getting insurance is very rare. They believe that the whole thing was faked for the money."  

Sans couldn’t of been mad if he tried, but he's on the edge of being so done with life. This is the reason he never rang the royals of the underground in the first place. Even with all their government links and special treatment, at the end of the day they were still monsters and treated the way humanity truly sees them – as less than worthy. Sans took a deep, shaky sigh. 

"listen ive said before, the money? i really couldnt care less. you know that isnt an issue for us." 

"I am aware of that Sans, truly I am. In that case what is the issue?" 

"that this keeps happening." He sat down on a desk chair opposite him, brows knitted. "for once we landed a nice neighborhood and got ransacked again." 

"It will get better eventu-" 

"please your majesty, despite the work you do id prefer it if you didnt lie to yourself." Sans came across much colder than he intended, but he didn’t regret the words that came out. "you may live in a house the size of africa but you arent _that_ blind to what we go through." 

Asgore was left a stuttering mess on the other end of the line before finally finding the words. 

"The trials for more laws and privileges are happening every day for monsters, you just don’t know about it because it's behind closed doors until it actually happens." 

"more like if it happens." Sans deadpanned, causing Asgore to huff. 

" _When_ it happens. I couldn’t help but notice the spare room was occupied when at your apartment." There Asgore went again with the snooping, although that was kind of the reason he was there in the first place. He supposed he could let it go. 

"yep." 

Asgores side was silent, waiting for Sans to go into more detail. _h_ _es_ _just trying to be nice Sansy, stop being a major prick._

 _"_ astrid. astrid the human. paps friend. she didnt have a place to go and we had a spare room. boom." If the room wasn't as silent as the break of dawn, Sans wouldn't of picked up on the slight gasp in Asgore's voice that he tried to suppress but failed. 

"Oh? I shall have to invite her over for a cup of tea sometime! I have only heard good things from Toriel." Sans smile faltered, he didn't have to keep up the act if no one was awake or around to see it he pondered. "She has a good soul?" 

Welp and there it was. Sans wasn't quite sure how to answer, never in his life had he had such a problem with something so easy to look at then a soul. In his mind he quickly thought over his dealings with you, blocking out the shower incident and the fact that you had pushed the quilt off yourself now revealing some- oh...okay...well alrighty...right you're just in underwear only now...cool. Not a bad ass though...

 _l_ _ook away you fucking pervert! t_ _hink about_ _jerry_ _in a swimsuit, or just in general._ Sans patted at his cheeks to try and tell his magic to fuck right off, he didn’t need you to wake up and wonder why he was blushing like an idiot if you had actually figured that aspect out yet. It helped that jerry was an instant boner killer, it's the only thing Sans could ever possibly thank him for. Oh shit, Asgore's still waiting.

"seems nice so far but i...dont fully trust her." He felt bad to admit it so nonchalantly with you still in the room but Asgore was in his little circle, and if there's a potential for danger he's the guy who needs to know. "for some reason i cant see into her soul?" Sans quietened his voice considerably and went towards the balcony door, he didn't need you hearing this.

Asgore hummed in thought. Sans hoped he would have some sort of solution from him being such a old and wise boss monster, but he seemed to be just as stumped if not more. The king had been around on the surface world before, during and after the Great Ebott war after all, so if he can't offer much needed answers, than Sans really was on his own for this one. He thought about going to Grillby and asking him about his knowledge on humans and souls too, hoping the fire elemental would indulge him. 

"That is most peculiar. You'll have to look into this Sans, I don’t like the sound of that no matter how kind and agreeable she may appear to be. I recommend enlisting Alphys on it too." 

"possible wolf in sheeps clothing, gotcha. an' i was planning on it."  

"Splendid. Be careful Sans. If you have notes after, I also wouldn't mind taking a look if you find anything of any significant importance." 

"ill see what i can come up with." Sans finished before flipping his phone shut and slinking against the chest of drawers opposite the bed and you, seeing the quilt rise up and down slowly from your laboured breathing. How you had managed to stay asleep after a louder than most phone call was crazy, but damn was he glad you slept like a thousand logs. He forced all his magic and concentrated it to the depths of his soul to try and get a glimpse of yours again, flaring his eye up along with it.  

Absolutely nothing. This was beginning to infuriate him. 

That'd give him a bit of time to think about how to do this. Technically, finding information on your soul isn't a betrayal, if anything it should help both parties. All he had to do was suck up to you a little while longer, keep up the friendly act and soon he would reveal whatever you were hiding, because he _knew_ there was _something_ and he would be the one to expose you.

That didn't matter to him for now. He knew the risks but had to take this leap. 

 _heh_ _im_ _starting to sound more like my old man each day_ Sans mused, scratching the back of his head trepidatiously. No, he wouldn't get like...him. That man was simply too far gone, the proof being that his very soul is scattered across the void in fragments, a memory of a being who now ceases to exist.

Naturally Sans worried, it was after all Gasters curiosity that led him to the inevitable path of losing his mind, yet he was filled with DETERMINATION knowing that soon he would be the one to unlock the secret to your soul. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scheming and plotting eh? Sans you slippery snail you.
> 
> What do you think is up with all the tension between Asgore and Sans? Seems a tad icy over there.  
> Comment your thoughts my dudes, comments and kudos make me want to keep breathing.


	16. Oh my, oh my

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well fuck me sideways, I haven't updated in so long and I feel actually terrible about it, so please forgive me!  
> I was tempted to start a new fanfic featuring G!sans because lets be honest, there really isn't enough of those out there, but I didn't want to leave this hanging so for now that idea is going to have to wait indefinitely.
> 
> This chapter is shorter than most kind of like a mini chapter because I feel like it fits quite nicely...and I love a cheeky little cliff hanger every now and then. I thought it was best too so I can reintroduce myself back into writing... so here we go!  
> Enjoy. <3

Undyne had never been  much of a fan of sleeping in, even if it was what the humans called a "weekend". That whole concept had always been confusing  because a week doesn’t necessarily end but keeps going round and round in a cycle, much like life. Why have an excuse to lie around all day? There was things to be done! Adventures to go on! Boulders to suplex! It was different underground as although the days were still recorded, everyday felt the same as the last unless there were special events, festivals or birthdays. The lack of sunlight surely helped everyday have that dull sensation. At first she thought that the praise of weekends was a human thing but it turns out that no, staying in bed till noon is simply just a _lazy_ thing when you include Sans. 

The sun was up which meant so was she. One yawn and some painful sounding cracks in the neck later and Undyne was up and ready... but it seemed to be in haste because the whole house was silent. She sat opposite Alphys beside the coffee table, lovingly staring at her sleeping form, taking in the curve of her back, the glisten of her scales and how every once in a while her body would for some reason jerk slightly. It seemed the only thing Undyne ever slowed down for was a chance to appreciate her lover, wondering how it was possible for her to achieve a higher level of cute all from having closed eyes and being blissfully unaware of the world around her. Always tired from overtime at the lab. She deserved as much rest as possible, so with a kiss to the forehead she let her sleepy lizard be.  

Despite most people's assumptions of Sans, the lazy skeleton doesn’t _sleep_  as much as he does lie around and watch the world go by, so Undyne gathered he was taking a snooze as usual. After last night Undyne had certainly got increasingly worried about her friend. She wasn’t the only one that didn't approve of his sketchy activities, especially trying to pull them off in the traditionally humanized territories of Ebott where the police are naturally more suspicious. As in racist. The cupboard where drinks are kept was practically empty from last night and Sans probably took that into account. The guy is going to get himself in trouble, smuggling that much prohibited monster alcohol without a license for private use... no one wanted him to revert back to his mafia-like days, especially with Toriel and Asgore being so important now. It wasn’t like Undyne to be so strict and adhering to the law but she couldn’t help it. The problem with Sans is that he didn’t no when to stop, and using Grillby's empty building is going to end up getting them both implicated. 

Undyne didn’t have to think about where Papyrus would be: no doubt he's running lap after lap around the field for his morning training session, or at least he better be! Calcium can only do so much for those bones! But where the hell was Astrid?! Undyne couldn’t remember for the life of her where her bestie said she wanted to sleep, so guess work would have to do. It took every inch of inner willpower not to bust down every door loudly until she found you. Thankfully she chose to be considerate due to the fact that you'd be suffering the worst out of everyone from last nights antics because humans are pussys for alcohol of any kind and were slaves to it's effects, so being kind to your poor eardrums was the least she could do. 

At times like these Undyne wished she had brought a smaller house with Alphys, but with how much monster gold turned out to be worth, the couple decided to go all out. As it turns out, finding people, especially only one person without causing a commotion at the property felt impossible. The last room you could possibly be in was the spare room right? Humans don’t tend to sleep under the stairs, outside or in dog baskets. That would surely be _v_ _ery_ uncomfortable. Undyne slowly opened the door, knowing it had a tendency to make a horrible squeaky sound if opened too fast. She expected to find another room devoid of people. 

But oh my. 

Oh my, oh my, OH MY!  

This moment was too fucking precious and such a beautiful surprise. 

An uncontrollable smirk stretched across her face. Something this perfect _had_ to be documented for evidence purposes.  

Bingo. 

 _Snap!_  

 _...S_ _nap_ _snap_ _!_ A couple pics should suffice, even though taking one says tells a whole story. 

"What an amusing turn of events."


	17. Admin Announcement (finally)

Hi guys! It's been some time hasn't it? You'll have to forgive me, I was so caught up in everything and eventually my addiction for Undertale decreased considerably. After around a year (ish) however I started to start getting back into the fandom again, reactivating my Undertale Instagram account, playing the game, reading fanfics and all that jazz, and with the fanfics it naturally made me think about my own.

SO, I'm writing this to talk about what my next plan of action is. Like a lot of peoples first fanfictions, mine didn't go totally to plan and after reading over it, there are some parts to it that im really not happy with. To me, a lot of the plot seems childish and as unrealistic as it can possibly be in a world where magic monsters are freed by a kid and then come to the surface like it's all fine and dandy. That's why instead of just scrapping this piece of work or starting a completely new fanfiction and leaving this one in the dark, im going to make a new fanfiction that is HEAVILY based on this one, as if it is the 2.0 improved version of We Find Ourselves. I can't carry on a story im not happy with as my hearts just not fully into it, so hopefully this way, i will fix plot holes and make the story even better with some added improvements, as some parts from this will probably included in the next. For example, we know Papyrus is gullible but i feel like the reader moves into the skeleton brothers house abnormally quickly, and no one really bats an eye, especially Sans who is more wary. I also want it to be written way after the monsters left the underground because this fanfiction is getting a bit Basic™ for my liking.

Im so sorry if this isn't what you wanted, and i will admit there will be some heavy changes in the next one that im working on at the moment so if it isn't your cup of tea i apologise, although I am feeling quite hopeful and determined to start getting back into writting.

Thank you for your time, patience and hopefully your audience in my next fanfiction! I hope I see some of a lurking in the comments. ( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡° )  
See you soon!

*drops mic*


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